So apparently I made an http://www.obsidianportal.com/
account. It says I joined a year ago, and that same day added the story of my first time playing as a PC. I got some chuckles out of it, and thought I might share it with ya'll.
P.S, this is a direct copy and paste from the site, with some quick editing for readability.
July 30, 2010 00:11
While I had known about this site a while before I started playing, and have wanted to record my games for a while now, I have only just received the inclination to actually start, and so decided that this place was the easiest way to do it. So, these first few posts will be a brief chronicling of what has happened thus far. (At least, what I remember thus far.)
After creating my character, Earl, a hafling rogue, Justin plunges me straight into his world. I woke up on a beach, seeing nothing but more beach, and a dirt trail leading up into some mountains. So, I walked along the beach, wondering where the adventure hook was. I soon came across a fellow halfling, sitting at a campfire. After hailing him, I decide that he seems trustworthy, and follow him as he walked along the mountain trail. As we walk, he explains to me that he was a sentry, looking for fresh recruits. He and his fellows have set up a camp in the mountains.
At camp, I was introduced to… Cassandra(?), and some bald guy I promptly named Douche. Cassandra, a fighter, was sent here by her king to cleanse the local area of threats. The king wanted to create a new town, and didn’t want any pesky monsters to stifle it’s welfare. Douche looked like a giant muscle in armor, and had a fancy for creating weirdly shaped swords. That halfling guy was a rogue as well, and seemed to be a scout for this motley crew. The camp had, instead of tents, wooden shacks. Three, to be exact. One was a barracks, with enough beds for 12 people. One was a supply shack, and another, an armory, which was locked… They were going to go clear out a nearby cave of monsters the next day. They asked if I would like to help them. “Sure,” I replied. “Koo,” they said.
Tomorrow morning we were to head out and clear the cave, then cave it in by blowing up it’s entrance.
The sun was still relatively high in the sky, so instead of waste a day at camp, I decided to go explore the rest of the island (I presumed) I was on. But before I headed out, I asked if I could take the night watch. The halfling guy was apprehensive at first, but I convinced him to let me do it.
I took the trail that went further up the mountains. Awhile later, I came across a cliff. But it wasn’t a cliff. It was a hill. Kind of. Anyways, It offered a great vantage point of the island. Up there, I saw on the beach, a ship, wrecked. I decided to investigate it. There was a great, gaping hole in it, so I climbed in. on the lower deck, I saw signs of a struggle. Bodies and and blood, strewn and smeared, respectively. The upper deck wasn’t much different. I noticed that the bodies were lacking anything metal. Coins, weapons, even belt buckles were gone. I did, however, find some brass knuckles, tucked away in some nook nobody had cared to search. As I exited the ship, I saw footprints and blood leading into the jungle. Following them, I found a dead body of someone, presumably of the ship, dead, and missing an arm. Further in the jungle, I heard hisses. Spooked, I left the site at a brisk pace. I came across the ship again, and then was hit with a brilliant idea. The ensuing conversation went like this:
“Does the ship have cannons?” I asked, innocently.
“Well, yeah, it’s a pirate ship.” Justin replied.
“I take a cannon.”
“I take a cannon.” I replied, a little more clearly.
“How are you gonna get it down?”
“I’ll push it off the the side.”
Justin sighed. “Alright.”
“Sweet. How many cannonballs do I find?”
“They’ve got a whole pile of them in the lower deck.”
“Koo. I’ll take 20. How much gunpowder?”
Justing grinned at me evilly. “After a couple seconds of thought, I mentally smiled, and replied. “Fine. I’m still taking the cannon and shot, though.”
After dragging the thing up the cliff-hill, which required a series of athletics rolls, I headed back to camp, and talked to Cassandra.
“I think I deserve some sort of payment if I’m gonna be helping you guys.”
“We don’t have much money.”
“How about some gunpowder?”
“We don’t have any.”
“Then how are you gonna blow up the cave?”
Justin grinned. “Damn you."
“We only have enough extra for 2 shots from your cannon.”
After that, I went up to Douche.
“Can you combine my sword with these brass knuckles?”
Oh yeah. Douche doesn’t talk. What a douche.
After paying him some gold, I decided to go exploring a little more. I followed the mountain trail up to the tippy-top, and there I found the cave entrance, covered by a runed door. After trying to open it for a bit, I decided it was time to call it a day.
I went back to camp, and slept. I was awoken by that halfling guy to take my watch. I waited, until I was sure he was asleep, and promptly began picking the lock to the armory.
After successfully breaking in, I found some crates filled with unfinished weirdly shaped swords, and my brass-knuckled short-sword. In a locked chest I found a scroll with similar runes found on the cave doors, and in another, the gunpowder. I put back my swordknuckles, so that they would’t know I was there, and put the locks on the same position they used to be in. After that, I waited until dawn, when Cassandra woke up for her watch. I slept until called upon to storm the cave. Before we left, I was sure to take my cannon.
We got to the cave, and Cassandra pulled out a scroll, and read the runes. Magic happened, and the door began to open. Thinking fast, I placed the cannon in front of the cave, poised to shoot if anything tried to jump out. I was not disappointed. As a thin, man-like creature with blue scales and a fuck-ugly fish-like face jumped out at us, I stuck my flint together and a resounding BOOM! was heard as the fish-man was obliterated. After that, we shuffled our way into the cave.
The cave was moist, and the ground covered in shallow water. As we advanced, fish men armed with fake gold tridents and loincloths pestered us, but were cut down with ease. And, like a true adventurer, I took their tridents. As we entered a second room, an iron gate separated Douche and I from Cassandra and that halfling. They urged us to continue, which, seeing as our exit was blocked, we did. More fishmen attacked us, and when we got to the next room, another gate separated me from Douche. This time, Douche was ambushed by even more fishmen. He motioned me to keep going, so I did.
After rooms of fishmen death, I came across a single fishman, almost identical to every other one, except this one had a necklace on. It was a simple red orb on some string. Thinking he was special, I killed him, and tore off one of his fingers. I then came to a room that contained a wall with 4 orb-shaped indentations. I put the red necklace in the first hole, and went on through some more rooms with baddies. I harvested both necklaces and fingers from their respective owners, then placed all the orbs in the holes. The wall shook, and slowly lifted itself to clear a path to the next room. In that one, I battled more fishmen. However, this battle was comically entertaining, as one of the fishmen kept critically failing his attack rolls, and was stabbing himself and his comrades. After killing all of his buddies, I felt bad for him. So while he cowered for fear of his life in a corner, I approached him, speaking soothing words.
“This won’t hurt a bit” I said, raising my knuckled sword. The blow was meant to knock him out. Instead, I punched him square in his face. I heard a sickly CRUNCH as he yelled out it pain. Thinking quickly, and punched him again. Luckily, this time he did get knocked out. I hog tied him, and went on to the final room.
This time, I found a fish-man, just as fuck-ugly as all the others, but covered in runic tattoos. A bit intimidated, I charged ahead...
He went down just as easily as the others.
After killing him, I hit some levers that were in this room, assuming they opened the gates. As I went to exit the cave, I grabbed the fish-man and dragged him back to my friends. Puzzled, they left my fish-man alone.
We blew up the entrance, watched it cave in, and went back to camp.
“Well,” said Cassandra, “It’s time we take off.”
“Where are we going?” I asked.
are going back to tell the king that this are is cleared. I’m not sure where you
“What? I’m the one who did all the work, and you’re going to take all the credit?”
So, we went our separate ways.
I grabbed my cannon, and my hog-tied fish-man, and started my trek on the beach.
It was later decided that my alignment get knocked down to evil. Some bullshit about me torturing that poor defenseless fish-man. Whatever.