The Corrupt A Wish Thread

[Melvar]

I wish I controlled the world's energy supply.

Granted, you now control the rising and setting of the sun.  All life depends on you doing your job perfectly.

I wish my pen holder on my desk weren't so empty.

[Tadanori Oyama]

I wish my pen holder on my desk weren't so empty.

Granted, the gastroenterology department begins placing the pens they "find" in your holder.

I wish I had another set of work pants.

[Melvar]

your doctor gives you an eye transplant. However, he accidently gives you the eyes of a murderer and all you see are victims.

This reminds me of Adam Carolla's movie pitch "Gay-Eye." http://www.adamcarolla.com/ACPBlog/wp-content/gallery/2010-03-29-adam-and-you/15-gayeye.jpg

[Melvar]

I wish I had another set of work pants.

Granted.  However, they are so tight that whenever you fart, they blow your shoes right off your feet.

It's spring damnit!  I wish it weren't so cold and overcast.

[Tadanori Oyama]

It's spring damnit!  I wish it weren't so cold and overcast.

Granted, the tornado quickly removes the clouds and the burning gas lines make it toasty warm.

I wish the construction work across the street would just finish already.

[Melvar]

I wish the construction work across the street would just finish already.

Granted.  Within a day thousands of Chinese workers are shipped into your town in large crates.  The construction is completed within a day.  However, the Chinese are not shipped back to China and are now looking for jobs.  I hope your CV is up to date.

I wish that there were some way to place my wife's cat in stasis while she is gone for 2 weeks and take it out before she comes home.  I hate taking care of that damn thing.

[Dawnsteel]

I wish that there were some way to place my wife's cat in stasis while she is gone for 2 weeks and take it out before she comes home.  I hate taking care of that damn thing.

Granted, your wife's cat is now in cryogenic stasis.  You must change the refrigerant twice a day, and oil the circulation compressor once a week.

I wish I hadn't crushed my thumb with that hammer, it's very difficult to use my right hand.

[Melvar]

I wish I hadn't crushed my thumb with that hammer, it's very difficult to use my right hand.

Granted.  Instead you cut your left thumb moving a metal bookshelf yesterday afternoon.

I wish I hadn't cut my left thumb moving a metal bookshelf yesterday afternoon.

[Setherick]

I wish I hadn't cut my left thumb moving a metal bookshelf yesterday afternoon.

Granted, your unborn parasitic twin bit it off in utero while the two of you fought to the death over who would be born and who would die.

I wish I had eaten lunch today so that my blood sugar wouldn't be tanking.

[Dawnsteel]

I wish I had eaten lunch today so that my blood sugar wouldn't be tanking.

Granted, but your chicken breast was undercooked and now you're hosting a thriving salmonella infection.

I wish my kids would stay in bed after bedtime.

[Tadanori Oyama]

I wish my kids would stay in bed after bedtime.

Granted, social services is extremely interested in your "bed belt" invention.

I wish the other gamers in my Shadowrun crew know how to fucking run the shadows.

[Setherick]

I wish the other gamers in my Shadowrun crew know how to fucking run the shadows.

Granted. They now run shadows so well they can do nothing else. They also require a Mountain Dew IV drip to survive.

I wish I could work on an essay I want to write and grade papers at the same time.

[FuzzyDan]

I wish my kids would stay in bed after bedtime.

Granted, social services is extremely interested in your "bed belt" invention.

*sigh* Time to go to work.

I wish the other gamers in my Shadowrun crew know how to fucking run the shadows.

Granted, now they forgot how to properly work the lights.  Every session is a glow-stick rave.

I wish state policies had less red tape and were more effective.

[Dawnsteel]

I wish I could work on an essay I want to write and grade papers at the same time.

Granted!  You've grown a third hand and second head, which improve not only your multi-tasking, but also your ski-boxing.

I wish state policies had less red tape and were more effective.

Granted.  All state policies now mandate the use of duct tape, guaranteed 60% more effective.

I wish I'd had a better answer when my daughter asked me, "Daddy, will I have boobs?"

[Arje]

Granted. But she isn't any happier with the answer "Not if you have a radically elective and unnecessary double mastectomy."

I wish I could shoot lasers from my eyes and bees from my mouth.