Author Topic: Amazon Reviews by Chris Matthews  (Read 5973 times)

D6xD6 - Chris

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Amazon Reviews by Chris Matthews
« on: July 10, 2014, 01:12:08 PM »
Amazon reviews are typically amazing.  This man, Chris Matthews, is turning them into their own literary genre:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/cdp/member-reviews/A3CPJYAQMCUGNR?ie=UTF8&display=public&page=1&sort_by=MostRecentReview&tag=viglink20241-20

My favorite: 
Quote
For my sixteenth birthday my parents threw me a birthday party at the laundry mat that my mom operated. It was a family run business from my mon's side that extended several generations back from the time they came to America from Asia. We used the laundry mat to host many events due to the spacious area and ample tables provided to seperate and fold their clothes on.
Knowing that I was a fan of the Batman cartoons, movies and comic books, it seemed an obvious theme for a birthday party. Val Kilmer being my favorite Batman ever (curse you Bale!!)
As the story goes, my dad, being a fit 5'4" Japanese man raised in Hawaii, wanted to rent a Val Kilmer costume from the movie "Batman Forever" at the party store, but they did not have one in his size. Even if he did not wear the boots and some black sandals, the suit was just too big. Most likely, it was intended for one of those disgustingly over-weight comic con attendees trying to be cool.
What did end up becoming available that fit my father was the Adam West Batman costume. In light of being nostalgic, that seems to be the one Batman that makes everyone smile. My father knew that would definitely be one of the highlights of the birthday party.
Through the course of events as birthday parties go, while my mother was bringing out the candle-lit soy birthday cake the intent was that my father, dressed as Batman, would jump out of a stand up coin-operated dryer and "suprise" me and everyone else.
Sadly, as simple as it was to be, it did not play out that way.
The dryer that he and my mom planned sneaking into before the cake was brought out was in use and so he had to use another one. Mother, stepped away to check on the cake in the microwave and missed the dryer he had climber into. When the birthday song began, mother slowly brought out the cake and I was anticipating my "suprise" at any moment.
That "moment" never happened, so we sang the second verse to the birthday song.
Still, nothing happened.
What did happen was while the singing was going on, there was a heavyset hispanic woman wearing a headphone radio set to "tune out" what might of been her four screaming kids and two barking dogs running about. As she put the coins in the wrong loaded dryer and started it up, she was completely oblivious to the dire situation about to unfold. The doors automatically locked and remain so until the dryer has completed it's entire cycle. It was a government regulated safety feature.
No one heard my father screaming. It was too late by the time we found him and waited for the dryer to stop.
We had a service at the same laundry mat and burried him in the dryer at a nearby cemetary.
To this day, I still believe that the rubberized to appear armored costume that the wise Val Kilmer wore would of protected him. If anything, the heat from the dryer would of impervious due to it's fire resistant materials.
This is a great-looking figure from the pictures that I have seen, but it also brings back memories of my father that brings me a sense of solemn reverence.
Hence, the one-star rating.
Respect.

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Re: Amazon Reviews by Chris Matthews
« Reply #1 on: July 11, 2014, 07:21:42 AM »
Thanks man.  I've got this bullshit professional development I've got to attend today.  This link just might help me make it through.