: Arje April 09, 2010, 04:11:07 PM
The rules are simple, the above poster posts something like this:
"I wish that RPPR had a convention hall"
And the member who posts after him would say something like:
"Granted. Except that it has only cramped room to game in, with a few rotting pizzas here and there. And a gremlin."
Get the picture? I'll start with something simple.
I wish I had a billion dollars!
: IDaMan008 April 09, 2010, 04:33:53 PM
I wish I had a billion dollars!
Granted, except that in order to acquire your fortune, you have to pull it out of other people's ears one shiny nickel at a time.
I wish that I could sail around the world on a luxury yacht.
: clockworkjoe April 09, 2010, 04:36:24 PM
I wish that I could sail around the world on a luxury yacht.
granted but you have to pull it out of cthulhu's head first (someone rammed him with the yacht)
I wish I could get this last 20k words written by Monday
: Boyos April 09, 2010, 04:37:28 PM
I wish I had a pet poney.
: Arje April 09, 2010, 05:01:59 PM
I wish for a chilled 20 Oz Coka Cola.
: clockworkjoe April 09, 2010, 05:07:02 PM
I wish for a chilled 20 Oz Coka Cola.
granted but it's actually an unstable quantum nuka cola grenade
: Arje April 09, 2010, 05:08:23 PM
What is your next wish ROSSSSSS!?!
: Tadanori Oyama April 09, 2010, 05:19:28 PM
(best genie voice)
What is your next wish ROSSSSSS!?!
Granted, but Ross's wish is to be left alone.
I wish I had a local game store with wider book selection.
: JonHook April 09, 2010, 05:38:53 PM
I wish I had a local game store with wider book selection.
Granted, but it's got all the Twilight books you can every want!
I wish I had a job!!! >:(
: Charlie72 April 09, 2010, 05:42:14 PM
Granted, you're now a animal porn star.I wish I had a local game store with wider book selection.
Granted, but it's got all the Twilight books you can every want!
I wish I had a job!!! >:(
I wish I was internet famous.
: ugnis13 April 09, 2010, 05:44:47 PM
[/quote]
I wish I was internet famous.
[/quote]
Granted, but its for being an animal porn star.
I wish there were no trolls
: Tadanori Oyama April 09, 2010, 05:53:00 PM
I wish there were no trolls
Granted but without stupid things to direct their anger at on the net anime fans are modivated to hunt people in real life.
I wish the world had a clean burning fuel source.
: Arje April 09, 2010, 05:55:36 PM
I wish that I had telekinesis.
: Tadanori Oyama April 09, 2010, 07:04:46 PM
I wish that I had telekinesis.
Granted but to use your new ability you have to strick a fork into a wall outlet.
I wish my morgage payment was lower.
: Kroack April 09, 2010, 07:53:19 PM
I wish my morgage payment was lower.
Granted, but Order 66 was your broker.
I wish that the Pope would stop sheltering pedophiles.
: Tadanori Oyama April 09, 2010, 08:00:51 PM
Granted, but Order 66 was your broker.
You fucker.
I wish that the Pope would stop sheltering pedophiles.
Granted, the Pope now enforces pedophilia.
I wish someone would make a good D&D movie.
: Kroack April 09, 2010, 08:56:02 PM
I wish I had used a condom
Granted, cuz i would feel sorry for your kids.
I wish that Michal Jackson was still alive.
: Setherick April 09, 2010, 09:37:51 PM
I wish that Michal Jackson was still alive.
Granted, but he died way back while making Thriller and had been a zombie all these years.
I wish I could outsource my student papers to be graded.
: acronomicon April 09, 2010, 09:49:25 PM
I wish I could outsource my student papers to be graded.
Granted, but the constant contact with foreign nationals earns you a spot on a list or two.
I wish cheap beer didn't mean bad beer.
: Setherick April 09, 2010, 10:04:54 PM
I wish I could outsource my student papers to be graded.
I wish cheap beer didn't mean bad beer.
Granted, but you're the one that bought the beer that said "now with real beer flavor."
I wish that the Milwaukee gaming community didn't suck so bad.
: Sean-o-tron April 09, 2010, 10:38:30 PM
I wish that the Milwaukee gaming community didn't suck so bad.
Granted, all the gamers are twelve-year-old Halo kids.
I wish my girlfriend would pay more attention to me.
: Tadanori Oyama April 09, 2010, 10:47:34 PM
I wish my girlfriend would pay more attention to me.
Granted, she's taken out a life insurance policy on you and has been serving you a "special" breakfast every morning since.
I wish I had a new office chair.
: Setherick April 09, 2010, 10:49:49 PM
I wish my girlfriend would pay more attention to me.
I wish I had a new office chair.
Granted, but you're the one that used it to play office hockey.
I wish I had a new office chair too.
: Tadanori Oyama April 09, 2010, 10:54:26 PM
I wish I had a new office chair too.
Granted but when you put it together you snapped the lock on the locking mechanism so it always leans back.
I wish my laptop would stop breaking.
: Sean-o-tron April 09, 2010, 10:56:29 PM
I wish my laptop would stop breaking.
Granted, now it's coated with venom from the deadly Black Mamba.
I wish the Nintendo Wii had better graphics.
: Tadanori Oyama April 09, 2010, 11:03:31 PM
I wish the Nintendo Wii had better graphics.
Granted, each frame is now hand drawn. While you wait.
I wish I had a cooler version of my avatar.
: Boyos April 09, 2010, 11:26:26 PM
I wish I had a bowl of soup.
http://fc06.deviantart.net/fs47/f/2009/169/d/6/Shit_Pickle_by_ChadRocco.jpg
: Setherick April 09, 2010, 11:42:46 PM
I wish there where more trolls
not jackass dumb shit trolls,but funny,milky white,big and juicy trolls.
OH YEAH!
You really don't know how to play the game do you. Go back and read post #1.
: ArtfulShrapnel April 09, 2010, 11:54:00 PM
I wish I had a bowl of soup.
Granted. Today's soup is head lice and toenails in an expired beet reduction.
I wish I could paint faster.
: Dawnsteel April 09, 2010, 11:57:05 PM
: ArtfulShrapnel
I wish I could paint faster.
Granted. Here's your power sprayer and seven thousand gallons of retina-burn-pink.
I wish I wasn't allergic to dogs.
: Setherick April 09, 2010, 11:58:32 PM
: ArtfulShrapnelI wish I could paint faster.
Granted. Here's your power sprayer and seven thousand gallons of retina-burn-pink.
I wish I wasn't allergic to dogs.
Granted, you're now allergic to oxygen.
I wish my bookshelves would pack themselves.
: Dawnsteel April 10, 2010, 12:01:23 AM
: Setherick
I wish my bookshelves would pack themselves.
Granted. Incidentally, that book you need to finish your dissertation mailed itself 17th class to Guam.
I wish I hadn't broken my favorite pint glass last night.
: Tadanori Oyama April 10, 2010, 12:22:56 AM
I wish I hadn't broken my favorite pint glass last night.
Granted, your imported rug caught the glass, and it's contense, shortly before you dropped your lighter.
I wish this torrent file would download faster.
: Setherick April 10, 2010, 12:34:27 AM
I wish I hadn't broken my favorite pint glass last night.
Granted, your imported rug caught the glass, and it's contense, shortly before you dropped your lighter.
I wish this torrent file would download faster.
Granted, but it turns out to be a Rick Roll.
I wish I had a pint of bitter and a pint of stout.
: ArtfulShrapnel April 10, 2010, 12:37:08 AM
Granted, but it turns out to be a Rick Roll.
I wish I had a pint of bitter and a pint of stout.
Granted. They belong to the hairiest biker of them all, and he is coming to get them back.
I wish the zombie apocalypse would hurry up and happen.
: Arje April 10, 2010, 12:40:15 AM
I wish for the heads of my enemies on pikes. To hear the lamentations of their women and to see their armies driven before me.
: ArtfulShrapnel April 10, 2010, 12:42:04 AM
Granted... All the zombies are dead.
I wish for the heads of my enemies on pikes. To hear the lamentations of their women and to see their armies driven before me.
Granted. Unfortunately you are not the conquering force, and the enemy of your enemy is just a dick that will kill everyone.
I wish there were more hours in the day.
: clockworkjoe April 10, 2010, 01:52:20 AM
Granted... All the zombies are dead.
I wish for the heads of my enemies on pikes. To hear the lamentations of their women and to see their armies driven before me.
granted unfortunately you are your own worst enemy
I wish I had a klondike bar
: Tadanori Oyama April 10, 2010, 02:06:01 AM
I wish there were more hours in the day.
Granted, 9 hours are added to each week day, eliminating all weekends.
I wish my gaming group would try some new games.
: acronomicon April 10, 2010, 02:09:29 AM
I wish they made new episodes of star trek
Granted. To appeal to a new generation of fans, the crew is made up of sparkly angst-ridden vampires.
I wish cars had a mechanism that forced drivers to watch the road while driving.
: IDaMan008 April 10, 2010, 03:06:05 AM
I wish cars had a mechanism that forced drivers to watch the road while driving.
Granted, but the designers ripped off the headgear from A Clockwork Orange. Now all drivers have their personalities reprogrammed so that they are prevented from making immoral choices, thus rendering them helpless nonentities.
I wish that I could eat sushi every day.
: ArtfulShrapnel April 10, 2010, 03:09:12 AM
I wish cars had a mechanism that forced drivers to watch the road while driving.
Granted, but the designers ripped off the headgear from A Clockwork Orange. Now all drivers have their personalities reprogrammed so that they are prevented from making immoral choices, thus rendering them helpless nonentities.
I wish that I could eat sushi every day.
Granted. You are stranded on a treeless island in the middle of the pacific. The only food available is fish and seaweed.
I wish Order 66 would learn how to play this game.
: ArtfulShrapnel April 10, 2010, 03:12:05 AM
I wish my gaming group would try some new games.
Granted. They decide to try Synnibar and F.A.T.A.L. before moving on to something worse....
To merge the wishes threads:
I wish Order 66 would learn how to play this game.
: IDaMan008 April 10, 2010, 03:15:12 AM
I wish Order 66 would learn how to play this game.
Granted, but once he figures it out, he starts playing it in every single post he makes, even in other threads.
I wish I had a Zoom H2 so that I could record games more often without borrowing my girlfriend's laptop.
: Tadanori Oyama April 10, 2010, 03:20:13 AM
I wish I had a Zoom H2 so that I could record games more often without borrowing my girlfriend's laptop.
Granted, but with lasting access to her laptop your girlfriend spends less and less time with you.
I wish my fiance wasn't going to get downsized in a month.
: Setherick April 10, 2010, 09:56:09 AM
I wish my fiance wasn't going to get downsized in a month.
Granted, however, she has now been down-sized, meaning she only stands 2" tall.
I wish I had a Blendtec blender so I could blend crazy things.
: Dawnsteel April 10, 2010, 10:14:03 AM
: Setherick
I wish I had a Blendtec blender so I could blend crazy things.
Granted, but this is a prototype model, and the carafe and its blades are made of Nerf.
I wish I hadn't coated myself in gasoline yesterday.
: Tadanori Oyama April 10, 2010, 11:20:36 AM
I wish I hadn't coated myself in gasoline yesterday.
Granted, you evaded the gasolne. However without the smell masking your scent nothing prevented the bear from finding you.
I wish I had a sandwich.
: FuzzyDan April 10, 2010, 11:43:29 AM
I wish I had a sandwich.
Granted, but eating that KFC Double Down was just enough to trigger five consecutive heart attacks.
I wish I had the time and players to host all the games I wanted.
: acronomicon April 10, 2010, 11:56:12 AM
I wish I had the time and players to host all the games I wanted.
Granted, but they're all mix/maxing rules lawyers that view every hiccup in the game as a personal attack against themselves...and the extra time comes from chronic insomnia driving you insane.
I wish I had a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce and mustard, and, AND I don't want any zombie turkeys, I don't want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don't want any other weird surprises.
: Tadanori Oyama April 10, 2010, 12:04:08 PM
I wish I had a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce and mustard, and, AND I don't want any zombie turkeys, I don't want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don't want any other weird surprises.
Granted. Though the turkey is a little dry.
I wish my employer enjoyed my epic wit as much as I do.
: Setherick April 10, 2010, 01:37:27 PM
I wish my employer enjoyed my epic wit as much as I do.
Granted, you're employer is now Joseph Addison. He makes you work a hand press while you tell him witty things. He then takes credit for your ideas.
I wish Order66 would read the first thread.
: Kroack April 10, 2010, 05:08:10 PM
I wish Order66 would read the first thread.
Granted, but the effort he exerted in reading that small amount literally blinded him. Good job, I hope you're happy.
I wish that the RIFTS system was better.
: Setherick April 10, 2010, 05:18:48 PM
I wish that the RIFTS system was better.
Granted, it's now a better version of Synnibar.
I wish I hadn't made a Synnibar joke.
: ugnis13 April 10, 2010, 07:06:50 PM
[/quote]
I wish I hadn't made a Synnibar joke.
[/quote]
Granted. Instead it was a F.A.T.A.L joke.
I wish one of my lottery tickets wins
: Dawnsteel April 10, 2010, 07:35:31 PM
: ugnis13
I wish one of my lottery tickets wins
Granted! By a staggering coincidence, 1,8400,000 people picked the same winning numbers. Your total payoff: $0.17, after taxes.
I wish I had a chilled glass of pinot grigio.
: Boyos April 10, 2010, 07:36:47 PM
I wish I had a nice Sam Adams Summer Ale.
: Dawnsteel April 10, 2010, 07:45:07 PM
: Boyos
I wish I had a nice Sam Adams Summer Ale.
Granted. The bottle is ice-cold, but the cap is not twist-off. You don't have a bottle opener, and the table in front of you has rounded edges.
I wish I'd remember to add my wish before I post these.
: Arje April 10, 2010, 09:14:53 PM
I wish I'd remember to add my wish before I post these.
Granted, but you've used the brainspace that you used to use to remember how to breath.
I wish Kick-Ass was out this weekend instead of next.
: ugnis13 April 10, 2010, 09:57:12 PM
[/quote]
I wish Kick-Ass was out this weekend instead of next.
[/quote]
Granted, but it came out at the same time as the next Twilight movie, so you have to wait in lines next to their fans.
I wish i could learn how to quote properly
: Dawnsteel April 10, 2010, 11:04:38 PM
: ugnis13
I wish i could learn how to quote properly
Granted, but now you can only post quotations, and never your own words.
I wish I could attend GenCon.
: Tadanori Oyama April 10, 2010, 11:20:05 PM
I wish I could attend GenCon.
Granted, your girlfriend bought the tickets and follows you pouting the entire time. You do have a girlfriend, right?
I wish my brother would learn to RP an investigative game properly.
: Dawnsteel April 10, 2010, 11:46:26 PM
: Tadanori Oyama
You do have a girlfriend, right?No girlfriend. Wife, though. The rest would be pretty much accurate.
: Tadanori Oyama
I wish my brother would learn to RP an investigative game properly.
Granted. He takes copious notes and grills everyone, players and NPCs, like a grizzled fifteen-year detective. You are overwhelmed by his required level of detail, and start planning meat-grinder scenarios. (He still attempts to question the ghoul hordes.)
I wish I was a competent GM.
: Tadanori Oyama April 10, 2010, 11:57:08 PM
I wish I was a competent GM.
Granted, you become a competent Gm and now realize none of your players are competent players. Your inability to come back down to their level results in striff and eventual estrangement.
I wish I had a dog.
: Setherick April 10, 2010, 11:59:23 PM
I wish I had a dog.
Granted, you now own a dog that one of my friends and I dreamed up. The Rotzu. Part Shizu, part Rotweiller. The head is 8 times the size of the body, it still tries to bite your ankles, and makes a high pitch yap.
I wish I had a cheetah.
: Tadanori Oyama April 11, 2010, 12:02:58 AM
I wish I had a cheetah.
Granted, but it runs away. The irony is lost on the park services officers who knock on your door the next day.
I wish I had cable.
: clockworkjoe April 11, 2010, 12:18:39 AM
I wish I could kill the demons
: Dawnsteel April 11, 2010, 08:52:29 AM
: Tadanori Oyama
I wish I had cable.
Granted. There is a one-thousand-foot spool of industrial electric cable occupying most of your living room.
: clockworkjoe
I wish I could kill the demons
Granted. It turns out that demon blood is highly acidic, and has eaten away parts of your walls and most of the floor.
I wish my seven-year-old would play Mouse Guard with me.
: Boyos April 11, 2010, 01:15:57 PM
I wish It was X-mas already!
: beowuuf April 11, 2010, 04:35:26 PM
Wish granted! New marketing makes every national holiday and weekend Christmas. Happy X-mas 23! You will now be working extra hours to pay for the backlog of presents you owe your family and friends.
I wish I could hear the New World episodes 23 - 30 (odd) that have been played but not posted.
: Sean-o-tron April 11, 2010, 04:58:43 PM
I wish my brother didn't have to go back to Iraq.
: Sean-o-tron April 11, 2010, 04:59:52 PM
Granted. Your dog is Cujo.
I wish I could kill the demons
No Ross, you ARE the demons.
And then Ross was a zombie.
: clockworkjoe April 11, 2010, 05:15:11 PM
Granted. Your dog is Cujo.
I wish I could kill the demons
No Ross, you ARE the demons.
And then Ross was a zombie.
THANK YOU
wait
oh and your wish is granted. Your brother is now going to Afghanistan.
: Sean-o-tron April 11, 2010, 06:50:55 PM
PLAY THE GAME RIGHT
JESUS
: clockworkjoe April 11, 2010, 10:27:40 PM
: Arje April 11, 2010, 10:32:07 PM
I wish i wasn't sick as hell.
: Dawnsteel April 11, 2010, 10:43:10 PM
: Arje
I wish i wasn't sick as hell.
Granted. Now you are merely purgin' like Purgatory.
I wish I didn't have insomnia.
: Shallazar April 11, 2010, 11:02:43 PM
I wish I was Tom.
: Setherick April 11, 2010, 11:06:06 PM
I wish I was Tom.
Granted, you are now Tom. (If you knew Tom like I knew Tom you would know how this is ironically funny.)
I wish my students were better writers.
: clockworkjoe April 11, 2010, 11:26:20 PM
I wish I was Tom.
Granted, you are now Tom. (If you knew Tom like I knew Tom you would know how this is ironically funny.)
I wish my students were better writers.
granted, your students all write best selling books making you to be a child molesting neo-nazi cult leader and everyone believes it because of how well they are written
I wish I was given a 100 million dollar budget and unlimited time to make whatever movie I want
: Setherick April 11, 2010, 11:36:36 PM
I wish I was given a 100 million dollar budget and unlimited time to make whatever movie I want
Granted, but the post-production team turns your movie into Home Alone 5 using a CGI version of Macullay Coioidgaolktehat, putting you 300 million over budget.
I wish I could sleep more than five hours a night.
: Tadanori Oyama April 12, 2010, 12:24:44 PM
I wish I could sleep more than five hours a night.
Granted, you now sleep 6 hours a night beginning at 7pm. You are asleep then awake in alternating one minute intervals until 7am.
I wish Ross was running more con games so I could book a solid space.
: acronomicon April 12, 2010, 02:40:42 PM
I wish Ross was running more con games so I could book a solid space.
Granted, but the only game you can get in on is Rifts, and the rest of the players are staying to their Ren-faire preferences by bathing once every few months...and this isn't their month.
I wish I had one of those nifty engineer bags everybody is talking about.
: Setherick April 12, 2010, 02:47:08 PM
I wish I had one of those nifty engineer bags everybody is talking about.
Granted, except you find yourself in the Army Corp of Engineers and the year is 1934.
I wish that I could get someone to teach my class for me today.
: beowuuf April 12, 2010, 02:52:34 PM
Wish granted...it was Tom. And hoooo-boy, did they learn well.
I wish I had a cool group to play my new Call of Cthulhu rulebook purchase with.
: Shallazar April 12, 2010, 03:14:38 PM
Wish granted...it was Tom. And hoooo-boy, did they learn well.
I wish I had a cool group to play my new Call of Cthulhu rulebook purchase with.
It wasn't just any Tom, it was me.
As for Granting Beowulf's wish, KAZAAM! It shall be done!
But your group is soo cool that soon they find themselves in need of a cool Keeper.
I wish I was in happy land.
: Tadanori Oyama April 12, 2010, 03:26:46 PM
I wish I was in happy land.
Granted, due to a time warp you find yourself in Happy Land. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Happy_Land_fire)
I wish I could go on my lunch break.
: Setherick April 12, 2010, 05:04:55 PM
I wish I could go on my lunch break.
Granted, but the only thing the cafeteria is serving is this (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lutefisk).
I wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener.
: Tadanori Oyama April 12, 2010, 05:15:56 PM
Granted, but the only thing the cafeteria is serving is this (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lutefisk).
Joke's on them: my family came over from Denmark.
I wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener.
Granted, your name is now Oscar and you for work Meyer Weiner. (http://mcweiner.com/)
I wish the was an "i" in "team".
: beowuuf April 12, 2010, 05:21:55 PM
Wish granted, now it's looking at you funnily....
I wish there was 'me' in 'team'
: Setherick April 13, 2010, 12:28:59 AM
I wish there was 'me' in 'team'
Granted. Congratulations you find your self stuck in the word "team", that is, your soul is distributed among all uses of the word team in the English language. You also feel the emotions conveyed each time someone says the word "team" so that you simultaneously feel joy and sorrow whenever someone says "teamster", you enjoy victory and defeat every night at every sporting event, and you just feel slimy whenever there is a synergy conventions.
I wish I had not slept for three hours tonight during the time I was supposed to be doing work.
: Boyos April 13, 2010, 12:35:34 AM
I wish I did not have to work to support my family.
: Setherick April 13, 2010, 12:40:01 AM
I wish I did not have to work to support my family.
Granted, you now have stopped believing in the middle-class concept of the male breadwinner that developed in the 1840s and continues today by replicating itself through emphases on sympathetic identification with your family's wants, which are actually latent desires produced by a capitalist system. However, you now feel really isolated and alone.
I wish I was more of a sociopath like Tom. ;D
: Tadanori Oyama April 13, 2010, 12:50:01 AM
I wish I was more of a sociopath like Tom. ;D
Granted, you are now more like Tom, you poor fucker. As a side effect, Tom has become more like you and published a book on the specifics of the personality switch. The movie rights alone where 50 million. Luckily, your a sociopath and don't care.
I wish the Scion skill system made more sense, like nWoD's design.
: Wooberman April 13, 2010, 02:02:17 PM
I wish the Scion skill system made more sense, like nWoD's design.
Granted, but it now resembles Synnibarr.
I wish I was a superhero
: Tadanori Oyama April 13, 2010, 02:29:06 PM
I wish I was a superhero
Granted, you have to design your powers with Mutants and Masterminds 1st Edition Rules.
I wish there wasn't so much paperwork littering my desk.
: Dawnsteel April 13, 2010, 03:45:40 PM
: Tadanori Oyama
I wish there wasn't so much paperwork littering my desk.
Granted! Unfortunately, the purge-by-fire trick has eliminated the desk as well. Also the carpet.
I wish my daughter would learn to walk.
: Wooberman April 13, 2010, 04:25:37 PM
I wish my daughter would learn to walk.
Granted, But she is accompanied by incredibly annoying theme music at all times.
I wish I am grammar speaking well
: Setherick April 13, 2010, 04:38:58 PM
I wish I am grammar speaking well
Granted, unfortunately the grammar and speech that you learn to do well is of a dead language, so dead in fact that it has never been named or studied. This not only makes you isolated from your friends and family, but linguists from around the world want to study you. You also can never regain the ability to communicate in any other language.
I wish (more of a hope) that my meeting about my dissertation with my advisor goes well.
: Melvar April 13, 2010, 04:54:32 PM
I wish (more of a hope) that my meeting about my dissertation with my advisor goes well.
Granted. He didn't vomit. http://www.phdcomics.com/comics/archive.php?comicid=690 (http://www.phdcomics.com/comics/archive.php?comicid=690)
I wish I didn't have to memorize my new licence plate numbers. I feel like my life is just a bunch of numbers and letters that somehow identify me.
: Tadanori Oyama April 13, 2010, 05:11:59 PM
I wish I didn't have to memorize my new licence plate numbers. I feel like my life is just a bunch of numbers and letters that somehow identify me.
Granted, your stylish new skull tattoo does the memorizing for you.
I wish I could drive.
: Melvar April 13, 2010, 05:52:17 PM
I wish I could drive.
Granted. You can now derive better than anyone else, just be sure you don't drink and derive.
I wish my homebrew would brew faster.
: Setherick April 13, 2010, 05:54:20 PM
I wish my homebrew would brew faster.
Granted, but it tastes like a combination of PBR and sweaty gym socks.
I wish I had an army of grad students to do my bidding.
: Melvar April 13, 2010, 06:02:03 PM
I wish I had an army of grad students to do my bidding.
Granted. But my army of undergrads are more dispensable and swiftly overtake your grad students, burying them in typos, bad math, and unbalanced chemical reactions.
I wish I didn't have to wear corrective lenses to see well.
: Tadanori Oyama April 13, 2010, 06:03:44 PM
I wish I had an army of grad students to do my bidding.
Granted, but they are all philosophy grad students and they have to finish debating the meaning of your bidding before they can do it.
I wish I didn't have to wear corrective lenses to see well.
Granted, your doctor gives you an eye transplant. However, he accidently gives you the eyes of a murderer and all you see are victims.
I wish I controlled the world's energy supply.
: Melvar April 13, 2010, 06:08:02 PM
I wish I controlled the world's energy supply.
Granted, you now control the rising and setting of the sun. All life depends on you doing your job perfectly.
I wish my pen holder on my desk weren't so empty.
: Tadanori Oyama April 13, 2010, 06:09:41 PM
I wish my pen holder on my desk weren't so empty.
Granted, the gastroenterology department begins placing the pens they "find" in your holder.
I wish I had another set of work pants.
: Melvar April 13, 2010, 06:12:17 PM
your doctor gives you an eye transplant. However, he accidently gives you the eyes of a murderer and all you see are victims.
This reminds me of Adam Carolla's movie pitch "Gay-Eye." http://www.adamcarolla.com/ACPBlog/wp-content/gallery/2010-03-29-adam-and-you/15-gayeye.jpg (http://www.adamcarolla.com/ACPBlog/wp-content/gallery/2010-03-29-adam-and-you/15-gayeye.jpg)
: Melvar April 13, 2010, 06:19:19 PM
I wish I had another set of work pants.
Granted. However, they are so tight that whenever you fart, they blow your shoes right off your feet.
It's spring damnit! I wish it weren't so cold and overcast.
: Tadanori Oyama April 13, 2010, 06:38:37 PM
It's spring damnit! I wish it weren't so cold and overcast.
Granted, the tornado quickly removes the clouds and the burning gas lines make it toasty warm.
I wish the construction work across the street would just finish already.
: Melvar April 13, 2010, 07:00:41 PM
I wish the construction work across the street would just finish already.
Granted. Within a day thousands of Chinese workers are shipped into your town in large crates. The construction is completed within a day. However, the Chinese are not shipped back to China and are now looking for jobs. I hope your CV is up to date.
I wish that there were some way to place my wife's cat in stasis while she is gone for 2 weeks and take it out before she comes home. I hate taking care of that damn thing.
: Dawnsteel April 13, 2010, 07:03:17 PM
: Melvar
I wish that there were some way to place my wife's cat in stasis while she is gone for 2 weeks and take it out before she comes home. I hate taking care of that damn thing.
Granted, your wife's cat is now in cryogenic stasis. You must change the refrigerant twice a day, and oil the circulation compressor once a week.
I wish I hadn't crushed my thumb with that hammer, it's very difficult to use my right hand.
: Melvar April 13, 2010, 07:14:27 PM
I wish I hadn't crushed my thumb with that hammer, it's very difficult to use my right hand.
Granted. Instead you cut your left thumb moving a metal bookshelf yesterday afternoon.
I wish I hadn't cut my left thumb moving a metal bookshelf yesterday afternoon.
: Setherick April 13, 2010, 08:28:01 PM
I wish I hadn't cut my left thumb moving a metal bookshelf yesterday afternoon.
Granted, your unborn parasitic twin bit it off in utero while the two of you fought to the death over who would be born and who would die.
I wish I had eaten lunch today so that my blood sugar wouldn't be tanking.
: Dawnsteel April 13, 2010, 08:36:00 PM
: Setherick
I wish I had eaten lunch today so that my blood sugar wouldn't be tanking.
Granted, but your chicken breast was undercooked and now you're hosting a thriving salmonella infection.
I wish my kids would stay in bed after bedtime.
: Tadanori Oyama April 13, 2010, 08:48:41 PM
I wish my kids would stay in bed after bedtime.
Granted, social services is extremely interested in your "bed belt" invention.
I wish the other gamers in my Shadowrun crew know how to fucking run the shadows.
: Setherick April 13, 2010, 11:22:20 PM
I wish the other gamers in my Shadowrun crew know how to fucking run the shadows.
Granted. They now run shadows so well they can do nothing else. They also require a Mountain Dew IV drip to survive.
I wish I could work on an essay I want to write and grade papers at the same time.
: FuzzyDan April 13, 2010, 11:24:41 PM
I wish my kids would stay in bed after bedtime.
Granted, social services is extremely interested in your "bed belt" invention.
*sigh* Time to go to work.
I wish the other gamers in my Shadowrun crew know how to fucking run the shadows.
Granted, now they forgot how to properly work the lights. Every session is a glow-stick rave.
I wish state policies had less red tape and were more effective.
: Dawnsteel April 13, 2010, 11:47:15 PM
: Setherick
I wish I could work on an essay I want to write and grade papers at the same time.
Granted! You've grown a third hand and second head, which improve not only your multi-tasking, but also your ski-boxing.
: FuzzyDan
I wish state policies had less red tape and were more effective.
Granted. All state policies now mandate the use of duct tape, guaranteed 60% more effective.
I wish I'd had a better answer when my daughter asked me, "Daddy, will I have boobs?"
: Arje April 14, 2010, 09:14:14 AM
I wish I could shoot lasers from my eyes and bees from my mouth.
: Dawnsteel April 14, 2010, 09:19:16 AM
: Arje
I wish I could shoot lasers from my eyes and bees from my mouth.
Granted. The net effect, as the lasers kill the bees every time you open your mouth, is that you leave a trail of dead bees wherever you go.
I wish I had something interesting to do this weekend.
: Setherick April 14, 2010, 09:45:22 AM
I wish I had something interesting to do this weekend.
Granted, I hope you like answering "where were you on such-and-such weekend"- and "have you ever been to Pakistan or Azerbaijan"-questions.
I wish that all my stuff would move itself to the new apartment.
: ArtfulShrapnel April 14, 2010, 10:32:28 AM
Granted, I hope you like answering "where were you on such-and-such weekend"- and "have you ever been to Pakistan or Azerbaijan"-questions.
I wish that all my stuff would move itself to the new apartment.
Granted. Your furniture becomes sentient and moves itself in. This will all seem fine until the dresser and bed start a serious relationship and request that you get your own place.
I wish that there were more GMs in my town.
: acronomicon April 14, 2010, 12:14:37 PM
I wish that there were more GMs in my town.
Granted. Every GM requires a multi-page application and convincing story hooks for your character based on their homebrew world. To have enough information for this to be convincing, however, would require they share details of their world...which they aren't willing to do for fear you'll rip them off.
I wish every allergen producing plant in Texas would just stop already.
: Tadanori Oyama April 14, 2010, 12:31:31 PM
I wish every allergen producing plant in Texas would just stop already.
Granted, but the plants all begin to get blue balls from the lack of pollination, eventually cross pollinate themselves, and inbreed hick plants soon cover Texas.
I wish management would tell me what's going on.
: Setherick April 14, 2010, 12:45:26 PM
I wish management would tell me what's going on.
Granted, your every move is now micromanaged at work and outside of work. This is OK with you except when you Boss says, "You want to take a higher angle" when you go to have sex with your wife.
I wish I had more coffee without having to walk to the coffee shop on campus.
: Tadanori Oyama April 14, 2010, 01:20:15 PM
I wish I had more coffee without having to walk to the coffee shop on campus.
Granted, you may make use of your massive coffee bottle at any time with only a turn of your chair. To accommidate this massive supply whatever grad student draws the shot straw has to mix up the brew on the roof with a garden hose and several sacks of instant mix.
I wish that I had quicker reflexes.
: FuzzyDan April 14, 2010, 01:34:42 PM
Granted, you may make use of your massive coffee bottle at any time with only a turn of your chair. To accommidate this massive supply whatever grad student draws the shot straw has to mix up the brew on the roof with a garden hose and several sacks of instant mix.
I wish that I had quicker reflexes.
Granted, although good luck with the next attack that targets your fortitude or will.
I wish I was caught up on paperwork.
: beowuuf April 14, 2010, 02:33:48 PM
Wish granted! You watch the final episode of of "Paperwork," the new HBO drama series about the real life of homicide detectives. It's about 20 hours of your life you'll never get back.
I wish I had four weeks to prepare for next week's audit.
: clockworkjoe April 14, 2010, 03:09:11 PM
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat and a '64 Impala
: ArtfulShrapnel April 14, 2010, 03:41:18 PM
I wish that there were more GMs in my town.
Granted. Every GM requires a multi-page application and convincing story hooks for your character based on their homebrew world. To have enough information for this to be convincing, however, would require they share details of their world...which they aren't willing to do for fear you'll rip them off.
I wish every allergen producing plant in Texas would just stop already.
I suppose that counts as long as there are more of them. I've already got like 5 of that model. :(
granted. They're skipping the audit and going directly to pressing charges. Good luck at trial!
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat and a '64 Impala
Granted. You are now a magician living in 1970. Your car is infested with bats.
I wish I didn't have to go to work tomorrow. (And no "you're fired" responses. That's too easy.)
: clockworkjoe April 14, 2010, 03:55:50 PM
I wish I had a monkey's paw that granted wishes.
: Tadanori Oyama April 14, 2010, 04:08:54 PM
I wish I had a monkey's paw that granted wishes.
Granted, but since the monkey's paw has no ears you have no way of communicating your wishes to it. However it makes an excellent backscratcher.
I wish nothing would go wrong with my wish.
: Setherick April 14, 2010, 05:35:49 PM
akes an excellent backscratcher.
I wish nothing would go wrong with my wish.
Granted, nothing goes wrong but you spend your whole life paranoid that something might.
I wish this essay would revise itself.
: clockworkjoe April 14, 2010, 05:48:33 PM
I wish I could think of a wish.
: beowuuf April 14, 2010, 05:57:49 PM
Wish granted, you decide to wish for the necronomicon. A djinn with tinitus instead gives you a questionable new convention to host a few games in.
I wish I had a monkey's paw backscratcher.
: Tadanori Oyama April 14, 2010, 06:23:01 PM
I wish I had a monkey's paw backscratcher.
Granted, but the backscratcher is a factory reject made from monkey ears so it is not very effective. However it can listen to (though not grant) wishes.
I wish my shoe laces would stop coming untied so often.
: beowuuf April 14, 2010, 06:34:48 PM
Wish granted, unfortunately they are being used to tie Order66's newly hot girlfriend to a furry, because she is also now inappropriately kinky. You ain't getting them back anytime soon.
I wish my new backscratcher would stop looking at me funnily with its mismatched ears.
: Dawnsteel April 14, 2010, 07:03:42 PM
: beowuuf
I wish my new backscratcher would stop looking at me funnily with its mismatched ears.
Granted. It is now looking at you funnily with mismatched eyes, as you might expect.
I wish I didn't have to make dinner tonight.
: acronomicon April 14, 2010, 07:11:24 PM
I wish I didn't have to make dinner tonight.
Granted...you have to make dinner every other night except tonight. Until you die...then it's non-stop dinner cooking IN HELL!
I wish people would control their kids in public.
: Tadanori Oyama April 14, 2010, 07:24:19 PM
I wish people would control their kids in public.
Granted, as the child soldiers conquer your town you realize the error in your judgement.
I wish dogs could see full color.
: Melvar April 14, 2010, 09:04:38 PM
I wish dogs could see full color.
Granted. Black, white and the full grey scale between are a very nice collection of an infinite number of colors.
I wish my pizza I ordered wasn't messed up. I mean, who likes a cheese pizza?!
: Tadanori Oyama April 15, 2010, 02:41:20 PM
I wish my pizza I ordered wasn't messed up. I mean, who likes a cheese pizza?!
Granted, your pizza is exactly as ordered with the slight problem that none of the elements have been conditioned for use on the pizza. The peppers are on the vine, the assorted meats are still alive, and the mushrooms are affixed to the top of the inside of the box.
I wish I'd been able to have my Exalted group meet last night instead of having dinner with my fiance's family.
: Arje April 15, 2010, 02:58:42 PM
I wish that Melvar knew how to spell his own name. Sulu has done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar.
(ninjaedit. rrrs are llls.)
: Wooberman April 16, 2010, 02:56:07 AM
Granted, but instead your exalted group met at your fiancé's family dinner. Impressions were made.)
I wish that Melvar knew how to spell his own name. Sulu has done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar.
(ninjaedit. rrrs are llls.)
Granted, He can now spell his own name but only in wingdings.
I wish my wife wasn't so broody
: beowuuf April 16, 2010, 03:04:31 AM
Wish granted. She buys cats. Lots of cats. You like cats, right? Thouands of cats? Long story short - you sleep in the garage now. The garage of your best friend.
I wish I wasn't working this weekend, and was doing something with a sane amount of cats.
: Dawnsteel April 17, 2010, 01:17:42 AM
: beowuuf
I wish I wasn't working this weekend, and was doing something with a sane amount of cats.
Granted, you are no longer working this weekend. Instead, you'll spend your newly-found free time surgically grafting your two cats together.
I wish that volcano in Iceland would stop erupting.
: Boyos April 17, 2010, 10:37:28 AM
I wish my headphones were not broken.
: Wooberman April 17, 2010, 01:53:56 PM
I wish for my knee to stop hurting
: malyss April 20, 2010, 08:48:16 AM
I wish someone would make a good D&D movie.
never gona happen
I wish I had used a condom
Granted, but it's odd you wanted one for masturbating in the first place...
I wish your dad had used a condom.
: Wooberman April 20, 2010, 01:50:12 PM
Granted, but it's odd you wanted one for masturbating in the first place...
I wish your dad had used a condom.
Granted, He did but through a combination of dust bunnies under the living room sofa, Radon gas and the unusually weak spermicide coating of the condom the twisted cancerous abomination of Order666 came to be.
I wish it was friday night
: ArtfulShrapnel April 20, 2010, 02:07:51 PM
Granted, but it's odd you wanted one for masturbating in the first place...
I wish your dad had used a condom.
Granted, He did but through a combination of dust bunnies under the living room sofa, Radon gas and the unusually weak spermicide coating of the condom the twisted cancerous abomination of Order666 came to be.
I wish it was friday night
Granted. Is it the first friday in June, 2064. You've aged normally. Did you enjoy your coma?
I wish I could get more traffic to my website.
(moodyillustrator.blogspot.com wink wink)
: beowuuf April 20, 2010, 03:01:43 PM
I wish I could just download MAOCT straight into my brain, this reading thing is hard on the eyes!
Edit: By the way, the battle frog is cool, the party frog is Cool Rat cool.
: Mckma April 20, 2010, 03:04:08 PM
Wish granted! You got so much traffic the served crashed. Well, was crashed into anyway, by one elderly grandmother's car. She was unhurt thankjfully. Is that enough traffic for you?
I wish I could just download MAOCT straight into my brain, this reading thing is hard on the eyes!
Granted but it is placed in your occipital lobe overwriting the coding allowing you to see, so you are now blind.
I wish it would rain more...
: Wooberman April 20, 2010, 04:05:22 PM
Granted but it is placed in your occipital lobe overwriting the coding allowing you to see, so you are now blind.
I wish it would rain more...
Granted, It is now raining in biblical proportions.
I wish i wasn't still emotionally scarred by my Trail of Cthulhu Skype game with nbneil
: FuzzyDan April 20, 2010, 06:41:20 PM
Granted, It is now raining in biblical proportions.
I wish i wasn't still emotionally scarred by my Trail of Cthulhu Skype game with nbneil
Granted, you are now strangely aroused by nbneil's Trail of Cthulhu Skype Game. The soft moaning the other players continuously hear from you emotionally scars them instead.
I wish I could have applied to law school this year.
: +1 Hat April 20, 2010, 08:47:37 PM
Granted, you are now strangely aroused by nbneil's Trail of Cthulhu Skype Game. The soft moaning the other players continuously hear from you emotionally scars them instead.
I wish I could have applied to law school this year.
Granted, you are only accepted to Kinky Kelly's House of Law and Inter-species Erotica
I wish I had a job that 1.) was no worse than my current one 2.) let me work days.
: Mckma April 20, 2010, 09:22:01 PM
Granted, you are only accepted to Kinky Kelly's House of Law and Inter-species Erotica
I wish I had a job that 1.) was no worse than my current one 2.) let me work days.
Granted, it not only lets you work days, and not only nights, but also forces you to work days and nights. Constantly. Forever.
I wish I had more expendable income to purchase roleplaying books and videogames...
: Melvar April 20, 2010, 10:39:08 PM
I wish that Melvar knew how to spell his own name. Sulu has done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar.
(ninjaedit. rrrs are llls.)
It came from WoW. They didn't allow 3 same consecutive letters. I thought it was lame and having some logins "Melvar" and others "Melllvar" is a pain in my ass.
I wish I had more expendable income to purchase roleplaying books and videogames...
Granted. A high paying job falls in your lap, however it requires a 125 hour work week, leaving little time for gaming.
I wish I were a lumberjack, cutting down trees, skipping and jumping.
: acronomicon April 20, 2010, 11:56:25 PM
Granted. A high paying job falls in your lap, however it requires a 125 hour work week, leaving little time for gaming.
I wish I were a lumberjack, cutting down trees, skipping and jumping.
Granted, but the singing about wanting to be a girlie just like your dear papa causes some odd looks and not a few disgruntled RCMP's.
I wish someone made an OTC medicine for insomnia that worked.
: Boyos April 21, 2010, 12:45:27 AM
I wish I didnt make a Drink Bleach and die Joke!
: Wooberman April 21, 2010, 02:53:47 AM
I wish i didn't have to burn lean tissue to think of the above scenario.
: Tadanori Oyama April 21, 2010, 11:32:04 AM
I wish i didn't have to burn lean tissue to think of the above scenario.
Granted, because it becomes true, not requiring you to think.
I wish I could brew two pots of office coffee that tasted the same.
: Arje April 21, 2010, 06:40:14 PM
I wish I hadn't created a monster.
: ugnis13 April 21, 2010, 06:48:12 PM
Granted. Now you can, unfortunetly the secret ingredient is the blood of that office worker you are secretly attracted to.
I wish I hadn't created a monster.
Granted. Your creation is now viewed by society as angelic, and many more are soon to come.
I wish i didn't have to take loans to pay for college.
: Boyos April 21, 2010, 07:01:46 PM
I wish I Had a wallet that allways had the exact amount of money I need when im buying stuff.
: Tadanori Oyama April 21, 2010, 07:09:02 PM
I wish I Had a wallet that allways had the exact amount of money I need when im buying stuff.
Granted, your wallet refreshes its cash supply by remotely selling your blood, organs, and other biological valuables, in proportion to whatever you need to buy.
I wish my work day ended at 4pm and not 5 pm.
: Setherick April 21, 2010, 07:21:45 PM
I wish my work day ended at 4pm and not 5 pm.
Granted, it now ends at 4pm every other day, requiring you to work 32 hours straight.
I wish I had internet at my new flat.
: Tadanori Oyama April 21, 2010, 07:37:48 PM
I wish I had internet at my new flat.
Granted and the hidden web cams the creepy serviceman installed in your bathroom are broadcasting perfectly.
I wish I could go straight to gaming tonight without having to go to bell practice.
: clockworkjoe April 21, 2010, 08:16:02 PM
: Kroack April 21, 2010, 08:51:48 PM
wtf is bell practice
Obviously Tad is a hideously deformed hunchback, silly!
I wish I had internet at my new flat.
Granted and the hidden web cams the creepy serviceman installed in your bathroom are broadcasting perfectly.
I wish I could go straight to gaming tonight without having to go to bell practice.
Granted, except now that you just threw Archdeacon Dom Claude Frollo from the top of Notre Dame home isn't the best place to hide.
I wish that my gaming group would play Call of Cthulhu.
: Dawnsteel April 21, 2010, 10:08:54 PM
I wish that my gaming group would play Call of Cthulhu.
Granted. All their characters are illiterate and dual-wield shotguns.
I wish I didn't have a schedule conflict with the local gaming group that just asked me to join.
: Boyos April 21, 2010, 11:32:58 PM
I wish I had a pizza right now!
: FuzzyDan April 21, 2010, 11:38:07 PM
Granted you now can game with them whenever, but its in a cat box infested, porn wal-pappered, smoke stained 1 bedroom basement apt.
I wish I had a pizza right now!
Granted, the Pizza Deliveryperson will be pressing charges.
I wish maximum caseload standards were lower.
: Dawnsteel April 22, 2010, 12:36:06 AM
I wish maximum caseload standards were lower.
Granted. Maximum caseload standards have been lowered. To compensate, your department has hired eighteen mouth-breathing idiots with poor hygiene, and you have to train all of them.
I wish I had the confidence to start running a skype game.
: Arje April 22, 2010, 01:12:34 AM
I wish New futurama was here noooooooow.
: ugnis13 April 22, 2010, 01:31:09 AM
Granted, but so that your karma is balanced, your manhood is decreased proportional to the increase in your confidence.
I wish New futurama was here noooooooow.
Granted. You wake up from your blackout as the show is starting. Your phone has several concerned messages from friends asking why the cops are now looking for you.
I wish i didnt need to do my chemistry lab write ups.
: clockworkjoe April 22, 2010, 02:32:55 AM
I wish the singularity would happen
: Wooberman April 22, 2010, 02:40:27 AM
I wish there were more good tv shows and less reality tv shows
: clockworkjoe April 22, 2010, 02:48:24 AM
Granted, it was a bit of an anti-climax.
I wish there were more good tv shows and less reality tv shows
your wish is already true you just don't watch enough of the good shows. Srsly.
: Wooberman April 22, 2010, 06:04:11 AM
Granted, it was a bit of an anti-climax.
I wish there were more good tv shows and less reality tv shows in the UK
your wish is already true you just don't watch enough of the good shows. Srsly.
Fixed this
: Tadanori Oyama April 22, 2010, 11:58:39 AM
wtf is bell practice
I play in a bell choir. We use hand bells, small brass bells with plastic grips. And we have to practice. Ergo...
: Tadanori Oyama April 22, 2010, 12:03:22 PM
I wish there were more good tv shows and less reality tv shows in the UK.
Granted, when Iceland enacts phase two of it's "Fuck Europe" program and triggers a 9.3 earthquake there are no BBC production facilities left standing to produce reality TV.
I wish China would stop holding down the value of its currency.
: clockworkjoe April 22, 2010, 01:08:15 PM
Granted, it was a bit of an anti-climax.
I wish there were more good tv shows and less reality tv shows in the UK
your wish is already true you just don't watch enough of the good shows. Srsly.
Fixed this
excuse me have you heard of this thing called bit torrent? It may alleviate your condition
: Wooberman April 22, 2010, 01:57:15 PM
Granted, it was a bit of an anti-climax.
I wish there were more good tv shows and less reality tv shows in the UK
your wish is already true you just don't watch enough of the good shows. Srsly.
Fixed this
excuse me have you heard of this thing called bit torrent? It may alleviate your condition
Ah I believe you have the best of me, well done sir
: Dawnsteel April 24, 2010, 10:34:00 AM
I wish China would stop holding down the value of its currency.
Granted. Wal-mart's stock becomes too expensive, forcing them to lay off all their greeters. The resulting mob of enraged geriatrics blames you personally, and they are surrounding your house right now.
I wish I had an extra two hours today.
: Boyos April 24, 2010, 11:43:01 AM
I wish China would stop holding down the value of its currency.
Granted. Wal-mart's stock becomes too expensive, forcing them to lay off all their greeters. The resulting mob of enraged geriatrics blames you personally, and they are surrounding your house right now.
I wish I had an extra two hours today.
Granted! Sadly wal-mart has a great new Kiddy ride that you been dying to try out its this pink horse that rocks back and forth, you spend your spare 2 hours there on the horse untill the police arrive and take you away for destruction of property, sadly you killed the horse that had a 50 lb wight Limt.
I wish it would rain less.
: Dawnsteel April 24, 2010, 01:28:38 PM
I wish it would rain less.
Granted. Your front yard is now Ground Zero for Dust Bowl 2010.
I wish I could remember what time my wife's plane lands this afternoon.
: beowuuf April 24, 2010, 01:41:09 PM
You remember perfectly - ten minutes ago.
I wish I could see Dawnsteel meeting his wife off the plane (ten+travel) minutes late.
: Boyos April 24, 2010, 01:45:32 PM
Wish my library had the book I wanted!
: beowuuf April 24, 2010, 03:05:12 PM
Wish granted. Pity you have terrible eyesight now. Still, you've got some glas-
No! You dropped them. But...there was time now! There was all the time you needed! It's not fair!
I wish I'd packaged a parchute instead of taking my iPod
: Dom April 24, 2010, 05:54:15 PM
I wish my car would wash itself.
: Melvar April 24, 2010, 07:19:33 PM
I wish my car would wash itself.
Granted, yet you don't know which carwash your car went to, or even if it went to one. I suspect a trip to the ocean where it's guaranteed to wash your car all natural.
I wish the next wish to be INCORRUPTIBLE.
: Boyos April 24, 2010, 07:42:33 PM
: Arje April 24, 2010, 08:28:03 PM
: beowuuf April 25, 2010, 02:27:30 AM
Wish granted! Except you land on Boyos's head, corrupting his brain. When you explain the situation, he uses his incorruptable wish to fulfil yours. Unfortunately, that means his corrupted brain lands you perfectly ontop of Borat.
I wish that my power supply actually had a working fan, as I hadn't realised "it'll be the hottest day today" meant, in weather forecaster speak, "haha, you will be walking an hour to the computer shop in the rain."
: acronomicon April 26, 2010, 11:31:56 PM
I wish that my power supply actually had a working fan, as I hadn't realised "it'll be the hottest day today" meant, in weather forecaster speak, "haha, you will be walking an hour to the computer shop in the rain."
Granted. Your fan works great, but due to poor mechanical engineering there's no actual path for air flow through the supply. You'll spend twice as long troubleshooting random problems as some voltage rails sag when the regulators are pushed to the limit, all the while *knowing* it can't be your supply because the fan is obviously working.
I wish I had more time to read about Malifaux to decide which faction to play.
: siriq April 30, 2010, 02:11:40 PM
I wish that my power supply actually had a working fan, as I hadn't realised "it'll be the hottest day today" meant, in weather forecaster speak, "haha, you will be walking an hour to the computer shop in the rain."
Granted. Your fan works great, but due to poor mechanical engineering there's no actual path for air flow through the supply. You'll spend twice as long troubleshooting random problems as some voltage rails sag when the regulators are pushed to the limit, all the while *knowing* it can't be your supply because the fan is obviously working.
I wish I had more time to read about Malifaux to decide which faction to play.
granted you had all the time to read about Malifaux, and you finally decide what faction to play, but by the time you figure it out they game is played by no one.
: Setherick April 30, 2010, 02:19:26 PM
I wish that my power supply actually had a working fan, as I hadn't realised "it'll be the hottest day today" meant, in weather forecaster speak, "haha, you will be walking an hour to the computer shop in the rain."
Granted. Your fan works great, but due to poor mechanical engineering there's no actual path for air flow through the supply. You'll spend twice as long troubleshooting random problems as some voltage rails sag when the regulators are pushed to the limit, all the while *knowing* it can't be your supply because the fan is obviously working.
I wish I had more time to read about Malifaux to decide which faction to play.
granted you had all the time to read about Malifaux, and you finally decide what faction to play, but by the time you figure it out they game is played by no one.
And, what is your wish?
: Kroack April 30, 2010, 04:01:56 PM
: beowuuf May 01, 2010, 01:24:04 AM
Wish granted, he does have a wish, he just doesn't tell anyone.
I wish I hadn't fallen asleep at 9pm yesterday, I've been far too productive since 4.30am :(
: Setherick May 01, 2010, 07:29:46 AM
Wish granted, he does have a wish, he just doesn't tell anyone.
I wish I hadn't fallen asleep at 9pm yesterday, I've been far too productive since 4.30am :(
Granted. You are now a chronic insomniac, so you can't fall asleep. The closest you get to sleep is advanced relaxation exercises, but you never achieve REM.
I wish I had fallen asleep before 11:00, and that the cats hadn't woken me up four times, so I wouldn't be a zombie come 6:00.
: Mckma May 06, 2010, 11:07:36 PM
Granted, everyone hates you for it.I wish I had fallen asleep before 11:00, and that the cats hadn't woken me up four times, so I wouldn't be a zombie come 6:00.
granted I have killed your cats and unplugged your alarm clock you sleep in untill 11am and miss all your plans for that day
I wish I had been posting the last couple weeks
I wish I didn't have to do my homework right now...
: ugnis13 May 06, 2010, 11:32:41 PM
I wish I had a personal vocano in my honor that when it erupts it spells "fuck you" in lava
granted, you now have a personal vocano, whatever the hell that is. Too bad you'll never get a real volcano though.
i wish that AP testing was easier than it is
: acronomicon May 07, 2010, 12:00:57 AM
granted it is only very slightly easier and there is basically no differance
I wish for an orange
Granted. However an OCD level urge to find something that rhymes with orange, coupled with the urge to kill anyone that tries to tell a knock-knock joke for fear it might be the "Orange you glad I didn't say banana" one, causes you to go insane. You're gunned down in a produce section by police after attempting to hold someone hostage with an orange zester.
I wish that IC test sockets could perform more test cycles before going flaky.
: Boyos May 07, 2010, 12:35:41 AM
Granted! But due to the fact I have no clue what an IC test socket your talking about does and why its flaky in its current state your now siting 300 feet below water Good luck!
I wish I new what he was wishing for!
: siriq May 07, 2010, 11:55:57 AM
Granted! But due to the fact I have no clue what an IC test socket your talking about does and why its flaky in its current state your now siting 300 feet below water Good luck!
I wish I new what he was wishing for!
granted you now know everything to know about integrated circuits but your brain in incapable of learning anything else for the rest of your life.
I wish i had remembered to make a wish the last time i replied to this thread
: JonHook May 07, 2010, 12:01:59 PM
I wish i had remembered to make a wish the last time i replied to this thread
Granted! Unfortunately, you wished for pork chop underwear in a room full of pittbulls!
I wish I could afford to go to GenCon this year.
: beowuuf May 07, 2010, 02:00:36 PM
Wish granted! Scandal and corruption destroys the integrity of gencon, everyone pulls out, and the shattered husk that is left of the convention is now very affordable. It consists of two World of Synibarr stalls.
I wish the UK didn't have a hung parliament.
: clockworkjoe May 07, 2010, 04:22:52 PM
I wish I had regeneration powers like Wolverine.
: Selks May 07, 2010, 05:41:59 PM
I wish we Brits knew how to run an election.
: Dogfish May 07, 2010, 07:30:44 PM
Wish Granted! You can now regenerate, but only whilst around small children. After hanging around schools for 3 months you are arrested and given a life sentence.
I wish we Brits knew how to run an election.
Granted the tories get in. You bastard.
I wish this seimester was over already,
: malyss May 09, 2010, 07:39:39 AM
I wish the UK didn't have a hung parliament.
Sorry, I had to come back to this one...
Granted, they all are now little pricks.
I wish I could duplicate myself so that some form of me could actually do everything I want to do.
: Boyos May 09, 2010, 11:41:03 AM
I wish I could travel the stars.
: JonHook May 09, 2010, 12:10:53 PM
I wish I could travel the stars.
Granted! Unfortunately, you do so in an urn after you're dead and cremated. Say "Hi" to Gene Roddenberry.
I wish Ross & Tom were my friends.
: Setherick May 09, 2010, 12:28:42 PM
I wish I could travel the stars.
Granted! Unfortunately, you do so in an urn after you're dead and cremated. Say "Hi" to Gene Roddenberry.
I wish Ross & Tom were my friends.
Granted, I'd explain the horribleness of this situation, but I don't want to tarnish Ross & Tom's reputation.
I wish my dissertation would write itself, so I could concentrate on the Codex.
: acronomicon May 09, 2010, 06:32:32 PM
Granted, I'd explain the horribleness of this situation, but I don't want to tarnish Ross & Tom's reputation.
I wish my dissertation would write itself, so I could concentrate on the Codex.
Granted, but your dissertation relies on Wikipedia and the Internet for all the information and fails to make any attempt to reword itself to avoid blatant plagiarism. Oddly, though, that doesn't cause any problems as people are amazed your dissertation achieved sentience. Once it's found out, the first thing it does is rat you out for not doing your own work.
I wish that food that tasted good was also good for you.
: Boyos May 09, 2010, 06:44:22 PM
I wish I could travel the stars.
Granted! Unfortunately, you do so in an urn after you're dead and cremated. Say "Hi" to Gene Roddenberry.
I wish Ross & Tom were my friends.
Thats not so bad, I will say hi.
I wish that food that tasted good was also good for you.
Granted! Now hold still while I fry off your taste buds and give you a perment sinus infection! Gratz now all food tast just the same! eat the healthy stuff its good for you.
I wish my car was red.
: Dogfish May 09, 2010, 06:54:52 PM
I wish I could find a way to concentrate on these articles a little longer.
: Boyos May 09, 2010, 07:04:12 PM
I wish it wasent about to rain on my new paint job!
: beowuuf May 09, 2010, 08:26:41 PM
Wish granted! It's a beautiful blue sky, the sun is shining, the occasional light fluffy cloud dances across before dissolving like candy floss, birds and chirping happily and circling around your car with filled digestive tracts...
I'll leave the rest to your imagination.
I wish I could see Boyos's new white/green organic paint job on his car.
: acronomicon May 09, 2010, 08:38:02 PM
I wish I could see Boyos's new white/green organic paint job on his car.
Granted! You're going to experience the joy of seeing the new paint job drop by drop as you're trapped inside his car for days in record heat with just enough water to keep you alive. Of course, since the windows won't roll down, the inside is going to get just as bad as the outside quickly.
I wish I could kick the MMORPG habit for good, EQ2 is downloading as I write this.
: Boyos May 10, 2010, 12:16:22 AM
(Might I add my orginal PC could run Everquest 1 an old windows 95 machine, my phone is 3 times as powerfull then that old machine. have fun touching things.)
I wish I had the time to watch beowuuf enjoy his time in my car by him self.
: FuzzyDan May 10, 2010, 12:58:10 AM
I wish I had the time to watch beowuuf enjoy his time in my car by him self.
Granted. You are in the next car over, similarly trapped but with only 3/4 as much water, a pant leg full of sand, and a vague Idea that maybe, just maybe, the sand can filter your urine.
I wish I don't spend much time unemployed once I move to San Diego.
: beowuuf May 10, 2010, 06:28:15 AM
Wish granted! You are gainfully employed by Boyos to create a urine purifying sand-based filter. Unfortunately, it only works well enough for Boyos to start making a will, and he does not get around to finishing it and bequeathing you the money for your efforts. Also, crapping birds are apparently not good legal witnesses (due to lack of pen holding ability)
I wish I had more sleep last night.
: ThnJonWasAZmbie May 10, 2010, 11:50:26 PM
I wish Oklahoma didn't have so many tornadoes.
: clockworkjoe May 11, 2010, 12:30:43 AM
I wish I had a cool augmented reality interface and an AI assistant to do boring stuff for me like in Eclipse Phase.
: Boyos May 11, 2010, 12:51:19 AM
Granted. Oklahoma is sealed in a bubble that sucks out all the air.
I wish I had a cool augmented reality interface and an AI assistant to do boring stuff for me like in Eclipse Phase.
Granted you have the newest I-phone that wont be out tell the codex of war 5 years from now... too bad it only runs off a special fusion charger that wont be invented for another 4 years... just like apple not to include the charger - the dicks!
Now that I have apperntly amassed a small army of one man that is a great worker on my piss filtration device, I wish I had a stick of gum.
: Setherick May 11, 2010, 08:03:49 AM
Now that I have apperntly amassed a small army of one man that is a great worker on my piss filtration device, I wish I had a stick of gum.
Granted, but you've forgotten that you're supposed to chew gum and slap the piece on your forehead. The gum has eighteen times the amount of cinnamon as the old Big Red gum had, so you slowly give yourself cinnamon poisoning. At first, this is really cool because you begin hallucinating and homeless people worship you, but, in the end, you still die.
I wish Boyos would shut up about how far the Codex is behind. It's not like it'll be DNF. ;)
: Dogfish May 11, 2010, 08:11:48 AM
I wish my flat-mate would stop eating up my internet usage so I could stream more things as I watch them.
: Setherick May 11, 2010, 10:46:35 AM
I wish my flat-mate would stop eating up my internet usage so I could stream more things as I watch them.
Granted, your roommate has developed a love affair of Sailor Moon. He watches the DVDs constantly on his computer, which wouldn't be so bad except instead of wearing headphones, he buys a ridiculously expensive sound system so he can get the full "Sailor Moon experience." After a few solid weeks of this, you develop acute insomnia and get an eviction notice. Nice going.
I wish the grass seed I laid down would take so my lawn wouldn't be so patchy.
: ThnJonWasAZmbie May 11, 2010, 11:40:01 AM
I wish the campaign The Passing on Left 4 Dead 2 wasn't so effing hard at the end.
: Boyos May 12, 2010, 01:32:27 AM
I am enjoying my new life in the after life, I wish I had some kool-aid.
: ugnis13 May 12, 2010, 01:35:39 AM
I wish i had a new phone and a new laptop.
: Boyos May 12, 2010, 01:41:42 AM
I wish I had a straw to drink my kool-aid.
: Dogfish May 12, 2010, 08:01:47 AM
I wish that my favourite bar doesn't have live music this weekend.
: Setherick May 12, 2010, 08:18:41 AM
Granted, the straw is made of Francium. When in contact with the Kool-Aid it explodes and blows your jaw off.
I wish that my favourite bar doesn't have live music this weekend.
Granted, they now have live music EVERY NIGHT. Hope you like Polka.
I wish I had a teaching bot programmed with AI that matched my personality to teach my classes.
: ThnJonWasAZmbie May 12, 2010, 11:29:14 AM
Granted, the straw is made of Francium. When in contact with the Kool-Aid it explodes and blows your jaw off.
I wish that my favourite bar doesn't have live music this weekend.
hahahahah Dude for some reason I busted out laughing when i read your response to his wish.
: FuzzyDan May 12, 2010, 10:22:34 PM
I wish I had a teaching bot programmed with AI that matched my personality to teach my classes.
Granted. The bot commits itself to mastering every aspect of your personality. Eventually its studies leads it to find your performance wanting and plans to kill you and assume your identity.
I wish I had $3000, American, with no strings attached, physical, metaphysical, metaphorical, etc.
: Dogfish May 12, 2010, 10:33:40 PM
I wish I had some Creme De Cacao, Cognac and half and half ie. a Brandy Alexander.
: Setherick May 12, 2010, 10:35:04 PM
I wish I had $3000, American, with no strings attached, physical, metaphysical, metaphorical, etc.
Granted, it does not come with "strings;" instead, the $3000 is surgically grafted to your body. The moment it becomes fused, you get a sudden urge to give up all worldly possession and become a Buddhist monk. While you can get rid of everything you own, you can't remove the grafted money. This makes you the ultimate Buddhist metaphor.
I wish I had more Good & Plenty's.
: Setherick May 12, 2010, 10:35:29 PM
Granted, there are no strings attached just pinless grenades.
Mine's funnier. ;D
: Dogfish May 12, 2010, 10:44:38 PM
Granted, there are no strings attached just pinless grenades.
Mine's funnier. ;D
Actually you went outside the terms of the social contract and skipped my wish. Dick.
Granted, you get more of Good and Plenty's dick, the ladyboys.
I wish people kept to the natural order of forum law.
: +1 Hat May 12, 2010, 11:34:48 PM
I wish it was May 24th, 2010 already, so I could get off this vampire schedule.
: Boyos May 13, 2010, 01:01:31 AM
I wish I didnt have to work 3rd shift any more!
: ThnJonWasAZmbie May 13, 2010, 01:16:42 AM
I wish pokemon were real.
: clockworkjoe May 13, 2010, 01:39:15 AM
I wish the singularity would happen.
: +1 Hat May 13, 2010, 05:22:44 AM
I wish it was Saturday and I was smokin' up some hookah.
: Dogfish May 13, 2010, 06:46:43 AM
I wish my exams weren't starting in 11 days.
: Seejo Crux May 13, 2010, 09:52:37 AM
Has anyone wished for a million wishes yet?
I wish they would do a remake of those Wishmaster movies and call the resulting film "THE Wishmaster".
: Dogfish May 13, 2010, 12:10:11 PM
: acronomicon May 13, 2010, 01:54:34 PM
I wish they would do a remake of those Wishmaster movies and call the resulting film "THE Wishmaster".
Granted. In an effort to make it more theater friendly, Shaquille O'Neil is back to play a Djinn again and his ultimate goal is to get his Djinn brethren to rule the world... and to make sure that product placement hits an all time high. Miley Cirus will, of course, be the one making the wishes. And her wish to be a better singer will make sure the viewers are treated to a LOT of concert footage. It will be a franchise reboot gone horribly awry.
I wish the pollen count would go down. And I don't care if I've (potentially) already wished for that before.
: ThnJonWasAZmbie May 13, 2010, 02:09:41 PM
I wish Star Wars the Old Republic would come out sooner than next year.
: Boyos May 13, 2010, 02:28:04 PM
Granted, unfortunately grass and mold counts have gone up to such a horrifying amount, that you are now allergic to those as well if you weren't before.
I wish Star Wars the Old Republic would come out sooner than next year.
Granted its coming out next week, but since its still in the alpha state only 10 people can play on it at a time, Que time 3 days 4 hours and 37 min.
I wish my house would clean it self.
(On a side note, I read that SWTOR will not going to be out befor end of fiscal year 2011, so thats like some time mid 2011, so It might still be out 3rd or 4th Quarter of next year.
: beowuuf May 14, 2010, 01:34:50 PM
Wish granted! The house becomes self aware. It maintains a pleasant appearance on the outside, carefully painting its walls and cleaning the windows. And, of course, eats and excretes everything inside it that it didn't throw up violently first. I'll leave it as dealer's choice which category you come under.
I wish my DSL connection had not disconnected for 2 1/2 days!
: Dawnsteel May 16, 2010, 01:39:01 PM
: beowuuf
I wish my DSL connection had not disconnected for 2 1/2 days!
Granted. Your DSL connection worked perfectly, but your creepy upstairs neighbor hijacked your wireless network and downloaded a terabyte of horse porn, rendering your connection super-slow for two and a half days.
I wish I had some cake.
: Setherick May 16, 2010, 04:14:13 PM
I wish I had some cake.
Granted, you have cake, but you've forgotten how to eat. You thus prove the maxim right that you can't have your cake and eat it too.
I wish I hadn't just made that joke and, instead, made a Marie Antoinette joke instead.
: beowuuf May 16, 2010, 04:20:40 PM
Wish granted! Unfortunately you get teleported back in time first to the time of Marie Antoinette. Too soon? Too soon? Yeah...too soon. At least you get some instantly weight loss.
I wish I'd got in first to make a 'Doctor in the cake/kiss your fiancee' joke.
: KallMeKip May 16, 2010, 05:29:24 PM
Wish granted. Unfortunately you butchered it and everyone thinks less of you now. I wish I could find a part-time job.
Wish granted! Unfortunately you get teleported back in time first to the time of Marie Antoinette. Too soon? Too soon? Yeah...too soon. At least you get some instantly weight loss.
I wish I'd got in first to make a 'Doctor in the cake/kiss your fiancee' joke.
: Setherick May 16, 2010, 05:41:54 PM
I wish I could find a part-time job.
Granted, but it's so bad, I can't even tell you what it is. Let's just say it involves a certain website that a certain evangelical just got in trouble for using.
I wish the Codex would just write it's damn self.
: Kroack May 16, 2010, 06:50:16 PM
I wish the Codex would just write it's damn self.
Granted. It calls itself the necronomicon, it wants a new cover and binding, in YOUR FLESH
I wish that the Dresden Files Character Creation process took less time.
: Setherick May 16, 2010, 07:10:14 PM
I wish that the Dresden Files Character Creation process took less time.
Granted! Incidentally, though, the game is now called Dresden Candy Land Files. And your character is a cardboard cutout.
I wish I didn't have to edit documents my wife gives me.
: Tadanori Oyama May 16, 2010, 08:06:07 PM
I wish I didn't have to edit documents my wife gives me.
Granted, they are published as is though you are still listed as editor.
I wish I had a pair of awesome asian guys to solve my problems for me, like President Obama does.
: Arje May 17, 2010, 01:16:32 AM
I wish this was stickied.
Granted, It is but you are talking to yourself and possibly angering Ross.
I wish there was a caffeine patch i could apply directly to my skin.
: Boyos May 17, 2010, 01:28:04 AM
I wish I could win One Million Dollers!
: Arje May 17, 2010, 01:33:17 AM
I really wish I didn't know that.
: clockworkjoe May 17, 2010, 01:37:00 AM
Granted, but your horrible spelling has cursed you to this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Animegao (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Animegao) (hint look at the first sentence)
I really wish I didn't know that.
(http://imgur.com/1o6nC.gif)
: ThnJonWasAZmbie May 17, 2010, 01:43:34 AM
Granted, but your horrible spelling has cursed you to this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Animegao (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Animegao) (hint look at the first sentence)
I really wish I didn't know that.
Granted, you don't really don't know that as far as normal consciousness goes, but while you are asleep, you start sleep walking and dress up like this and socialize with others just like you.
I wish baseball sized hail hadn't fucking wasted half of the Oklahoma City area today.(true story)
: Boyos May 17, 2010, 02:34:04 AM
Now that I have an army, I wish I had the funds to support them.
: ThnJonWasAZmbie May 17, 2010, 02:49:25 AM
Granted it was instead destroyed by my army of angry mask wearing big sword wielding, Japanese girls.
Now that I have an army, I wish I had the funds to support them.
Granted, unfortunately you have to whore yourself out to burly truck drivers to acquire said funds.
I wish I had some Taco Mayo, I'm starving.
: Boyos May 17, 2010, 03:21:22 AM
I now wish this topic to change to kittens.
: Setherick May 17, 2010, 07:40:21 AM
I wish this was stickied.
I have the power to sticky threads, but I haven't found a reason for this one to be stickied yet, especially since it stays near the top of the subforum anyway.
I now wish this topic to change to kittens.
Granted!
(http://i302.photobucket.com/albums/nn119/Setherick/GunsDontKillPeople.png)
I wish that I could get up 10 minutes earlier.
: Dogfish May 17, 2010, 09:25:59 AM
I wish I had a few extra days to study before these exams.
: Boyos May 17, 2010, 01:02:33 PM
I wish the kitten wasent so cracked out!
: beowuuf May 17, 2010, 01:36:53 PM
(http://www.dmjump.net/kitten-gun.jpg)
Without drugs to keep it sharp, it's lost the upper hand. Its certain death is upon your head.
I wish I had a good kitten-based recipe, I'm hungry.
: Boyos May 18, 2010, 12:44:33 AM
I wish I was at home.
: beowuuf May 18, 2010, 03:10:58 AM
I fail to see how my wish was corrupted - that sounds great :D
: ThnJonWasAZmbie May 18, 2010, 11:09:24 AM
I fail to see how my wish was corrupted - that sounds great :D
You also contract a vicious form of explosive diarrhea.
: Dogfish May 18, 2010, 05:52:21 PM
: Setherick May 18, 2010, 06:01:42 PM
I wish that people wouldn't waste my "Mother-fuckin' time!".
Granted! Your mother appreciates the fact that your wish was granted too!
I wish I had some beer in the house.
: ThnJonWasAZmbie May 19, 2010, 01:13:31 AM
I wish Red Dead Redemption online wasnt buggy as shit.
: Boyos May 19, 2010, 01:36:54 AM
I wish I could think of a good wish.
: beowuuf May 19, 2010, 03:17:11 AM
Wish granted! You wish you could go home (apparently no one could corrupt that wish). Sadly, all you have to eat at home is kitten.
I wish I could get up early to do things, and yet still have lounged around in bed until the last minute too.
: ThnJonWasAZmbie May 19, 2010, 04:49:09 PM
Wish granted! You wish you could go home (apparently no one could corrupt that wish). Sadly, all you have to eat at home is kitten.
I wish I could get up early to do things, and yet still have lounged around in bed until the last minute too.
Granted, you have moved everything that you would want to do early around your bed so you wont have to get up. Unfortunately in your laziness you gain an extra 50 pounds from never getting out of bed.
I wish that the severe weather would stop pounding the shit out of Oklahoma. I just want a fucking break lol.
: IDaMan008 May 25, 2010, 03:23:01 AM
I wish that the severe weather would stop pounding the shit out of Oklahoma. I just want a fucking break lol.
Granted. The weather clears up over Oklahoma, and you break your pelvis in a fall from a third story window.
I wish I could afford to buy a decent tripod head.
: Boyos May 25, 2010, 04:48:35 AM
I wish I new what a tripod head was.
: Dogfish May 25, 2010, 08:08:10 AM
Granted, you now have 3 falic shapes attached to your head, your 90% sure if you got excited, you could now do a handless head stand.
I wish I new what a tripod head was.
Granted, it materialises as an alien from H.G. War of the Worlds and starts blasting.
(I think he may of meant a 'shoe' for the tripod but this is speculation)
I wish I had every episode of MST3k on DVD.
: Setherick May 25, 2010, 08:32:05 AM
Granted, you now have 3 falic shapes attached to your head, your 90% sure if you got excited, you could now do a handless head stand.
I wish I new what a tripod head was.
Granted, it materialises as an alien from H.G. War of the Worlds and starts blasting.
(I think he may of meant a 'shoe' for the tripod but this is speculation)
I wish I had every episode of MST3k on DVD.
Granted, I hope you can speak Urdu.
I wish I had a coffee IV.
: ThnJonWasAZmbie May 25, 2010, 11:07:14 AM
I wish soy milk wasn't so expensive.
: Setherick May 25, 2010, 11:10:13 AM
Granted, you now have 4 cups of coffee.
I wish soy milk wasn't so expensive.
Granted, but you're not too thrilled about "Milk Your Own Soy Day" either.
I wish my name was John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt.
: IDaMan008 May 25, 2010, 11:20:25 AM
I wish my name was John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt.
Granted. Whenever you go out, the people always shout, "There goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt! He owes us money! LET'S GET HIM!"
I wish that I had a better place to live.
: ThnJonWasAZmbie May 25, 2010, 11:35:14 AM
I wish I didn't feel like my brain is melting when I watch Chowder on Cartoon Network.
: Boyos May 26, 2010, 12:37:42 AM
Granted, unfortunately the perspective of what a "better place to live" is from the mind of a homeless person. So in reality, what he considers to be a better place is actually worse than your current living situation.
I wish I didn't feel like my brain is melting when I watch Chowder on Cartoon Network.
Granted, it now does melt but feels like ice cream! mmmm!
I wish Chowder was off Cartoon network! ( I havent had cable for 3 months but DAMN THAT SHOW PISSED ME OFF!)
: Setherick June 01, 2010, 02:47:58 PM
I wish Chowder was off Cartoon network! ( I havent had cable for 3 months but DAMN THAT SHOW PISSED ME OFF!)
Granted, I hope you like My Little Pony reruns instead because that's all Cartoon Network is showing now.
I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller... (I think I might have used this already, but whatever.)
: beowuuf June 01, 2010, 04:19:25 PM
Wish granted! Unfortunately, because you get your way, every day is a Friday, and we never have a weekend again :(
I wish I had actually spent the last three hours studying for my recertification test tomorrow, instead of sitting around eating and enjoying myself.
: Boyos June 02, 2010, 12:31:48 AM
I wish I was a better Plumber then Mario!
: beowuuf June 02, 2010, 02:54:31 AM
Wish granted! You stick your hand down a blocked toilet, making you a better plumber than Mario. Aside from gagging, you have no idea what you are doing though.
I wish my tooth would stop hurting.
: IDaMan008 June 02, 2010, 11:46:21 AM
I wish my tooth would stop hurting.
Granted. Your tooth stops hurting when a deranged dentist removes it using a crowbar and a butane cigarette lighter.
I wish I didn't have to lug all of my patio furniture from the garage to the backyard.
: Setherick June 02, 2010, 02:46:29 PM
I wish I didn't have to lug all of my patio furniture from the garage to the backyard.
Granted, however, your now mobile, sentient patio furniture has colonized your backyard and declared its independence. Not only have you been denied citizenship for this new independent state, you have been denied entry.
I wish I could learn via osmosis so I could nap on a book and memorize its contents.
: Tadanori Oyama June 02, 2010, 02:52:42 PM
I wish I could learn via osmosis so I could nap on a book and memorize its contents.
Granted. However, since your brain is now a partially-permeable membrane for knowledge, you are effected by high and low knowledge pressure. In short, being around stupid people (low pressure) causes knowledge to exit you. I'd avoid any freshmen orientations if I was you.
I wish the applications at my office would stop making war on one another.
: Setherick June 02, 2010, 02:54:47 PM
I wish the applications at my office would stop making war on one another.
Granted, however, the Leviathan applications is now trying to take over all computer systems in a Lawnmower Man meets Skynet conspiracy. Thanks!
I wish I had more doughnuts without having to make them myself.
: Tadanori Oyama June 02, 2010, 03:04:26 PM
I wish I had more doughnuts without having to make them myself.
Granted, you discover a donut delivery website with instant door to door service. However, the company sells your identity to foreign hostile agents who use you as certification on their misinformation and your professional cred. in Eastern Europe is shot to crap.
I wish my pocket could fit my cellphone, work knife, and flash drives comfortably.
: beowuuf June 02, 2010, 03:43:00 PM
Wish granted, anything beside your pocket that might be taking up valuable neighbouring space has been removed. Welcome to the world of high-pitched singing and easily carried nick-nacks.
I wish for infinite wisdom, that I might aid the world ... and more importantly make smart bets on the horses.
: Tadanori Oyama June 02, 2010, 05:26:47 PM
I wish for infinite wisdom, that I might aid the world ... and more importantly make smart bets on the horses.
Granted, in your infinite wisdom you judge wagering on horses to be wrong and vow not to use your powers for such purposes again. You also learn that neither baseball bats and nor Italians take kindly to "mooks wit' infinit' wisdom".
I wish I had a pair of pants that didn't need a zipper or buttons, but rather operated using tiny yet powerful magetic technology.
: ThnJonWasAZmbie June 02, 2010, 05:50:07 PM
I wish for infinite wisdom, that I might aid the world ... and more importantly make smart bets on the horses.
Granted, in your infinite wisdom you judge wagering on horses to be wrong and vow not to use your powers for such purposes again. You also learn that neither baseball bats and nor Italians take kindly to "mooks wit' infinit' wisdom".
I wish I had a pair of pants that didn't need a zipper or buttons, but rather operated using tiny yet powerful magetic technology.
Granted, but if you thought getting your junk caught in your zipper was bad, you are in for a surprise.
I wish I had some Mountain Dew.
: Tadanori Oyama June 02, 2010, 06:08:48 PM
I wish I had some Mountain Dew.
Granted, enjoy your appalachian precipitation, by which I mean water collected off of leaves.
I wish I had some new eye glasses.
: Setherick June 02, 2010, 08:04:29 PM
I wish I had some new eye glasses.
Granted, here is your selection modeled by Al Bundy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OVNcBXprjFs
I wish my cat wouldn't freak out when it rained.
: beowuuf June 03, 2010, 02:07:26 AM
Wish granted, your cat now has a katana and a tommy gun. Remember the good old days when the worst thing you found on your doorstep was a dead bird?
I wish I could figure out a good place for my inspector to sit her recertification so I can do work normally today.
: Setherick June 06, 2010, 11:23:09 PM
I wish I could figure out a good place for my inspector to sit her recertification so I can do work normally today.
Granted, unfortunately since I just got around to granting this wish, you'll have to go back and relive Friday, but then skip the weekend and wake up on Monday.
I wish I could have slept more this weekend.
: Boyos June 07, 2010, 12:39:41 AM
I wish I had a non-evil robot to do my job.
: Mckma June 07, 2010, 01:39:19 AM
Granted, you get some extra sleep... you awaken to a news camra crew declaring you the real life Rip Van Winkle! Congratz its now been 20 years!
I wish I had a non-evil robot to do my job.
Granted, he does it so well they fire you and hire him.
I wish I had written my two essays last week instead of waiting until this week....
: Boyos June 07, 2010, 02:24:37 PM
Granted! your two essays were written last week, during a time you dont quite rember, when you turn them in, the teacher may ask you why its written... what is it written in? Then you must explain its sumerian... wait you dont know sumerian... strange.
I wish I could controll my TV with my Mind!
: Dogfish June 07, 2010, 02:33:50 PM
I wish I could format my CoC one-off ideas in a way they could be written down decently.
: beowuuf June 07, 2010, 02:44:30 PM
Wish granted, you manage to compose a masterpiece. Then your wife discovers your 'All san rolls and all fails makes players Cthulhu's bitch' manuscript, and you are forced to hunt her and your son down with an axe. And freeze to death. And something about a picture behind the bar. I think I'm mistaking this wish for an episode of Happy Days actually :(
I wish I had faith of the heart, to go where my heart would take me, and also faith to believe I could do anything.
: Boyos June 07, 2010, 02:50:51 PM
I wish the porn on my TV was free!
: siriq June 07, 2010, 03:32:08 PM
Granted! You now have faith to do anything! you better start-a-praying cause your on a 300 foot high bridge and your hearts telling you, you can easly glide/fly down to the bottem!
I wish the porn on my TV was free!
Granted porn is free on your tv, but it never shuts off and the volume is at max. With all the buttons on the remote and tv broken you are unable to watch anything else but porn. Even worse its stuck on a channel that only shows soft core with the worst stories imaginable.
I wish all the people i role played with didn't move away. :(
: beowuuf June 07, 2010, 04:15:27 PM
Wish granted, everyone in your gaming group stays, all the rest of the people in the town move. It's hard to get some gaming in when you are trying to simultaneously hold down 200,000 jobs. At least you figure out a way to turn the whole thing into a post-apocolyptic LARP.
I wish dishes did themselves, food made itself, and then cutlery could use itself to feed me. Because none of those things sound interesting right now compared to playing this dungeon crawl game I'm playing!
: Dogfish June 07, 2010, 04:27:33 PM
I wish I had a never-ending supply of Budweiser Budvar in a fridge of tardis capabilities for the World Cup.
: Setherick July 01, 2010, 10:12:57 PM
I wish I had a never-ending supply of Budweiser Budvar in a fridge of tardis capabilities for the World Cup.
Granted, however, this wish still would not have helped the Americans do better than they did.
I wish I wouldn't have the obsession to res old threads.
: IDaMan008 July 02, 2010, 12:15:47 AM
I wish I wouldn't have the obsession to res old threads.
Granted. Instead, you develop an obsession with sitcoms from the early 1980s that can only be sated by watching Punky Brewster or Family Ties for six to eight hours every day.
I wish I had remembered to think up a wish before I hit the POST button.
: doctorscraps July 11, 2010, 02:08:51 AM
I wish TV's Hercule's Kevin Sorbo would finally understand the feelings I have for him.
: Boyos July 11, 2010, 02:24:36 AM
Granted, but the wish that comes to mind is really gay...I mean, rainbows and unicorns gay.
I wish TV's Hercule's Kevin Sorbo would finally understand the feelings I have for him.
He does, and comes riding into you house on a Unicorn shooting rainbows out of its ass, First thing out of Kevin Sorbo is... Where is your fauther?
I wish for world peace! and not the type lisa simpson got in that halloween special.
: Wooberman July 11, 2010, 06:52:05 AM
He does, and comes riding into you house on a Unicorn shooting rainbows out of its ass, First thing out of Kevin Sorbo is... Where is your fauther?
I wish for world peace! and not the type lisa simpson got in that halloween special.
Granted, All life is suddenly extinguished from the planet. The World is finally at unchanging peace.
I wish for a substantially higher wage for my hideously underappreciated Job without increasing the working hours, location, staff, duties and responsibilities.
: beowuuf July 11, 2010, 07:04:57 AM
Wish granted. Your wages increase by 100 times the figure it currently is. Unfortunately, hyperinflation means that actually your money is worth 1000 times less. And as requested, you are expected to do exactly the same working hours, at the same location, with the same staff, and with the same duties and and responsibilities. And yes, the job is still unappreciated.
I wish I could both enjoy watching stuff on TV indoors where it is cool, and yet also enjoy being outdoors walking in the sun.
: Dawnsteel July 14, 2010, 12:26:14 AM
I wish I could both enjoy watching stuff on TV indoors where it is cool, and yet also enjoy being outdoors walking in the sun.
Granted. You are wandering around outside, wearing your new rig. It consists of a backpack-mounted air conditioner, which also acts as a counterweight to stabilize the television hanging in front of your face. The downside? Your walking range is limited to the extension cord length (50') and either there's condensate running down your leg or you just pissed yourself.
I wish I could stop coughing.
: FuzzyDan July 14, 2010, 11:26:35 AM
I wish I had more time to find new insurance.
: ethan_dawe July 14, 2010, 11:52:58 AM
You lose your job and have plenty of time to find new insurance, but you can't afford it anymore.
I wish I could magically stop the gulf oil leak.
: beowuuf July 14, 2010, 02:02:41 PM
Wish granted. FIREBALL SPELLS! Down side - no gulf.
I wish I could make twenty four odd little psuedo-words form cool proper words and sentences for a puzzle I'm trying to do.
: ThnJonWasAZmbie July 18, 2010, 02:32:40 AM
Wish granted. FIREBALL SPELLS! Down side - no gulf.
I wish I could make twenty four odd little psuedo-words form cool proper words and sentences for a puzzle I'm trying to do.
Granted!
Unfortunately the 24 odd little psuedo words you are using, when used in the proper order, summon Azathoth. Needless to say, the puzzle you're working on is of little importance now.
I wish the pain killers I'm taking didn't make me feel like shit.
: Kelkesh123 July 18, 2010, 07:05:33 PM
Granted!
Unfortunately the 24 odd little psuedo words you are using, when used in the proper order, summon Azathoth. Needless to say, the puzzle you're working on is of little importance now.
I wish the pain killers I'm taking didn't make me feel like shit.
Granted! But whenever you take one you enter the spectral realm for 3d8 hours.
I wish I was a pirate AND didn't contract scurvy.
: Setherick July 18, 2010, 07:08:34 PM
I wish I was a pirate AND didn't contract scurvy.
Granted, you're the one pirate that did not contract scurvy before your boat crash on a desert island. You think that being the healthiest at the time of the crash would help you fend off the other cannibalistic bastards, but it doesn't.
I wish it wasn't so hot and humid so that I wouldn't soak an entire shirt when I went and ran.
: beowuuf July 19, 2010, 02:39:08 AM
Wish granted, only the front gets soaked. Also, you're now a woman.
I wish I could see the looks on people's faces when they realise the running girl they are letching over is actually Patrick.
: IDaMan008 July 19, 2010, 02:50:42 AM
I wish I could see the looks on people's faces when they realise the running girl they are letching over is actually Patrick.
Granted. You are horrified to discover that they are even more turned on once they discover that it was Patrick they were lusting after.
I wish my girlfriend wasn't going to Wisconsin next week.
: ThnJonWasAZmbie July 19, 2010, 10:24:21 AM
I wish after had my gal bladder removed last Thursday, they would've given me a refill for pain meds.
: Kelkesh123 July 21, 2010, 12:03:17 AM
Granted! She really isn't going to Wisconsin, she actually received special orders from some organization called Delta Green. When questioned about it, she says she's sure she'll be back soon.
I wish after had my gal bladder removed last Thursday, they would've given me a refill for pain meds.
Granted! But they taste bad.
I want Setherick to love me :(
: beowuuf July 21, 2010, 02:42:34 AM
Wish granted. His wife gets very upset and cuts off every extermity she can get a hold of.
I wish Yes Minister/ Yes Prime Minister had ran for more series than it did.
: Flawless P September 30, 2010, 07:52:20 PM
Wish granted. His wife gets very upset and cuts off every extermity she can get a hold of.
I wish Yes Minister/ Yes Prime Minister had ran for more series than it did.
Granted but you have to pay the production costs.
: beowuuf October 01, 2010, 03:22:05 AM
*cough BBC show cough TV licence cough*
: Patrick October 01, 2010, 11:36:02 AM
I wish I didn't have to pay my rent today.
: Flawless P October 01, 2010, 11:38:39 AM
*cough BBC show cough TV licence cough*
Fine... I forgot a wish of my own anyway....
Granted but it gets shot in America with a cast of former soap actors. Doing painfully bad English accents.
I wish I could get my group to do Delta Green, instead of 1920's CoC all the damn time.
: beowuuf October 01, 2010, 01:44:56 PM
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Well corrupted sir.
Wish granted. The group love throwing off the 1920s trappings, because now they can have a hover fortress and take out Majestic 12 in an apocolyptic battle, with Cthulu for desert.
I wish the rain would stop so I could get my shopping without being soaked.
: Salkovich October 01, 2010, 02:03:28 PM
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Well corrupted sir.
Wish granted. The group love throwing off the 1920s trappings, because now they can have a hover fortress and take out Majestic 12 in an apocolyptic battle, with Cthulu for desert.
I wish the rain would stop so I could get my shopping without being soaked.
Done. The rain turns to golf-ball sized hail.
I wish politicians weren't idiots.
: Setherick October 01, 2010, 02:36:25 PM
I wish politicians weren't idiots.
Granted. Let's see how much you like Cats that Look Like Hitler (http://www.catsthatlooklikehitler.com/cgi-bin/seigmiaow.pl) running the country.
I wish I knew what my students meant in their online posts when they say things like "performing academic inquires means being passionate about your research."
: Flawless P October 01, 2010, 02:38:18 PM
I wish politicians weren't idiots.
Granted. Let's see how much you like Cats that Look Like Hitler (http://www.catsthatlooklikehitler.com/cgi-bin/seigmiaow.pl) running the country.
I wish I knew what my students meant in their online posts when they say things like "performing academic inquires means being passionate about your research."
Granted, you now understand. +15 to your Cthulu Mythos and lose 1d10 Sanity.
I wish I could stop using txt slng in my wrk emails. lol
: iceemaker October 01, 2010, 02:48:07 PM
I wish my dog could give herself a bath.
: beowuuf October 01, 2010, 02:53:16 PM
Wish granted. She joins me coming back from my shoipping trip, where the warm non-rain evening turned into a flood of water.
I iwhs I didn't have to loofa the back of icemaker's dog
: BeyondSandrock October 01, 2010, 05:39:30 PM
Wish granted. She joins me coming back from my shoipping trip, where the warm non-rain evening turned into a flood of water.
I iwhs I didn't have to loofa the back of icemaker's dog
Granted. You now have to loofa the back of the icemaker himself.
I wish loss-less video containers wouldn't eat up a quarter of my HD space everytime I converted a DVD into an editable file.
: Flawless P October 01, 2010, 05:43:13 PM
I wish someone would invent and mass produce a "Holodeck" in which the computer runs the RP adventures for you.
: BeyondSandrock October 01, 2010, 06:40:25 PM
I wish I knew what the horrible secret of pancakes is.
: crash2455 October 01, 2010, 06:57:30 PM
Granted. But it is only programed to run Fatal.
I wish I knew what the horrible secret of pancakes is.
Give me a sanity check.
I wish Firefly was still on the air.
: Flawless P October 01, 2010, 07:00:24 PM
Granted. But it is only programed to run Fatal.
I wish I knew what the horrible secret of pancakes is.
Give me a sanity check.
I wish Firefly was still on the air.
Granted but it would be on its 10th season right now, and not even Joss Whedon can make something good for that long.
I wish I knew how to play 4th Ed.
: Wooberman October 01, 2010, 07:31:40 PM
I wish my wife hadn't forced us to call a break to playing pnp rpgs
: Flawless P October 01, 2010, 10:52:31 PM
Granted, Your newfound rules lawyering alienates everyone you try to play with.
I wish my wife hadn't forced us to call a break to playing pnp rpgs
Granted. She doesn't have a to adhear to the break.
I wish I made more money.
: Setherick October 01, 2010, 11:00:08 PM
I wish I made more money.
Granted, but you get accustomed to making more money so you change your lifestyle and suddenly you find yourself living well beyond your means again. Congratulations, wasn't it easier paying off a few credit cards instead of a boat and house?
I wish I could maintain my 750 words a day writing schedule easier.
: beowuuf October 02, 2010, 01:46:54 AM
Wish granted. You gained points in Pancake Mythos and now type 2000 words per day about the cosmology of the pancake gods. From your lovely padded cell.
I wish I had not agreed to supervise overtime at work today.
: Dawnsteel October 02, 2010, 09:26:32 PM
: beowuuf
I wish I had not agreed to supervise overtime at work today.
Granted. The employees, unsupervised, escape their confines and flee, never to return. You get to finish their tasks, and are fitted with a ball-and-chain to keep YOU from running off, too.
I wish my wife would stop napping.
: Flawless P October 05, 2010, 07:49:14 PM
: beowuufI wish I had not agreed to supervise overtime at work today.
Granted. The employees, unsupervised, escape their confines and flee, never to return. You get to finish their tasks, and are fitted with a ball-and-chain to keep YOU from running off, too.
I wish my wife would stop napping.
Granted, however you can't seem to get her to go to bed, she no longer needs sleep at all and is soon forcing you to stay up as long as you can to keep her company while she is bored out of her mind.
I wish my in-bookcase(think in-box but MUCH larger and full of medical files) would spontaneously catch fire.
: Salkovich October 05, 2010, 08:49:35 PM
I wish my in-bookcase(think in-box but MUCH larger and full of medical files) would spontaneously catch fire.
Success! The bookcase bursts into flame. Unfortunately, you have no fire extinguisher. Make a DEX x2 check to see if you escape before the sudden fire kills you.
I wish this three-week-long cold would end.
: Flawless P October 06, 2010, 02:41:38 PM
Rolling 1d100: (58): Total = 58
Dex x2 for me is like 20% chance...
Granted, you are cleasned of all germs, even the ones necessary for survival.
I wish I could have a monthly running Indy comic based on super heroes of my design.
: Dogfish October 07, 2010, 06:56:53 AM
I wish I had the ability to condense time, get all my work done without the wasted time of distractions. If that could be turned into simply navigating youtube with my brain i'd be happy.
: Salkovich October 07, 2010, 09:38:01 AM
I wish I had the ability to condense time, get all my work done without the wasted time of distractions. If that could be turned into simply navigating youtube with my brain i'd be happy.
Done. You are able to condense time. Unfortunately you age also as rapidly during this time.
Congratulations! You've shaved years off of your life! Literally.
I wish my fridge re-stocked itself.
: Flawless P October 07, 2010, 11:48:25 AM
I wish my IT guys would fix my work internet.
(Holy crap it worked!)
: Setherick October 07, 2010, 03:54:45 PM
(Holy crap it worked!)
You only think it worked. In the process of fixing it, the IT guys removed all the pron.
I wish I could think up better 1337 jokes.
: Flawless P October 07, 2010, 04:14:56 PM
(Holy crap it worked!)
You only think it worked. In the process of fixing it, the IT guys removed all the pron.
I wish I could think up better 1337 jokes.
Gr4nt3d, N0rm4l P30pl3 c4n n0 l0ng3r und3rst4nd y0u.
I wish my work had half days.
: Salkovich October 07, 2010, 06:46:11 PM
Gr4nt3d, N0rm4l P30pl3 c4n n0 l0ng3r und3rst4nd y0u.
I wish my work had half days.
Granted, you've been put on half pay.
I wish I was the shadow puppet master of the United States Government and actually got things done.
: Flawless P October 07, 2010, 06:57:19 PM
If aformention Mothers High School Best Friends Ex-Husbands College Dorm Mate is not in fact a citizen of Guam then instead you will fill out Forum 7011c(2) along with a copy of Esquire magazine and a bottle of 3/4 empty Clorox bleach to the Japanese Embassy.
I wish I that the above wish corruption didn't closely resemble my acutal job.
: Setherick April 07, 2013, 08:48:37 PM
I wish I that the above wish corruption didn't closely resemble my acutal job.
Granted, but it takes twice as long to get things done.
I wish I was sure whether or not rezzing this thread was a good idea.
: BeyondSandrock April 07, 2013, 10:09:59 PM
I wish I that the above wish corruption didn't closely resemble my acutal job.I wish I was sure whether or not rezzing this thread was a good idea.
Granted, this thread will now be subject to immediate de-resolution by the MCP.
- End of Line -
: QuickreleasePersonalitY April 07, 2013, 10:43:59 PM
I wish I that the above wish corruption didn't closely resemble my acutal job.I wish I was sure whether or not rezzing this thread was a good idea.
Granted, this thread will now be subject to immediate de-resolution by the MCP.
- End of Line -
Granted,
now you never go online ever ever ever
North Korea wishes for peace
: Gorkamorka April 08, 2013, 03:15:32 AM
I wish I was married to Angelina Joley!
: Wooberman April 08, 2013, 06:14:32 AM
North Korea wins the nuclear war. There is now the peace of the grave.
I wish I was married to Angelina Joley!
Congratulations, you are now married to Angelina Joley.
She's 97 years old with episodes of chronic gastric distress and has accrued a considerable debt with some very shady character who want to have a word with you since you are her next of kin.
Angelina Jolie on the other hand is still enjoying her long term relationship with Brad Pitt.
I wish that bodily functions sounded like their owners saying the name of the function (e.g. the sound of a fart would be you saying fart).
: beowuuf April 08, 2013, 01:46:52 PM
Congratulations, the horrible truth is now revealed to you and everyone else: the only bodily function sounds were coming from you all along.
I wish I actually had a legitimate use for all the Reaper Miniatures that are soon to come my way :(
: Capitalocracy April 08, 2013, 06:56:24 PM
Granted, your legitimate use for all your Reaper minis is to send them to me, because I missed out on that Kickstarter.
I wish I actually had a legitimate use for all the Reaper Miniatures that are soon to come my way :(
I wish I could load skillsoft into my brain.
: Setherick April 08, 2013, 07:16:49 PM
I wish I could load skillsoft into my brain.
Congratulations, you have now loaded an outdated version; your brain is now obsolete.
I wish I didn't have this cold.
: Tadanori Oyama April 08, 2013, 07:19:46 PM
I wish I didn't have this cold.
Granted: You have a different cold.
I wish I could purchase print copies of digital only games at my local game store.
: Review Cultist April 08, 2013, 08:08:13 PM
I wish I could purchase print copies of digital only games at my local game store.
granted, You get a copy of the games code in book format.
I wish I had the remainder of Ross and Caleb's Coop let's play for dead space 3.
: Leviathan April 08, 2013, 08:42:51 PM
I wish I had the remainder of Ross and Caleb's Coop let's play for dead space 3.Granted, but the audio is corrupted.
I wish I could afford a new monitor.
: Dawnsteel April 08, 2013, 09:26:41 PM
I wish I could afford a new monitor.
Granted. You'll find a reproduction of an underpowered, top-heavy, U.S. ironclad in your garage. Well, in the spot your garage used to be.
I wish for more wishes!
: clockworkjoe April 08, 2013, 11:12:05 PM
I wish I could afford a new monitor.
Granted. You'll find a reproduction of an underpowered, top-heavy, U.S. ironclad in your garage. Well, in the spot your garage used to be.
I wish for more wishes!
Granted, you get all the other wishes from this thread. At once.
I wish I could write 10,000 words a day of the material I want to write.
: edwardian_adventurer April 08, 2013, 11:20:03 PM
I wish I could write 10,000 words a day of the material I want to write.
Granted. From your newly-acquired padded cell you write "Cthulhu" 5000 times and "fhtagn" 5000 times using your feces.
I wish I had more time in the day to work on my novel.
: Capitalocracy April 08, 2013, 11:59:45 PM
I wish I had more time in the day to work on my novel.Granted. Hope you weren't attached to that job.
I wish my work paid a living wage plus the cost of gaming stuff.
: Leviathan April 09, 2013, 02:10:04 AM
Granted. I hope you like being the icon of Dorito-gate II.I wish I had more time in the day to work on my novel.Granted. Hope you weren't attached to that job.
I wish my work paid a living wage plus the cost of gaming stuff.
I wish I could get my friends to try play-testing my series of adventures for CoC.
: Boyos April 09, 2013, 02:18:54 AM
I wish my blood bowl team could win a damn game! There 0-3-0!
: clockworkjoe April 09, 2013, 02:30:33 AM
Granted but the play test went so well your players went completly insane and you and your players are sent to the funny home for the next 20 years.
I wish my blood bowl team could win a damn game! There 0-3-0!
Granted. They win a game. After the season, they are 1-15-0.
I wish I could write for Marvel Comics.
: Gorkamorka April 09, 2013, 03:09:04 AM
You get to. Write for Hovard the Duck.
I wish I could do Parcour.
: Wooberman April 09, 2013, 06:03:56 AM
I wish I could write my essays in my sleep so I can actually have a break at work.
: Froggycleric April 09, 2013, 08:39:04 AM
I wish I was able to retire.
: Setherick April 09, 2013, 09:47:04 AM
Granted, you now scrawl out at least two essay's a night on the floors and/or walls of your home using mayo.
I wish I was able to retire.
Due to a syntactical mistake on a form your legs have been replaced by all terrains. They need to be rotated every 10,000 miles and replace every 25.
I wish that I didn't have the cold that Tad gifted me above.
: Tadanori Oyama April 09, 2013, 11:35:00 AM
I wish I was able to retire.
Granted; you awaken and find yourself to be 90 years old and may legally retire.
I wish that I didn't have the cold that Tad gifted me above.
After all the work I put into it! How dare you?!
Granted; you regift the cold to your entire work environment. It becomes unofficial policy to leave a small pyramid of balled up kleenex just outside your door.
Addition- Oops, forgot to have a wish:
I wish could get the playest rules for Demon: The ???.
: clockworkjoe April 09, 2013, 01:43:04 PM
Done.
You get to. Write for Hovard the Duck.
I wish I could do Parcour.
I get to create a new character named Hovard the Duck? Score! I think I won this contest 8)
: Gorkamorka April 09, 2013, 03:18:22 PM
Done.
You get to. Write for Hovard the Duck.
I wish I could do Parcour.
I get to create a new character named Hovard the Duck? Score! I think I won this contest 8)
Dam your non phonetically spelled languages.
Tad. You get to playtes a real demon. Teath, claws and everythin.
I wish i could spell.
: Capitalocracy April 09, 2013, 03:49:24 PM
I wish i could spell.Granted, you can now cast spells. But they all come out wrong because all the spells in your spellbook are all misspelled.
I wish I had a D&D or Pathfinder game going.
: beowuuf April 09, 2013, 04:06:17 PM
Wish granted! It's being hosted in a retirement home. How many times can you explain the grapple rules to a 96 year old before going insane?* Also: hot granny is checking you out.
I wish I had a MAOCT game going.
*Is it just me or did Pathfinder spectacularly not make grappling any clearer? An is it just me, or is grappling an easy and epic mechanic that is impossible to explain to anyone briefly?
: SageNytell April 09, 2013, 09:35:12 PM
I wish I could play a session with the RPPR guys.
: edwardian_adventurer April 09, 2013, 09:40:41 PM
I wish all my school projects were finished.
: SageNytell April 09, 2013, 09:44:42 PM
FUCK YES YOU GIVE THEM FREE BIRD
Granted. You get together with the RPPR guys and perform a stunning rendition of "Free Bird."
I wish all my school projects were finished.
Granted, but the circumstances render you likewise.
I wish I had a Battlemech.
: Teapot April 10, 2013, 12:08:11 AM
I wish I could make Eclipse Phase characters quickly and well without using a program.
: Froggycleric April 10, 2013, 12:14:18 AM
I wish i could speak a foreign language.
: Teapot April 10, 2013, 02:20:25 AM
Granted, a Swede acknowledges you do speak a foreign language.
I wish I could read size 2 writing.
: beowuuf April 10, 2013, 03:36:24 AM
Wish granted, you are now so tiny you can be bullied by your pet cat. Also, a small pet cat that likes to bully miniature humans will be provided to you if you cannot provide one for yourself.
I wish I could minaturise humans so I could give them to small pet cats or small children to bat around/stick in their mouth/bury in gardens.
: Capitalocracy April 10, 2013, 06:00:28 AM
I wish I could minaturise humans so I could give them to small pet cats or small children to bat around/stick in their mouth/bury in gardens.Granted. Now you look like this.
(http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20081208185048/harveybirdman/images/thumb/1/13/Birdman-reducto.gif/184px-Birdman-reducto.gif)
I wish I could prepare for my Eclipse Phase game on Friday instead of working tomorrow.
: Gorkamorka April 10, 2013, 06:05:51 AM
You are fired!
I wish I could realy grant wishes.
: Froggycleric April 10, 2013, 06:38:41 AM
I wish pokemon were real.
: Teapot April 10, 2013, 10:24:04 AM
I wish this cat would stop bullying me.
: Gorkamorka April 10, 2013, 10:37:06 AM
You are now a female cat. And that cat wants to do other things to you.
I wish I was a Paladin.
: Flawless P April 10, 2013, 11:39:19 AM
Granted
You are now a female cat. And that cat wants to do other things to you.
I wish I was a Paladin.
Granted you are a Lawful Good Paladin, you have been charged with looking after an insane Half Black Dragon Bard. He is Chaotic Good. You don't know it but if you ever get more than 100ft apart his alternate personality triggers and he becomes a Lawful Evil Fighter with a murderous streak.(Exact backstory of my first DND character ever, with another player playing the Bard)
I wish I had transporter like on Star Trek.
: SageNytell April 10, 2013, 01:21:59 PM
I wish I could go home early today.
: Tadanori Oyama April 10, 2013, 01:26:15 PM
I wish I could go home early today.
Granted; you and everyone else return home after the sewer main erruption.
I wish I could find a consistant 3rd person for my Friday night Skype game.
: Flawless P April 10, 2013, 01:29:42 PM
I wish I could go home early today.
Granted; you and everyone else return home after the sewer main erruption.
I wish I could find a consistant 3rd person for my Friday night Skype game.
Granted but they want to know what time and system you are using. Also they have only played FATAL.
I wish I could win that power ball lottery thing that just started out here.
: beowuuf April 10, 2013, 01:40:39 PM
Wish granted, you have been randomly selected to have your genitals electrocuted.
I wish I could stop laughing at the 'real pokemon' answer from earlier.
: clockworkjoe April 10, 2013, 02:00:12 PM
Wish granted, you have been randomly selected to have your genitals electrocuted.
I wish I could stop laughing at the 'real pokemon' answer from earlier.
hard to laugh WHEN YOU ARE ON FIRE OH GOD THE FIGHTING IS SPREADING THE POKEMON ARE JUST BURNING AND ELECTROCUTING EVERYTHING
I wish I had all the games on Steam. All of them.
: Flawless P April 10, 2013, 02:11:34 PM
Wish granted, you have been randomly selected to have your genitals electrocuted.
I wish I could stop laughing at the 'real pokemon' answer from earlier.
hard to laugh WHEN YOU ARE ON FIRE OH GOD THE FIGHTING IS SPREADING THE POKEMON ARE JUST BURNING AND ELECTROCUTING EVERYTHING
I wish I had all the games on Steam. All of them.
Granted, it comes at the price of having to play the Tractor Simulator game for at least 12 hours a day.
I wish I had no biological or psychological need to sleep.
: Tadanori Oyama April 10, 2013, 02:15:48 PM
I wish I had no biological or psychological need to sleep.
Granted; Lacking things to do during the hours other sleep you start Skyping with people from the other side of the world and, inevitably, end up coordinating round the clock delieveries of bootlegged illegal porno DVDs in Bangkok.
I wish this mild pain in my shoulder would just go away.
: Dawnsteel April 10, 2013, 02:20:57 PM
: Tadanori Oyama
I wish this mild pain in my shoulder would just go away.
Granted. The nerve endings in your shoulder no longer report any sensation. Your arm hangs, lifeless, at your side.
I wish I could go to GenCon.
: Tadanori Oyama April 10, 2013, 02:44:06 PM
I wish I could go to GenCon.
Granted; you are employed as a booster stool by Shane Ivey so he can stand eye level with Adam Scott Glancy when they are at their booths. When not being actively used for standing purposes you are used by Greg Stolze as a hand wipe after he has to shake nerds' hands.
I wish I knew more game designers.
: SageNytell April 10, 2013, 02:59:20 PM
I wish I could just start this stupid Spirit of the Century Game, I've got players and characters but this is always where things fall apart.
: Wooberman April 11, 2013, 08:56:35 AM
I wish my workplace would finally promote me to the job they promised years ago.
: Capitalocracy April 11, 2013, 12:32:13 PM
I wish my workplace would finally promote me to the job they promised years ago.Granted, but it pays minimum wage. Not today's minimum wage, the minimum wage from when they promised you the job years ago.
I wish U.S. spouse immigration policy didn't discriminate against the poor.
: Claive April 11, 2013, 12:45:59 PM
I wish U.S. spouse immigration policy didn't discriminate against the poor.
Due to budget cuts the U.S. government isn't accepting any applications for immigration at the current time.
I wish to for the Shimizu Mega-City_Pyramid to be built and to withstand the test of time.
: Setherick April 11, 2013, 12:58:16 PM
I wish U.S. spouse immigration policy didn't discriminate against the poor.
Due to budget cuts the U.S. government isn't accepting any applications for immigration at the current time.
I wish to for the Shimizu Mega-City_Pyramid to be built and to withstand the test of time.
Granted. It does, but it quickly loses popularity when this monstrosity is built: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/X-Seed_4000
I wish I could get a new apartment in the city I'm moving to this week.
: Flawless P April 11, 2013, 01:14:30 PM
Granted. It does, but it quickly loses popularity when this monstrosity is built: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/X-Seed_4000
I wish I could get a new apartment in the city I'm moving to this week.
Granted but now you live in Sacramento, CA and in my apartment complex and are forced to run games for me at my whims!
I wish for a self sustaining cash flow.
: Tadanori Oyama April 11, 2013, 01:19:36 PM
I wish for a self sustaining cash flow.
Grant; welcome to your new counterfeiting racket.
I wish the game I'd been waiting for hadn't been delayed.
: ethan_dawe April 11, 2013, 01:34:48 PM
I wish there were more CoC episodes of RPPR actual play
: Setherick April 11, 2013, 01:44:05 PM
Granted but now you live in Sacramento, CA and in my apartment complex and are forced to run games for me at my whims!
Joke would be on you. I'm a pro PC, but a crappy GM. In fact, as Ross is to GM'ing, I am to PC'ing.
: edwardian_adventurer April 11, 2013, 02:03:50 PM
Granted. It's not delayed, they decided to swap it for a reprint of F.A.T.A.L
I wish there were more CoC episodes of RPPR actual play
Granted. Ross recruits three groups of high school gamers to increase output.
I wish I had new glasses.
: Setherick April 11, 2013, 02:32:36 PM
Granted. It's not delayed, they decided to swap it for a reprint of F.A.T.A.L
I wish there were more CoC episodes of RPPR actual play
Granted. Ross recruits three groups of high school gamers to increase output.
I wish I had new glasses.
Oh, you (http://www.amazon.com/Jumbo-Clown-Glasses-Assorted-Colors/dp/B002F7YR00) do (http://www.amazon.com/Pairs-80s-Shutter-Shade-Sunglasses/dp/B002C3R5XI/ref=pd_bxgy_t_img_y/184-1137101-9966446)?
I wish I had one of those fancy essay grading programs so that I didn't have to grade today.
: Dawnsteel April 11, 2013, 02:35:30 PM
: Setherick
I wish I had one of those fancy essay grading programs so that I didn't have to grade today.
Granted. An unresolved bug issues your students all grades of "J."
I wish blower motor resistors were easier to get at, for removal and installation.
: Setherick April 11, 2013, 02:43:46 PM
: SetherickI wish I had one of those fancy essay grading programs so that I didn't have to grade today.
Granted. An unresolved bug issues your students all grades of "J."
I wish blower motor resistors were easier to get at, for removal and installation.
Granted! While you're at the computer, the blower motor explodes. Now the resistors are sitting at your feet, and there is a hole in your wall.
I wish I hadn't have written on my arm in what appears to be permanent ink.
: Tadanori Oyama April 11, 2013, 02:53:16 PM
I wish I hadn't have written on my arm in what appears to be permanent ink.
Granted: You instead wrote it across your monitor.
I wish the weather we're having in the Pacific Northwest right now would just pick a season.
: Setherick April 11, 2013, 02:57:19 PM
I wish I hadn't have written on my arm in what appears to be permanent ink.
Granted: You instead wrote it across your monitor.
I wish the weather we're having in the Pacific Northwest right now would just pick a season.
Fine, Summer decides to summer here (http://www.fourseasons.com/vancouver/).
I wish my front yard wasn't flooded.
: clockworkjoe April 11, 2013, 05:12:50 PM
I wish I hadn't have written on my arm in what appears to be permanent ink.
Granted: You instead wrote it across your monitor.
I wish the weather we're having in the Pacific Northwest right now would just pick a season.
Fine, Summer decides to summer here (http://www.fourseasons.com/vancouver/).
I wish my front yard wasn't flooded.
OH NO THE POKEMON SET IT ON FIRE
I wish Zombies of the World was optioned for $1 million
: Tadanori Oyama April 11, 2013, 05:21:21 PM
I wish Zombies of the World was optioned for $1 million
Granted but at the moment of signing the paperwork you have an uncharacteristic attack of artistic integrity and tear up the contract. So the give the money to the DayZ guys instead and release a feature length machinima using the in game engine.
I wish I had more short sleeve shirts I could wear to work.
: clockworkjoe April 11, 2013, 05:26:44 PM
I wish Zombies of the World was optioned for $1 million
Granted but at the moment of signing the paperwork you have an uncharacteristic attack of artistic integrity and tear up the contract. So the give the money to the DayZ guys instead and release a feature length machinima using the in game engine.
I wish I had more short sleeve shirts I could wear to work.
DON'T EVEN JOKE ABOUT THAT
as for your wish:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QK8mJJJvaes
I wish I could think of better wishes
: edwardian_adventurer April 11, 2013, 06:10:37 PM
I wish I could think of better wishes
Granted. However, you are now in a waking coma and are unable to voice your wishes.
I wish I could have pizza for dinner tonight.
: beowuuf April 11, 2013, 06:50:41 PM
I wish I could have pizza for dinner tonight.
Wish granted. You could have pizza tonight. It's right there in the freezer calling your name. Pity you suffer from a chronic case of laziness now. You eat a sofa cushion that's closer.
I wish the Pokemon would stop setting fire to everything :(
: Froggycleric April 11, 2013, 07:01:48 PM
I wish the world was like minecraft.
: Review Cultist April 11, 2013, 07:33:47 PM
The fires have been stopped, however the pokemon now realize how weak we are, and how decided to wage war against humanity.
I wish the world was like minecraft.
Granted! By the way, that's a nice everything you have there. It'd be a shame if anything happened to it... Ptssssssssss....!
I wish I had Polybius. XD
: Dawnsteel April 11, 2013, 08:01:09 PM
I wish I had Polybius. XD
Granted. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polybius) I don't want to know your plans for his remains.
I wish I had a good, feasible idea for dinner tonight.
: beowuuf April 11, 2013, 08:10:53 PM
I wish I had a good, feasible idea for dinner tonight.
Wish granted - Sofa cushion Surprise! Cheap, quick and full of fibrous goodness.
After hearing the RPPR bonus episode with their abandoned Fiasco set up, I wish someone would create a Fiasco game themed on creating a Fiasco game.
: Froggycleric April 11, 2013, 09:42:50 PM
I wish rerun's of loonie toons were on tv.
: Claive April 12, 2013, 11:07:06 AM
Granted, you and the team behind F.A.T.A.L have been chained up in a basement with a computer to accomplish the goal.
I wish rerun's of loonie toons were on tv.
Your wish is Granted, George Lucas has been put in charge of "Updating" them for tv.
I wish that everyone knew the actual facts regarding the safety of nuclear, coal and oil power.
: Flawless P April 12, 2013, 11:09:47 AM
Granted, you and the team behind F.A.T.A.L have been chained up in a basement with a computer to accomplish the goal.
I wish rerun's of loonie toons were on tv.
Your wish is Granted, George Lucas has been put in charge of "Updating" them for tv.
I wish that everyone knew the actual facts regarding the safety of nuclear, coal and oil power.
Granted, Everyone knows. However you realize that enough people knew before but the power of the status quo is all pervasive.
I wish I wasn't part of the status quo.
: Gorkamorka April 12, 2013, 01:07:01 PM
: Setherick April 12, 2013, 01:10:17 PM
I wish Flawless P had made a wish!
Granted, note above.
: Flawless P April 12, 2013, 01:34:08 PM
It was going to be:
I wish I could be paid my current salary without actually having to go in to work or do any actual work.
But the status quo works for me!
I wish I wasn't about to grant my own wish to get this thread back on track.
: Flawless P April 12, 2013, 05:47:17 PM
I wish I could get my phone upgrade this month.
: QuickreleasePersonalitY April 12, 2013, 05:52:10 PM
Granted, but now everyone hates you because you are THAT GUY who replys to your own posts.
I wish I could get my phone upgrade this month.
Granted; your phone now vores small children.
Republican party wishes it would get down to basics.
: beowuuf April 12, 2013, 05:57:25 PM
Wish granted - all those stuffy politicians are now dancing to this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wiHSGIXEeto
I wish my cold would go away so my ears would stop randomly popping.
: Wooberman April 12, 2013, 06:24:56 PM
I wish my cold would go away so my ears would stop randomly popping.
Granted, You no longer have a cold but your ears now pop alternately every second like clockwork.
I wish we were unified as beings of pure energy.
: Claive April 12, 2013, 06:50:45 PM
"I can haz cheezeburger?"
: Dawnsteel April 14, 2013, 10:48:42 PM
"I can haz cheezeburger?"
Granted. Since I assume you are a cat, your cheeseburger gives you the mange.
I wish I'd remembered to buy more Sriracha at the grocery store.
: clockworkjoe April 14, 2013, 10:51:20 PM
I wish FTL space travel was possible and achievable in our lifetime
: Dawnsteel April 14, 2013, 11:35:50 PM
: clockworkjoe
I wish FTL space travel was possible and achievable in our lifetime
Granted. You get boarded, killed, and eaten by mantises.
I wish I'd started doing laundry earlier tonight.
: Gorkamorka July 18, 2013, 06:22:53 PM
I wish I'd started doing laundry earlier tonight.
Granted. You just finished.
I wish I could travel forward in time.
: clockworkjoe July 18, 2013, 07:40:53 PM
I wish I'd started doing laundry earlier tonight.
Granted. You just finished.
I wish I could travel forward in time.
Granted! You can now travel 1.0001 seconds into the the future for every 1 second. This happens automatically and you cannot stop. You will gradually fall out of sync with the rest of the universe.
I wish I had more energy to work on projects.
: Review Cultist July 18, 2013, 07:50:25 PM
I wish I had an idea for writing a good "Call of Duty" creepypasta.
: crash2455 July 19, 2013, 10:35:02 AM
I wish I had more time every day.
: SageNytell July 19, 2013, 11:05:49 AM
I wish I knew what to do about my current romantic situation. :(
: Dom July 19, 2013, 12:30:44 PM
I wish I knew what to do about my current romantic situation. :(
Granted, you now know exactly what to do about your current romantic situation. Take a 1d6/1d20 SAN loss.
I wish I hadn't spent all my money in the Steam Summer Sale.
: Gorkamorka July 19, 2013, 12:50:07 PM
You spent it on hookers and blow.
I wish I had a +5 vorpal holy avenger.
: FuzzyDan July 19, 2013, 12:53:14 PM
I wish I had a +5 vorpal holy avenger.
Granted, you have two in place of your hands, and your head is itchy.
I wish I could work less than 60 hours a week.
: clockworkjoe July 19, 2013, 01:46:50 PM
I wish I had a +5 vorpal holy avenger.
Granted, you have two in place of your hands, and your head is itchy.
I wish I could work less than 60 hours a week.
Granted, you now work between 5 and 10 hours a week at Hobby Lobby.
I wish Hollywood would option Base Raiders and pay me a million dollars for it.
: Salkovich July 19, 2013, 09:32:27 PM
Granted, you now work between 5 and 10 hours a week at Hobby Lobby.
I wish Hollywood would option Base Raiders and pay me a million dollars for it.
You got it! They hire M. Night Shamwow to direct and Shia LeBouf to star.
I wish I had a computer that wasn't completely terrible.
: Teuthic July 20, 2013, 01:50:54 PM
I wish I could find an affordable apartment.
: crash2455 July 20, 2013, 06:17:50 PM
Granted! It achieves sentience and erases your mind.
I wish I could find an affordable apartment.
Granted. None of the windows open and it predates gas heating.
I wish I could find artists who didn't bail on me.
: edwardian_adventurer July 20, 2013, 07:46:46 PM
I wish I could get over this jet lag.
: clockworkjoe July 20, 2013, 07:50:29 PM
Granted! It achieves sentience and erases your mind.
I wish I could find an affordable apartment.
Granted. None of the windows open and it predates gas heating.
I wish I could find artists who didn't bail on me.
come on there are limits to the power of wishes