Topics

16

General Chaos / the Frank Miller Bible

« on: June 03, 2010, 04:34:45 PM »

One night, my friend Rich was ripping on Christians and he said, "The Bible is filled with homophobia and sexism. It's almost as if Frank Miller wrote it." Thus, the Frank Miller Bible was born. In the Frank Miller Bible, the hero isn't God, it's "the Goddamn God." So, whenever you hear Tom and I say, "Goddamn God" in various APs, that's where it comes from.

For all two of you who don't know who Frank Miller is:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frank_Miller_(comics)

Anyway, I would like to start rewriting Biblical scenes in the style of Frank Miller. So, here is the birth of Jesus.

(note: This is NOT meant to offend Christians. This is meant to offend "fans" of Frank Miller)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Bethlehem: the city of fear. A hard rain falls on the just and unjust alike. Square jawed Romans (hired thugs of the government and nearly untouchable0 rape the whores of the city. They answer to no one. Their mere prescence in the city offends the Goddamn God.

This world once feared the Goddamn God, but no longer. Herod has become the new God and his word is absolute. In his palace, Herod sits amongst his whores and he sends them away. Tonight, his tastes are for what he considers to be the fairer sex and he commands for his boy army of concubines to enter his chambers. He commands them to strip naked. Herod sees that one boy has the beginnings of pubic hair and he sceams at the offense. His guards take the boy away to be tortured and turned into a slave. Herod has become the new God.

A star pierces through the pain and suffering of humanity to shine upon a small stable. The woman, Mary, claims to be a virgin, but she is with child and considered to be a lying whore. A lying whore.

A bastard child cries out to the heavens. His cries are music to the Goddamn God's ears; his son has been born in Bethlehem: the city of fear.

17

RPGs / I need help developing an EASY sci-fi RPG for class ASAP!

« on: April 24, 2010, 12:34:08 AM »

OWP Project

Background: When I was in high school, I loved my American History class because we played a tabletop RPG version of Oregon Trail. Essentially, we were put into groups and given skill challenges every week to see how far our group could advance along the trail.

I would like to do a similar thing for an English class, but put it together as a sci-fi game. The rules should be basic enough to pass along to any genre though.

Premise: The class is divided into teams of four. Much like Oregon Trail, players will complete skill challenges to achieve the maximum amount of distance each game. This would be either a semester or a year project and played only every once in awhile. To encourage attendance for my classroom, each team member will be given a job for their particular team. When every team member is there, then their ship will have a greater chance at moving closer to their destination.

Team Member types: I think it would be interesting to have students create very simple characters that would have various skills that could come in handy. Either this or have pre-gen character types that have a variety of skills.

Pre-gen types: Pilot, Medic, Gunner, and Mechanic. Any more types would be very helpful because I think it would be interesting for students to have to pick different jobs that they would think would be best for their crew.

What I need from you, faithful RPPR folks: I need help figuring out the mechanics of skill types, and also scenarios that would be difficult for students to deal with. If you could incorporate writing in some way, that would be really great (since it IS an English class after all). As long as the scenarios are morally difficult, that would be helpful.

Essentially, the map would be divided into different spaces and players would be able to move a maximum amount of spaces (like, 5) and they would have to complete skill challenges to allow them to move all five of those spaces every time we play. I want to have a jump gate that will allow ships to move farther on the board, but only if they are able to fix them or they can take a chance that they won’t be transported somewhere else on the board. Also, flying through an asteroid field will shorten their flight time, but could result in death. Any other ideas for hazards are welcome.

Any other additional help with this project will be much appreciated. I came up with all of this after I left Ross’s tonight, so nothing is finalized, and this post is a little scattered, but I would love any additional help I could get for this. Thanks ahead of time!

By the way, I knew LOTS of ideas before May 1st (next Saturday) so please help me as soon as possible!

18

Role Playing Public Radio Podcast / A Novel idea

« on: March 29, 2010, 02:52:00 PM »

I need to get serious about writing and I think writing for a specific audience would help me get motivated. That's where all of you come in. Please vote and let me know which you would prefer you read. If you don't want to read anything I've written, that's cool, just move along to something else. If you want more fantasy in your life, what would you like me to write? Here are my options.

I'm considering a "pay per chapter" type situation or just releasing snippets on this page and then paying to publish it myself if I get enough cash to do so.

Anyway, thanks for bearing with me on this one.

19

General Chaos / 101 "Lost" Jokes

« on: March 04, 2010, 06:49:49 PM »

I want to come up with as many jokes about the TV show "Lost" as we can. Here are the ground rules:

1) Nothing too dirty. A little profanity is okay, but try to keep it as clean as you can.

2) Puns are a plus. Work on wordplay because that is what makes a good crappy joke.

Otherwise, I have no other rules that I can think of right now, but I'm sure a certain someone whose screenname is related to a certain space opera that I hate will make me change my mind.

Here are my three jokes:

1) What is Desmond's favorite kind of pasta? Penne.


2) If Charlie's band name was named after a bowel afflication, what would they be called? Dry Shat.


3) What do you get when you cross the leader of the Others with a citrus fruit? Benjamin Lime-us.


  I am very proud of this. Can't wait to see what you can do!

20

Role Playing Public Radio Podcast / Chatting with whores

« on: February 24, 2010, 08:31:05 PM »

As loyal listeners of RPPR's New World Campaign know, I really want to play a game of D&D with a hooker. Okay, so I don't really, but I think it would be funny to see if I can get a hooker to agree to game with us.

So, guess what I've been doing . . .

I went to Craigslist to see if I could find some whores who would even be willing to discuss the matter. So far, I've sent out numerous e-mails with no response, but I have chatted with a whore named Tina Summers on this matter. Here is our chat log:

me: quick question and this may sound a little weird, but bare with me

me: k?

tina summers: 1 question

me: my friends and I are playing Dungeons and Dragons and I was wondering if you would play with us if we paid you. No sex at all!! Just playing D&D. That's it. Would you do that?

tina summers: no

me: may I ask why not or is that my only question?

tina summers: i dont play and i dont wanna

me: we could teach you on the first and that's totally cool, I respect you as a person as a woman to the second

me: btw, you are totally hawt


Give it a shot and see if you can do any better.

21

General Chaos / Scams and Flams

« on: February 19, 2010, 01:11:04 PM »

This is an e-mail that a friend of mine received. She posted it on her Facebook page and I loved it so much, that I have decided to respond to the e-mailer using one of my many junk mail accounts (come on, we all have one). Enjoy!


The e-mail:

Good day,


Please excuse this humble email if it offends your sensibilities, but I have no
other means to contact you. I cannot talk on the telephone, so I did a search
for your email address, which I found on the International Business Directorate
Email Data Search. My name is Mrs. M Pete, I'm a 52 years old woman.


I am a widow who is dying of oesophageal cancers. I was married to
Donald Pete, who was an Executive of Shell Oil Company. We are both
British people who worked in South Africa until he was killed. Presently, I'm
in a hospital where I have been undergoing treatment for Cancerin South Africa.


I have in a security firm the sum of 10,000,000.00GBP (Ten Million Great Britain
Pound Sterling) which my husband deposited before he died in a tragic automobile
accident where he was killed instantly. Because my doctors informed that I have
several weeks to live I must find a good God fearing person who will see that my
money is used for the benefit of the less privileged like homeless orphans and
motherless babies.

I have decided to seek your help in carrying out my last wishes, I have since lost
my ability to talk and my doctors have told me that I have only few weeks to live,
It is my last wish to see this money distributed.

My research says you are just the person I seek. Because you have been found
#so trustworthy, I will like you to keep 15% for yourselves and give the rest to
worthy charity. Maybe you could start the Donald Pete Foundation which will
keep my husband name alive.


I have enclosed for you the Current Photograph I took below Because relatives and
friends have plundered so much of my wealth since my illness, I cannot live with the
agony entrusting this huge responsibility to any of them.


Be rest assured that I will sign the necessary Probate Documents to make you the
beneficiary. I will also ask a friend, hospital, attendant, Mr. Makolo to discuss with
you since I can no longer talk or lost my vocal system to give you the details
and bank where the money was deposited to avoid delay in transferring the money
to you now that I am still alive.


As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the security
company in South Africa/ Germany and I will send authority letter that will
prove you the present beneficiary of the money in the finance company that
is if you assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated herein

1. Your Full Names
2. Your contact Address
3. Your Age
4. Your Marital Status
5. Your Occupation
6. Your Mobile Numbers and
7. Your Home Phone


Feel free to call Mr. Makolo and ask any question regarding this transaction.


I am waiting for your response.please reply in my privat mail add via
(madam_pete@yahoo.cn)

Be Bless as you reply positively,
Remain Blessed,
Mrs M. Pete



Here is my response:


Mrs. Pete,

I am of wanting to be servicable to your estate! Being of God-fearing Christianess, I am quite qualified to aid you and the enormous amount that you are currently having in your posession.

Glad I am to see that your research has led you to me! I have worked long and hard into all hours of the night and day to get my good and respectable name out to the research sites for just such an occasion as this one. When I was of a young age (perhaps the age of a boy) I was told by my mother who imparted advice that only a mother could give that I would be perfect at spending a rich person's money on selfless things.

Most importantly, I assure you that as a person in extreme fear of God, I will use your fortune to help BOTH orphaned children and homeless babies. I will do my best to ensure that no children will ever be orphaned, nor any babies go homeless. The very thought of a baby panhandling for money to buy a bottle of cheap alcohol is a thought that can send shivers up my spine and make my heart break and weep for pain.

Excitement is filling me up as we speak at the prospect and idea of this venture you have tasked me into having! Seeing as how you are without vocal systems, is there anyway I can speak with Mr. Makolo in regards to these matters? I have some quandries and questions regarding which bank account I should have the money transferred to.

I know that times are dark and of frightening natures, but I do believe that your cancers will be better in time! If not, then you can be assuredly rested in believing that I will be a champion to the world in your name. I wish to start the Donald and M Pete Foundation for Saving Orphaned Children and Homeless Babies in your honors! We shall have a feast to celebrate your live!

Contact me as soon as possible as I have HIV and do not know how much longer I may be able to assist you.


Be Bless as you reply in a manner that is most positive toward my wants,
Remain blessed,
Continue remaining blessed for all your days.
One more blessing to grow on.

-Mrs. M. Jo Risen.

22

Role Playing Public Radio Podcast / SCREAMING PELICAN T-SHIRTS!!!

« on: January 29, 2010, 12:07:30 PM »

I've decided to make Screaming Pelican t-shirts and I wanted to see who was interested in it before I actually sent them off to be made. Here are the stipulations:

1) They are going to cost $17 for everything (shipping, etc.)

2) I need at least 15 people to order the shirts.

This is the type of shirt: https://www.broderbros.com/cgi-bin/online/webshr/prod-detail.w?sr=T1397¤tColor=03



If you're interested, post your shirt size here or send me a private message letting me know that you want one and I'll let you know where to send your check or money order. If you all aren't interested, it isn't a big deal, but I thought it would be cool to make these.

23

General Chaos / Marvel Comics is bullshit

« on: January 13, 2010, 11:19:23 PM »

I know not everyone on the RPPR forums reads comic books, so if you don't read comics, ignore this thread.

http://www.newsarama.com/comics/Marvel-Retailers-DC-100113.html


Here is my letter in response. I know that it probably won't make a difference and that's fine, but it made me feel better and that is all that matters to me.


James Nausedas
Marvel Entertainment, LLC
417 Fifth Avenue, 10th Floor
New York, NY 10016

To whom it may concern:

I know that I’m not a retailer and therefore, this letter will probably be ignored, but I felt like I really had to say something about the Siege #3  Deadpool variant situation. Now, normally, I try to be as eloquent as possible in response to things that upset me, but this news caught me on a bad day and honestly, sometimes a well-timed swear word (or fifteen) can simply say more than any amount of eloquence and propriety. In short:

GO. FUCK. YOURSELVES.

I had hoped to myself that those three words would be enough. Suffice to say, I have opened Pandora’s Box and I can’t stop there. So, here I go:

You fucking pompous assholes, how fucking dare you pose such a stupid, fucking publicity stunt as this? What the fuck sparked this to be considered a “good idea?” Over the past few years, I have slowly drifted away from Marvel Comics because of the lack of fucking respect you have for your fucking characters, but now, I can see that not only do you have no respect for the characters in your company, but you also have to resort to sleazy promotions like this in order to drum up some excitement.

So, DC beat you out of Diamond’s Top 10 list one month, and THIS is how you respond? THIS?! I guess it’s a solid plan though because now people will really want to buy your fucking shitty comics and the pressure to have a good story is off now. You don’t have to have a good storyline to get people to read Siege because now you’ll have press heat. You don’t have to lie anymore by saying that Bendis had been planning this for years when everyone knows that Bendis is pulling it out of his ass like he always fucking does.

I know this is a stupid way for me to react. I really do. I hate fans that rant and flame on the internet, but I also hate fucking dirty politics more. This dirty, bipartisan bullshit hurts the comic industry and you know as well as I do that the eleventh hour is border-fucking-line here kids. Comics don’t sell the way they used to and by pulling bullshit like this, you’ll have major media tearing nerds apart. “Look how stupid they all are” they will say, “we were right all along to stuff them into lockers and make fun of their little picture books. Look how juvenile and retarded they all look.”

Don’t you understand that our favorite art form is dying? Don’t you see that this is just fuel to further divide fans and create more idiotic fodder for the Internet? Why does Marvel have to be such a hype machine instead of a creative house of ideas that makes good comics? Maybe it’s because Joey Q’s brain is as muddy and shitty as his artwork (oh no he didn’t! – oh yes, I fucking did).

I suppose I’ll wrap this letter up seeing as how I didn’t want to get into rambling and it seems that is exactly what I have done. You shouldn’t mind though – I mean, you work at Marvel comics so you should be used to reading verbal diarrhea on a daily basis. At least this letter was more coherent than one of Bendis’s plots and I didn’t have to rely on a deus ex machina to swoop in and clean things up in the end.

-   Dr. William Cody Walker D.D.S. B.B.Q. W.T.F.

p.s. It is here where I would reemphasize some specific people who should go and fuck themselves. Unfortunately, I am quite sleepy and I don’t have time to list all of the people that should perform that impossible feat, so I will conclude with a general statement that everyone involved with this (and I suppose Bendis as well because I just have a feeling that he is involved in some form or another) should go and fuck his or her own self.

FUCK Y’ALL BITCHES!!!

24

Role Playing Public Radio Podcast / New World Supplemental Game? What what?!

« on: December 11, 2009, 09:23:43 AM »

Well kiddos, I hate to spoil things, but I love anticipation, so I'll just tell you the big news and then you have to wait:

Cody Walker is running a New World Campaign Supplement tonight. Prepare for 1,000,000lbs of awesome.

25

General Chaos / Demon's Souls

« on: October 25, 2009, 10:02:46 PM »

This game is really fucking hard. Anyone else playing it online? Maybe we can roll together and fuck shit up.

26

General Chaos / I will fuck you up. I'll fuck you up Megaman

« on: October 13, 2009, 02:49:08 PM »

<a href="" target="_blank" class="aeva_link bbc_link new_win"></a>

Enjoy!!!

Crashman is my favorite.

27

General Chaos / Scribblenauts

« on: August 01, 2009, 11:47:58 PM »

September 15th, the greatest game of all time will be coming out. I have my reserve down at the GStop. Anybody else with me?

28

RPGs / RPGs that MUST be made

« on: June 06, 2009, 11:09:48 AM »

Personally, I can think of two:

1) Dark Tower - Stephen King's ultimate series is perfect and ripe for RPG action! There are tons of storylines possible and considering the world jumping aspect of things, it would be easy to do supplements of King's other novels as well.

2) Chuck Palahniuk novels - Imagine a world where all of Chuck Palahniuk's books were existing at the same time. What a kick ass RPG of brooding that would take place! Sessions would begin at the end and then flash back to the beginning where the players would have to try and figure out how to get to that point. Awesome.

29

General Chaos / Why you should read China Meiville's "Perdido Street Station"

« on: May 24, 2009, 07:17:30 PM »

Meiville gets a lot of inspiration for his writing from old AD&D monster manuals. He has crafted a really interesting world that melds creepy Kafka-esque motifs with high-concept and bizarre fantasy. His role-playing days really reflect in his writing because the novel sometimes feels like a fully-fleshed out module, but it is particularly interesting when he comments on different aspects of fantasy. For example:

The heroes of the novel need some hired muscle to fight the big bad monster and they decide on hiring some adventurers. This is the conversation that takes place:

"Apparently, there's a few serious adventurers in town right now, claiming to have just liberated some major haul from the ruins in Tashek Rek Hai. Might be up for a little paid work."
 . . .
"I don't trust them, though. Thrill-seekers. They court danger. And they're quite unscrupulous graverobbers for the most part. Anything for gold and experience."


As soon as I read that, I thought of RPPR and laughed.

30

General Chaos / The day the Cathartic Lobster became a hero.

« on: May 17, 2009, 07:37:02 PM »

I was just visiting my favorite local comic book store, when I saw a car pull up next to the dumpster. I knew something was up. I walked by the car so I could get a physical I.D. on the driver for when he came into the store. I warned Alan and Sam and as he came in to sell some DVDs, I went outside and got all his license plate info.

When I came back inside, he began to leave when the metal detector went off. Sam called him over and asked if he had one of our items. He denied it, but I could see the outline of a DVD in his jacket. As he started to walk out, I slapped the side of his coat and felt the DVD. I blocked the door and asked him to remove the item. He actually tried to bargain with me! He said, "You caught me. I tried to steal something. If I give you my DVDs, will you let me go?"

"No way brother," I said, "I just want what you have taken." From a hole in his jacket, he pulled out a Young Indiana Jones Box Set ($85.99). ... Read More

"Have a seat" I pointed to the bench.

"Why?"

"Because we're going to have a little conversation about what we're going to do when the cops get here."

He shoved me out of the way and I yelled, "YOU ARE SO DEAD MOTHER FUCKER! WE'RE CALLING THE COPS AND WE HAVE ALL YOUR INFORMATION!!! FUCK YOU DUDE! SERIOUSLY, GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!"

When I came back into the store, I put on John Parr's theme to St. Elmo's Fire (Man in Motion) and I proceeded to belt out the lyrics as I took a few laps around. I waved my arms in the air and proclaimed myself a hero.

Over
And over
And over


I always knew I was a crime-figher at heart!