The day the Cathartic Lobster became a hero.

[rayner23]

I was just visiting my favorite local comic book store, when I saw a car pull up next to the dumpster. I knew something was up. I walked by the car so I could get a physical I.D. on the driver for when he came into the store. I warned Alan and Sam and as he came in to sell some DVDs, I went outside and got all his license plate info.

When I came back inside, he began to leave when the metal detector went off. Sam called him over and asked if he had one of our items. He denied it, but I could see the outline of a DVD in his jacket. As he started to walk out, I slapped the side of his coat and felt the DVD. I blocked the door and asked him to remove the item. He actually tried to bargain with me! He said, "You caught me. I tried to steal something. If I give you my DVDs, will you let me go?"

"No way brother," I said, "I just want what you have taken." From a hole in his jacket, he pulled out a Young Indiana Jones Box Set ($85.99). ... Read More

"Have a seat" I pointed to the bench.

"Why?"

"Because we're going to have a little conversation about what we're going to do when the cops get here."

He shoved me out of the way and I yelled, "YOU ARE SO DEAD MOTHER FUCKER! WE'RE CALLING THE COPS AND WE HAVE ALL YOUR INFORMATION!!! FUCK YOU DUDE! SERIOUSLY, GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!"

When I came back into the store, I put on John Parr's theme to St. Elmo's Fire (Man in Motion) and I proceeded to belt out the lyrics as I took a few laps around. I waved my arms in the air and proclaimed myself a hero.

Over
And over
And over


I always knew I was a crime-figher at heart!

[Maze]

Got the keys to the city yet?

[Tadanori Oyama]

"In other news the local police department's ongoing motion to out source crime prevention to comic book enthusiasts received a shot in the arm after some months of apparent inaction. The chief of police announced earlier today, at the impromptu ceremony to honor the young hero, the department will be retiring all current officers and placing the city wholly in the protection of local nerds by next weekend.

Now he's Bill with the weather."

[Maze]

Bill: "Hot. Everywhere."

[Tadanori Oyama]

"Thanks Bob. When we come back it's the national news and tonight at eleven: a big lobster monster, a pointy eared conjurer, and former president Martin Van Buren walked into a bar downtown. Witnesses report no one gets the joke. That and more tonight at eleven."

[rayner23]

UPDATE!

Today, Thiefy McGee came back into the store and returned a Young Indiana Jones box set he stole last month. He apologized and started crying. My favorite part though has to be when he said, "I've never been confronted by anyone like that before. He really scared me."

That's right! I scared a guy! I'm about 5'7" 160lbs. with thick-framed Weezer-esque glasses and I scared this dude!

[Corrosive Rabbit]

UPDATE!

Today, Thiefy McGee came back into the store and returned a Young Indiana Jones box set he stole last month. He apologized and started crying. My favorite part though has to be when he said, "I've never been confronted by anyone like that before. He really scared me."

That's right! I scared a guy! I'm about 5'7" 160lbs. with thick-framed Weezer-esque glasses and I scared this dude!

I know that getting a criminology degree has affected the way I think about things when the first thing I think is, "What is this guy's fascination with the Young Indiana Jones box sets?"

Either way - way to keep the streets safe!  Have you suggested a Lobster-Signal to your local police department?

CR

[Maze]

Nice!

(Tadanori! Play to the news report with on-site reporter interviewing the lobster)

[Tadanori Oyama]

"And welcome to the evening news. Our top story tonight: police chief tells Mayor Lionel Power McNamara 'I told you so' as the Nerd Anti-Crime Responce Force, or N.A.R.F., began it's run in our fair city with a resounding victory. Eyewitness describe the suspect as 'crying like a wuss' after only a single round with a N.A.R.F Agent.

We now take you live to the scene with our man on the street Onn Si'ete who appears to be standng beside a giant lobster. Onn?"

[Maze]

"Thank you Tom, it's very emotional over here as the mother of the suspect was called to come pick him up and they're having quite a moment. As soon as she arrived, the suspect burst into more tears as he ran into her motherly embrace. She also started crying, either from shame or pride at the honesty of her son, which, in turn, made the cashier of the store teary... the customer are all pretty much misty-eyed, except for that one guy who's giggling and twittering the event as it unfold.

"But now, I've got with me, the real hero of the story, one man... or lobster... who stood up to this thief's misdeed and said "No more, motherfucker", possibly shunning him for good from a life of burglary and crime. Mr. Cathartic Lobster, what do you think of the Democratic Party's economic stimulus plan?"

[rayner23]

"As spokesman for the Cathartic Lobster, I have been told to issue this statement in regards to his political affiliations, 'baby, I'm an anarchist, and I eat spineless liberals.'"