Okay, so I used a random word generator to help me come up with this one:
The Meretricious Porcelain Pilgrim
John Quincy Commode, once an ordinary Men's Room attendant at the Plaza Hotel in New York City, gained the power to transport himself and others from one location to another by flushing himself down any toilet and manifesting in another toilet (a power which may seem attractive at first, but definitely has its drawbacks). He was given this power as a tip by a mysterious figure--in reality, the Norse god Loki--when he handed the deity a towel and offered him a spritz of Calvin Klein cologne. After using his newly-acquired ability to escape from a mugger in a gas station bathroom (not a pleasant experience, let me tell you), he dedicated the rest of his life to preventing crimes that occur inside of restrooms across the world, and rescuing helpless victims from disaster sites where there is readily accessible plumbing.
