The Corrupt A Wish Thread

[Dawnsteel]

I wish I could shoot lasers from my eyes and bees from my mouth.

Granted.  The net effect, as the lasers kill the bees every time you open your mouth, is that you leave a trail of dead bees wherever you go.

I wish I had something interesting to do this weekend.

[Setherick]

I wish I had something interesting to do this weekend.

Granted, I hope you like answering "where were you on such-and-such weekend"- and "have you ever been to Pakistan or Azerbaijan"-questions.

I wish that all my stuff would move itself to the new apartment.

[ArtfulShrapnel]

Granted, I hope you like answering "where were you on such-and-such weekend"- and "have you ever been to Pakistan or Azerbaijan"-questions.

I wish that all my stuff would move itself to the new apartment.

Granted. Your furniture becomes sentient and moves itself in.  This will all seem fine until the dresser and bed start a serious relationship and request that you get your own place.

I wish that there were more GMs in my town.

[acronomicon]

I wish that there were more GMs in my town.

Granted.  Every GM requires a multi-page application and convincing story hooks for your character based on their homebrew world.    To have enough information for this to be convincing, however, would require they share details of their world...which they aren't willing to do for fear you'll rip them off.

I wish every allergen producing plant in Texas would just stop already.

[Tadanori Oyama]

I wish every allergen producing plant in Texas would just stop already.

Granted, but the plants all begin to get blue balls from the lack of pollination, eventually cross pollinate themselves, and inbreed hick plants soon cover Texas.

I wish management would tell me what's going on.

[Setherick]

I wish management would tell me what's going on.

Granted, your every move is now micromanaged at work and outside of work. This is OK with you except when you Boss says, "You want to take a higher angle" when you go to have sex with your wife.

I wish I had more coffee without having to walk to the coffee shop on campus.

[Tadanori Oyama]

I wish I had more coffee without having to walk to the coffee shop on campus.

Granted, you may make use of your massive coffee bottle at any time with only a turn of your chair. To accommidate this massive supply whatever grad student draws the shot straw has to mix up the brew on the roof with a garden hose and several sacks of instant mix.

I wish that I had quicker reflexes.

[FuzzyDan]

Granted, you may make use of your massive coffee bottle at any time with only a turn of your chair. To accommidate this massive supply whatever grad student draws the shot straw has to mix up the brew on the roof with a garden hose and several sacks of instant mix.

I wish that I had quicker reflexes.

Granted, although good luck with the next attack that targets your fortitude or will.

I wish I was caught up on paperwork.

[beowuuf]

Wish granted! You watch the final episode of of "Paperwork," the new HBO drama series about the real life of homicide detectives. It's about 20 hours of your life you'll never get back.

I wish I had four weeks to prepare for next week's audit.

[clockworkjoe]

granted. They're skipping the audit and going directly to pressing charges. Good luck at trial!

I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat and a '64 Impala

[ArtfulShrapnel]

I wish that there were more GMs in my town.

Granted.  Every GM requires a multi-page application and convincing story hooks for your character based on their homebrew world.    To have enough information for this to be convincing, however, would require they share details of their world...which they aren't willing to do for fear you'll rip them off.

I wish every allergen producing plant in Texas would just stop already.

I suppose that counts as long as there are more of them. I've already got like 5 of that model.

granted. They're skipping the audit and going directly to pressing charges. Good luck at trial!

I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat and a '64 Impala

Granted. You are now a magician living in 1970. Your car is infested with bats.

I wish I didn't have to go to work tomorrow. (And no "you're fired" responses. That's too easy.)

[clockworkjoe]

 granted. Your company is now bankrupt.

I wish I had a monkey's paw that granted wishes.

[Tadanori Oyama]

I wish I had a monkey's paw that granted wishes.

Granted, but since the monkey's paw has no ears you have no way of communicating your wishes to it. However it makes an excellent backscratcher.

I wish nothing would go wrong with my wish.

[Setherick]

akes an excellent backscratcher.

I wish nothing would go wrong with my wish.

Granted, nothing goes wrong but you spend your whole life paranoid that something might.

I wish this essay would revise itself.

[clockworkjoe]

granted. Your essay revises itself into the necronomicon and summons cthulhu.

I wish I could think of a wish.