The Role Playing Public Radio Forums
General Category => General Chaos => : clockworkjoe April 12, 2009, 04:30:58 PM
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http://omegle.com/
It connects you to a random person on the Internet so you chat. I am not very good at it.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Hi
You: Hello
Stranger: asl?
You: did you roll up a character?
Stranger: nay
You: If you didn't you can use a pregen
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hello
Stranger: hello
You: how are you
You: are you ready to begin
Stranger: I'm fine thank you (:
You: That's good
Stranger: yes I am :D
Stranger: how are you?
You: Good!
You: I'm doing great
Stranger: great
You: Okay you find yourself in a strange new land
You: you seem to be in a forest
Stranger: okaay
You: it is morning
Stranger: cool
You: and early spring
You: what do you do
Stranger: ooh
Stranger: hmm
Stranger: I'm singing and dancing around
You: you hear birds singing up in the trees
You: when suddenly!
You: a branch snaps nearby!
You: something lurks in the bushes
Stranger: ooh!
You: about ten yards from you
Stranger: Oh no!
You: what do you do?
Stranger: stop singing and turn around to look
You: you see a horn poking through the bushes
You: a single long horn
Stranger: EEEEEEK!!!
Stranger: jesus chirst!
You: then you see a horse's face
You: attached to the horn
Stranger: aww...
Stranger: it's a unicorn?
Stranger: so sweeet...
You: there is a tattoo under the unicorn's eye
You: a tattoo of a teardrop
You: you recognize it as a prison tat
Stranger: beautiful I think
You: this unicorn has done hard time
You: it is looking at you while it munches on some leaves
Stranger: aww.. you little poor beauty
You: It narrows its eyes
You: what do you do?
You: you remember that you must get to the village before dark
Stranger: I think he/she doesn't like to be called litlle beauty
Stranger: Oh I remember!
You: the unicorn starts picking its teeth with a switchblade
You: you're not sure how it can hold a switchblade but you dare not question it
You: what do you remember?
You: the unicorn finishes picking its teeth
You: then eyes the purse of gold coins tied to your belt
Stranger: geez, I'm trying to empathise in this story ok
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Lawl, I would have taken my wizard hat and robe off.
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"I'm trying to empathize in this story. ok?"
Huh? What the fuck did that mean?
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I love this site!
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Unicorn with a prison tat. You have a twisted mind there, dude.
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Funny shit.
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you should all try it at least once. and post the chat log.
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"this unicorn has done hard time"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
(the laughter continues for three pages)
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you should all try it at least once. and post the chat log.
The first night I found it on /b/ I did a 20 minute text adventure. The person went into a dark room.
EATEN BY A GRUE.
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that was some funny shit the tear drop tat is funny it's done hard time and kilt some one now that a hard core unicorn
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you should all try it at least once. and post the chat log.
The first night I found it on /b/ I did a 20 minute text adventure. The person went into a dark room.
EATEN BY A GRUE.
QUEUE THE FRONTALOT!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nigRT2KmCE
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"You: the unicorn starts picking its teeth with a switchblade
You: you're not sure how it can hold a switchblade but you dare not question it"
domn thats good shit.
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This is a warm-up. Not my best work, but something.
You: Greetings fellow traveller!
Stranger: hello
Stranger: where might you be from
You: how fair you this fine day?
Stranger: grand thankyou and yourself sire?
You: Oh, I might be from Ireland, or I might be from New Zealand. I might be from here
You: I am mighty fine and dandy
Stranger: i might be from cambodia, but then again i might be from china
Stranger: who knows
You: THE SHADOW!
You: The Shadow always knows
Stranger: yes
Stranger: only the shadow
Stranger: might you be stoned?
You: You know what the old song says, "everybody knows that when the shadow comes he comes in your face he comes in your butthole."
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You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi , what makes you interesting?
You: my large twat
You: what about you?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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I'm really fucking ashamed of this one. Granted, I am still posting it, but damn if it isn't just too much. Note how ridiculous my responses are and how he still keeps going. It takes a little while for him to disconnect too. Honestly, this is the most offensive, dirty and awful thing I have ever said/written/thought about. I might have to go wash myself now.
Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: hello
You: asl
Stranger: 17/m/US
Stranger: u?
You: 16 f US
You: whadda ya look like?
Stranger: cool
Stranger: im dirty blonde
Stranger: 5'9"
Stranger: hbu?
You: but are you a durrrrty blonde?
Stranger: o i am very dirty ;)
You: I'm 5'2" 100lbs. long black hair
You: green eyes
You: c cup
Stranger: sexy
You: I like to think so
Stranger: do u have a pic you can show me?
You: yeah hold on
Stranger: alright
You: (I find a picture of some random chick on myspace)
Stranger: very cute :)
You: thanks
You: got any pics?
Stranger: yeah
You: gonna send em?
Stranger: yup
You: kewl
Stranger: (he sends a photo link from facebook)
Stranger: not my best but the best on fb i would think lol
You: nice
Stranger: so where in the us u from?
You: ny
You: u?
Stranger: o cool
Stranger: im in md
You: that's cool
Stranger: yup
Stranger: so have u ever tried virtual sex?
You: no. I'm a virtual virgin
Stranger: o rly
Stranger: would u like to try now
You: sounds fun
You: you start
Stranger: alright
Stranger: umm
Stranger: where do you want to do it?
You: in your bed
Stranger: alright
Stranger: so we are in my room
Stranger: and we start to make out
You: okay
You: I LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING!
Stranger: i start to feel your ass
Stranger: and your breasts
You: WHOA! OH YEAH!
You: that's hot
Stranger: i thrust my toungue deeper into yours and press you closer to me
You: my tongue absorbs your tongue into it
You: like a symbiotic alien
Stranger: o rly?
You: hells yes
You: so hot
You: I'm getting so freaking hot
Stranger: u start to go down my body
Stranger: and unzip my pants
You: down to china town! hell yeah!
Stranger: u pull down my pants and boxers
Stranger: and my 12" dick pops out
You: mmmmm. sheeee-ITTTT!
Stranger: you start to suck my dick
Stranger: it feels so good
You: WHOA! SHIT! I AM SO WET HONEY!
Stranger: you take off your pants and underwear and start feeling yourself while you suck me off
Stranger: you tits bouncing
Stranger: your*
Stranger: u suck harder
Stranger: and faster
Stranger: it feels so good baby
Stranger: i think im gonna cum baby
You: *holding eyes to the side like a bad chinese stereotype* sucky sucky free dolla free dolla!
You: don't cum yet baby!
Stranger: im holding it
Stranger: o my god it feels so good
You: you gotta put it in my ass first
Stranger: i cum
Stranger: ugh sorry baby
Stranger: but now
Stranger: its your turn
Stranger: i lay u on the bed
You: first off, I take the cum from my mouth and spit it all over your chest and then rub my tits up and down on it
Stranger: and i get a major hardon from it
Stranger: u lay on the bed
Stranger: and u spread your legs wide
Stranger: so i can see your wet pussy
You: then, I push you to the bed and slap your dick around and get it hard
You: who's telling the story?
Stranger: we both are
You: let me work my shit here
Stranger: i let you work me
You: you sit back and relax
Stranger: i will
Stranger: alright baby
You: I start to turn your crank
Stranger: it feels good
You: working the balls with my hands until you are hard again.
Stranger: omg
Stranger: baby it feels good
You: Then, I spit on your dick for some lube and I squat my ass onto it
Stranger: omg your ass is so tight
Stranger: o baby it feels so good
You: you start slow at first and then you start really pounding me
Stranger: omg
Stranger: its so tight baby
You: at first I'm all like "yeah this is hot" but then it starts to hurt really bad
You: I kind of like it, but it also hurts like a mother fucker
Stranger: do u want me to take it out?
You: so, you keep pounding me and pounding me and then as you pull it out, I take a big fucking dump on your chest
You: there is blood and shit everywhere
Stranger: omg this is getting hot baby
Stranger: i rub the shit all over myself
You: I look and there might be a small part of my colon in there too
Stranger: it gets me hard again right away
You: now that I see you're a freak, I squat and take a big ole piss in your mouth
Stranger: o god it feels so good
Stranger: your pussy juice tasts so nice
You: I'm screaming "house on fire! house on fire! put it out! put it out!"
Stranger: ok baby
Stranger: my turn
Stranger: for the story telling
You: I grab some lipstick from my purse and rub it all over your mouth
You: and I write "I'm a pussy" on your chest in shit and lipstick
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Well played. The imagery is horrifying.
Straight people say the gayest things on anonymous chat for some reason.
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I know! Tell me about it.
I'm a little ashamed, but I didn't start writing anything too bad until I saw that this dude wasn't getting the hint.
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It's things like this that make me wonder what my teachers in high school really spent their time doing at their desks while I was filling in scan-trons.
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It'd be weird to find out that my high school teacher had his own fucking fan club / cult and spent his free time insulting whores on Craigslist.
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My wife is hoping I will grow out of it.
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My wife is hoping I will grow out of it.
So do the whores on craigslist.
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Yep. That whole roleplaying thing you been going for however many decades? It's a phase.
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o god what have i done
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You've unleashed the true power of the Obscure Beelzebub! The Cathartic Lobster! Mr. Mojo Risen!
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It's just so much fun that I can't stop!
Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hello?
Stranger: hi
You: hi
You: how are you?
Stranger: good n u?
You: not so good
You: my wife left me tonight
Stranger: wow. im sorry
Stranger: y?
You: not your fault
You: unless you're the cheating bastard she was fucking
You: *nervous laughter*
Stranger: um
Stranger: no lol
You: *suspicious glance*
Stranger: not a dude
You: ha
You: asl
Stranger: 22/f/ga
You: Georgia!
You: Are you a Georgia peach?
Stranger: oh yes lol
You: got a boyfriend?
Stranger: no
You: why not?
Stranger: dont want one
You: good choice
You: we're nothing but troubl
You: trouble
Stranger: i know. been there. done that.
You: what are you doing tonight?
Stranger: nothing just chillin
You: other than the wife leaving me . . . I am doing the same
Stranger: lol
You: this is no jk
Stranger: ok
You: she was not jking when she left me
You: no jk there. no sir
Stranger: whyd she leave u?
You: she was fucking some guy behind my back
Stranger: ohh u shouldve left her then
You: I thought I could make it work
You: can I ask you a question?
Stranger: what
You: why are all women whores?
Stranger: theyre nor
Stranger: *not
You: then why do they all cheat on me?
Stranger: can i ask u a question?
You: sure
Stranger: why are all men selfish pricks? maybe ur one and thats why they cheat
You: I'm not selfish though
Stranger: oh but ur a prick? thats good...
You: when she was really sick, I quit school so I could pay for her medical bills
You: I'm not a prick either
Stranger: sorry u wasted your money
You: yeah. I should have just let her die
Stranger: well thats a little harsh...u shouldve just let her take care of her own shit
You: do you think she cheated on me because I have an eye patch?
Stranger: oh.....what do u look like and how old r u?
You: I am 57 years old. 6'8" 190lbs
Stranger: why do u have an eye patch?
You: I was in Iraq and I had a really bad accident
You: my gun misfired and shrapnel went right into my eye
Stranger: how old is she?
Stranger: oh no, im sorry
You: she is 19
Stranger: UM
You: I mean, I bought her fair and square!
Stranger: dude shes 19. youre 57. theres your problem.
Stranger: u bought her?
Stranger: dude wtf is ur deal?
You: isn't age only a number?
Stranger: um no
Stranger: where the fuck did u buy her?
You: um . . . from Thailand. duh. LOL!
Stranger: okay. so maybe its for the best she left u cuz thats pretty sick and disturbing
You: it's legal over there
You: the law is in the eye of the beholder
Stranger: who cares?
You: get it? because I have one eye!
Stranger: um law is the law dude. and moral are morals. apparently u dont have any
You: well, at least I am not a cheating whore
Stranger: um ur a disgusting pig that buys 19 year olds
You: at least I stayed true to my sweet, sweet Mei Mei
You: no. I am a loving husband that has lost his wife
Stranger: im glad she left
Stranger: she probably didnt even love u
You: you know what really makes me mad though?
Stranger: what
You: and I swear to God I am not even JKing about this
You: It pisses me off she left me for a fucking Mexican
You: those fucking Spick bastards took my job and now they took my wife
Stranger: as long as shes with someone SHE wants to be with and not with someone who bought her like a piece of fucking furniture
You: I bought like she was EXPENSIVE furniture though
You: really nice furniture that would make me dinner and finger my ass as she gave me a blow job
Stranger: okay go find a real woman not someone to buy. obviously u cant get someone real thats why u gotta buy them
Stranger: ur a pervert
You: well, not too expensive due to the fact she had so many scars when I bought her
You: do you think it's because of the eye patch?
You: is that why I can't get women?
Stranger: yeah probably cuz she got beat to shit cuz shes forced to be bought cuz dumb assholes like u
Stranger: no its not cuz of ur fucking eye patch, its probably because ur a disgusting pervery
Stranger: *pervert
You: no. she was beaten because she was a prostitute and all whores should be beaten and as we established before . . . all women are whores
Stranger: YOU ARE FUCKING DISGUSTING
Stranger: GO TO HELL DUDE
You: I think it's because of the eye patch. I have a glass eye. Maybe I can put that in
You: Do you think that will work?
4Stranger: yeah its cuz ur fucking ugly
Stranger: and ur fucking eyeless. thats gross as fuck
Stranger: i wouldnt go near some shit like that
You: I lost my eye while at war!
You: I'm a patriot and a hero!
Stranger: who gives a shit its still fucking gross
You: It's gross that I lost my eye while fighting for your freedom of speech?
Stranger: yes
You: Well, if that is so, then I am a gross mother fucker
You: A GROSS MOTHER FUCKER THAT LOVES FREEDOM!
Stranger: and u guys arent fighting for our freedom. ur fighting for iraqs freedom. get it right.
You: no no no no no no!
Stranger: yes yes yes
You: Iraq took our freedoms and I helped win them back!
Stranger: um no they didnt
Stranger: ur delusiounal
You: That's why we're there. They took all of our freedoms and I had to kill all of those godless bastards to get them back
You: U
You: S
You: A
You: Y
You: um
You: U
You: S
You: A
Stranger: LOSER GOOD LUCK BEING AN UGLY FAG FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
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Dude, she didn't leave you because of the eye patch. Eye patches are awesome.
But you probably should've just let her die.
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How can you even believe anyone on an anonymous chat room? So dumb.
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that reminds me of Zoidberg's lawyer from Futurama. "I lost my hands fighting for freedom. and I'm a polygamist. That's right!"
http://theinfosphere.org/Old_Man_Waterfall
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"You killed my lawyer!"
"Your welcome."
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lol the best part
she was EXPENSIVE furniture though
that was the best everything else was icing on the cake
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You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: are you black
You: wtf
Stranger: answer the question
You: im from detroit what do you think
Stranger: O FUCK NIGGER
WTF like wow thats messed up
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There are some great ones on the metafilter discussion of this site. I did not do either of these.
Stranger: wsup
Stranger: hey
You: Hi. Do you think this is really a good idea?
Stranger: stfu i don't wanna hear about your ideas faggot
Stranger: we're not cybering pedo
You: Heh, I figured. Thanks.
Stranger: i'm just trying to kill time in economics
Stranger: what's up with you
You: Wanted to know what the hell this thing was.
You: Now I know.
You: Later.
Stranger: wtf
Stranger: dont leave me
Stranger: hi
You: Are you there?
You: I'm you from the future.
Stranger: How did you know?
You: I would warn you of impending doom, but you lead a really boring life for the next couple of years.
Stranger: I am from the year 2015
You: You never really amount to anything.
Stranger: My name is Marty Mcfly
You: No, no, I'm from the far future.
You: Where hoverboards DO work on water.
Stranger: THEY DO????
Stranger: Take me with you
You: I can't take you back to the future.
Stranger: Not even at 88MPH?
You: Not without Huey Lewis.
Stranger: With or without The News?
You: Normally people disconnect by now.
Stranger: They are weak. They are from the past.
You: Zombie huey lewis is just as good.
You: We ought to send robots back to kill everyone's mother.
Stranger: Yes. I heard there was this guy called John Connor.
You: In the far future, we give the robots John Connor and they leave us alone.
You: It was really obvious, in hindsight.
Stranger: I never saw that.
Stranger: I was just really happy with my hover board
You: Still no jet packs.
You: Or flying cars.
Stranger: Doc is working on it
You: how many gigawatts do you guys have?
Stranger: 1.20
Stranger: just 0.01 left
You: holy shit!
You: 1.21 gigawatts!?
Stranger: Amazing isn't it?
You: 1.21 GIGAWATTS?!?!
Stranger: 1.21 GIGAWATTS!!!
You: UNO DOS UNO HEEEGAWATTOS?!?!
Stranger: SI
You: oh, ok.
Stranger: The flux capacitor is acting up though.
You: It's really just a coat hanger, ya'know.
Stranger: Thats what people have been trying to tell me. I still have faith in Doc.
You: ok, I'm going to get back to the future. we have eloi to rustle.
Stranger: Godspeed to you good sir.
You have disconnected.
http://www.metafilter.com/80436/Omegle-like-a-slot-machine-only-with-people
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Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: lol :3
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hello
You: lol :3
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: lol :3
Stranger: hi
You: hello
Stranger: i'm just trying this chat
You: are you a girl?
Stranger: no
You: have you ever fingered your ass as you masterbated
You: ?
Stranger: i suppose u're a noy
Stranger: a boy
You: no. I am girl
You: I like when guys fuck my ass
Stranger: i like fuck girl's ass
You: then I shit the cum on their chest
You: I'm a cumshitter
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Alright, I've got a few. The first couple are short with very abrupt endings that some of you may find amusing (or not) depending on if you have an odd sense of humor. The last one is a bit more drawn out.
#1
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You: Hey
Stranger: HALLO
Stranger: asl
You: 22/m/bro-town you?
Stranger: bro-town
Stranger: wheres that?
You: exactly. you cunt.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
#2
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Stranger: hi
You: hi
Stranger: guy or girl?
You: girl ^^
You: you?
Stranger: where u from sweete?
Stranger: im a male
You: i'm from CA
Stranger: cool
You: age?
Stranger: im from FL
Stranger: im 20 u?
You: 19 :)
Stranger: cool
Stranger: u have msn?
You: I hope you die.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
#3
--------------
You: sup
Stranger: hey
You: ./
Stranger: whats good with u
You: ./
You: ././
You: ././././
You: ././././././././
Stranger: eh?
You: Shut up. I'm trying to make a pattern here
You: god
You: ./
You: ././
You: ././././
You: ././././././././
Stranger: ././././././
Stranger: ././././././
You: ...
Stranger: ././././././././././
You: What I wouldn't give for the ability to bitch slap people via TCP/IP.
You: Because I would.
You: I would slap you.
Stranger: seriously
You: Seriously.
Stranger: id punch u
You: I would double slap you.
Stranger: id fuck u
You: I have a mean bitch slap.
You: And by you I mean your dick, handsome.
You: unf
Stranger: id fuck that tight ass
You: unf unf unf
Stranger: sorry
You: what
Stranger: that was really gay
You: wait a minute you were into it
You: how dare you
You: don't stop now
You: cmon, let's get this thing going
You: ever cybered?
Stranger: ya
Stranger: u?
You: all the time
You: go ahead, you start. let's see what you can come up with.
Stranger: not with another guy tho
You: it should come naturally (haha no pun intended!)
Stranger: but im very open minded
Stranger: hahaha
You: well. think about how you like to be stimulated. and just work with that
You: set the scene
Stranger: umm
Stranger: ok
Stranger: lets see
Stranger: im the cable man
Stranger: and your "cable" is out
You: it sure is
You: hanging right out of my pants, it is
Stranger: and im there to "fix" it
You: uh huh. go on.
Stranger: ok ready?
Stranger: *knock knock*
You: *answers door, with only a bathrobe on*
Stranger: *taps foot*
You: Wh- hello?
Stranger: "Hey" "My name is richard, but i prefer Dick"
Stranger: "Im here to fix your cable
Stranger: May i see where your cables are?
You: "Ah, hello. That's funny. I prefer dick as well."
You: "Please, come in."
Stranger: "Wow what a beautiful place you have here. You have a very nice assortment of dildos and lube too"
You: "Yeah, the TV is right over here and oh shi-" *slips on mysteriously placed dildo on the ground* *cock falls out of bathrobe*
Stranger: "Whoa hey there! Do you need hel- oh my god. That is the biggest cock. May I touch it?"
You: "Well, I suppose that's one of my cables! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA" *awkward stare, followed by 20 seconds of silence* "Yes."
Stranger: ok i cant go on anymore im sorry it was fun <3
You: hahaha
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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You: sup
Stranger: hey
You: ./
Stranger: whats good with u
You: ./
You: ././
You: ././././
You: ././././././././
Stranger: eh?
You: Shut up. I'm trying to make a pattern here
You: god
You: ./
You: ././
You: ././././
You: ././././././././
Stranger: ././././././
Stranger: ././././././
You: ...
Stranger: ././././././././././
You: What I wouldn't give for the ability to bitch slap people via TCP/IP.
You: Because I would.
You: I would slap you.
Stranger: seriously
You: Seriously.
Stranger: id punch u
You: I would double slap you.
Stranger: id fuck u
You: I have a mean bitch slap.
You: And by you I mean your dick, handsome.
You: unf
Stranger: id fuck that tight ass
You: unf unf unf
Stranger: sorry
You: what
Stranger: that was really gay
You: wait a minute you were into it
You: how dare you
You: don't stop now
You: cmon, let's get this thing going
You: ever cybered?
Stranger: ya
Stranger: u?
You: all the time
You: go ahead, you start. let's see what you can come up with.
Stranger: not with another guy tho
You: it should come naturally (haha no pun intended!)
Stranger: but im very open minded
Stranger: hahaha
You: well. think about how you like to be stimulated. and just work with that
You: set the scene
Stranger: umm
Stranger: ok
Stranger: lets see
Stranger: im the cable man
Stranger: and your "cable" is out
You: it sure is
You: hanging right out of my pants, it is
Stranger: and im there to "fix" it
You: uh huh. go on.
Stranger: ok ready?
Stranger: *knock knock*
You: *answers door, with only a bathrobe on*
Stranger: *taps foot*
You: Wh- hello?
Stranger: "Hey" "My name is richard, but i prefer Dick"
Stranger: "Im here to fix your cable
Stranger: May i see where your cables are?
You: "Ah, hello. That's funny. I prefer dick as well."
You: "Please, come in."
Stranger: "Wow what a beautiful place you have here. You have a very nice assortment of dildos and lube too"
You: "Yeah, the TV is right over here and oh shi-" *slips on mysteriously placed dildo on the ground* *cock falls out of bathrobe*
Stranger: "Whoa hey there! Do you need hel- oh my god. That is the biggest cock. May I touch it?"
You: "Well, I suppose that's one of my cables! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA" *awkward stare, followed by 20 seconds of silence* "Yes."
Stranger: ok i cant go on anymore im sorry it was fun <3
You: hahaha
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Wow Just wow!
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That was . . . God I feel dirty. I am laughing, but I feel dirty too.
-
Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hey
Stranger: Hi
You: how are you?
Stranger: i'm fine, thx
Stranger: how about you?
You: good
You: I got raped last night
Stranger: how come?
You: because I was a very bad girl
Stranger: where ?
You: in my ass
Stranger: did you like?
You: IT WAS FUCKING RAPE!
You: I JUST NEEDED SOMEONE TO TALK TO!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
-
Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: hi
Stranger: whats up
You: not much
You: got raped last night
Stranger: thats what i like to hear
You: that's fucking terrible
Stranger: dont get mad get glad
You: how about "don't get raped, eat grapes?"
Stranger: or that
Stranger: either or
You: this is no jk
You: I am not even jking when I say that I was raped
Stranger: i have 3 legs
Stranger: im not even kidding
You: you should not be loling at my very serious and not a jk rape
Stranger: i have 3 fucking legs
You: Who are you? Toe Jam?
Stranger: and i still dont qualifiy for the special olympics
Stranger: like WTF right
You: Toe Jam my love! Ever since you left FUnkatron I have missed thee!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
-
Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: hi
Stranger: how are you
You: not good
You: I was raped last night
Stranger: really?
You: yes
Stranger: that is bad
Stranger: did he roofie you?
You: It was absolutely horrible
Stranger: or were you awak
Stranger: awake*
You: I was a little drunk
You: but he pinned me down and just took advantage of me
You: I hurt so much
Stranger: violent?
You: I have multiple cuts and bruises
Stranger: ouch
Stranger: so did you call the police/
Stranger: ?
You: not yet
Stranger: do that
You: I'm scared he'll kill me
You: I'm not even jking
Stranger: well
Stranger: was he your friend or just a random guy/
Stranger: ?
You: it was my dad
You: that;s the worst fucking part
Stranger: oh wow
Stranger: k yeah
Stranger: call the police and go live somewhere else
You: I'm only 14! Where am I going to go?
Stranger: are your parents still together?
You: yes.
Stranger: hmmm
Stranger: tell your mom
You: that's the thing, she told him to do it
You: she said that is what I get for not doing my homework
Stranger: well then your parents are pretty f'd up people
Stranger: definately call the police
Stranger: and they can help you from there
You: that's the thing though. My parents are cops!
Stranger: this seems to be getting more and more sketchy
Stranger: of a story
You: I know it sounds ridiculous and that's why no one will believe me!
Stranger: right
Stranger: well definately go call someone like the police or somebody who can help
You: I just hurt so much. Soul-crushing loss
You: here's the thing though . . .
You: I am the dad. And I raped myself
Stranger: oh uh huh
Stranger: did you use a dildo?
You: yes. and I looked at a picture of you as I did it
You: because you are a naughty little girl and you deserve to die
Stranger: oh yeah well ill suck your dick right off you better take that back
You: nah. I'll let you suck my dick off
You: asl
Stranger: 18 f usa
You: Nevermind, you're too old for me anyway.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
-
You: Who are you? Toe Jam?
Thank you.
-
As funny as that last one was, I feel dirtier having read it than I did performing my last chat log. Still, well done. I'm a bad person who laughed multiple times at it.
-
I hope hell has internet so I can see what you guys are doing in your life on the RPPR Forums!
-
Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: GREETINGS!
Stranger: fun
You: I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO "FUN"
You: INPUT AGAIN
Stranger: so where u from?
You: I AM FROM SWEDEN
You: WHERE ARE YOU FROM?
Stranger: england
You: FASCINATING
You: "NEW" OR "OLD"?
Stranger: i don't know what u mean new or old
You: MAY I PRESENT MY APOLOGY?
You: "NEW ENGLAND" OR "MERRY OLD ENGLAND"?
Stranger: new, i guess
You: SO YOU ARE FROM NORTH EAST AMERICA THEN?
Stranger: may be Africa
You: WHY NOT JUST INPUT "MASSACHUCETTS" OR "MAINE"
You: THIS DOES NOT COMPUTE
You: THIS DOES NOT COMPUTE
You: THIS DOES NOT COMPUTE
You: THIS DOES NOT COMPUTE
You: THIS DOES NOT COMPUTE
Stranger: or may be asia
You: NORTH CENTRAL POSITRONICS HAS BEEN ALERTED TO THIS FAILURE
You: CIRCUITS FAILING
You: COMPLETE AND TOTAL SHUT DOWN IN 30 SECONDS
You: 30
You: 29
You: 28
You: 27
Stranger: 3
You: 26
Stranger: 2
Stranger: 1
You: 25
You: 24
-
Your freaky Turing Test didn't work out eh?
-
jehuty23: very cute pic
jehuty23: on craigslist
seductivelisa4u: Hi hows it going?
jehuty23: really good
jehuty23: how about you?
seductivelisa4u: Im good thanks
seductivelisa4u: Where are you from?
jehuty23: springfield
jehuty23: you?
seductivelisa4u: me too whats going on?
jehuty23: not much. I was looking over your cl ad and I thought I would message you
jehuty23: what are you up to?
seductivelisa4u: are you interested in the show im doing online, its full nudity, toys, outfits, you direct...have you ever had a camshow?
jehuty23: not really
jehuty23: I would rather just meet up
jehuty23: I'm really lonely
seductivelisa4u: good luck
jehuty23: do you not want to meet?
seductivelisa4u: nope
jehuty23: so, you just want to charge me to watch you get naked??
seductivelisa4u: yup
jehuty23: how much?
jehuty23: you there?
seductivelisa4u: I do anything you want...toys, fingers, anal, double penetration, I take directions very well
seductivelisa4u: I do anything you want...toys, fingers, anal, double penetration, I take directions very well
seductivelisa4u: Right now you can get 40 minutes of cam for $25
seductivelisa4u: sound ok so far?
jehuty23: perhaps
jehuty23: what are your rates compared to the rates of other cam whores?
jehuty23: I mean, I want to make sure I am getting the best deal here
seductivelisa4u: most other camwhores charge monthly fees for the sites
jehuty23: so yours is just a set rate for the 40 minutes right?
seductivelisa4u: yeah
seductivelisa4u: on the site i cam on its free to join so no monthly fees for that but we can charge anywhere from .98 to 5 bucks a minute
jehuty23: now that we have established rates, let's talk about payment options. Will you accept check or money order?
seductivelisa4u: I cam on a free to join site you only make a username..they use a secured card company to do the transaction...no monthy or subscription fees..1 time only charge...visa, mc, discover and there is a way to use paypal
seductivelisa4u: If your interested i would love to do a show for you
jehuty23: Well, I'm not so sure if I am interested or not considering that you did not use the correct form of "you're." I do not own a product called "interested" but you have piqued my interest if that is what you are insinuating
seductivelisa4u: LOL I don't think if I were you I would get to fixated on proper grammer since you are not using correct puncuation
seductivelisa4u: spell check on that word
seductivelisa4u: we can go back and forth on proper chat etiquette or we can have fun doing a camshow your choice
jehuty23: Excuse me, but my punctuation is flawless and my spelling is equally excellent
jehuty23: I prefer the first choice
seductivelisa4u: your punctuation is not flawless wheres your periods?
seductivelisa4u: hmmmmm
seductivelisa4u: did the period monster eat them?
jehuty23: Period monster? No, the period monster does not trouble with punctuation; he merely shows himself whenever women are on the rag.
seductivelisa4u: yeah i doubt that
seductivelisa4u: anyways are you interested in a show?
jehuty23: Yes. My favorite show is "How I met your mother." That is an excellent show.
jehuty23: I also like "Lost"
seductivelisa4u: okey dokey well they are on rerun status but enjoy them ..have a lovely evening
jehuty23: Have you watched "Lost?"
jehuty23: It is intense
seductivelisa4u: nope never seen it
jehuty23: You would love it. I just know it
jehuty23: They don't have a theme song, so I make up my own during the opening.
seductivelisa4u: lol
jehuty23: I start screaming, "THAT'S WHY I'M LOOOOOSSST!!!! LOST ON THIS ISLAND!!!! JOHN LOCKE IS ACTUALLY DEAD!!!! SOME EGYPTIAN GOD TOOK HIS BODDDDDYYYYY!!!!"
jehuty23: Spoiler alert I guess . . . LOL!
seductivelisa4u: wow you really get into it dont you
jehuty23: Most assuredly. I like to have fun as I watch my shows.
jehuty23: It was my father's dying wish that I go through life and have fun and I have been doing that ever since in his memory.
jehuty23: Sometimes though, I get really sad when I think about the day my dad died.
seductivelisa4u: thats good about living thats sucks about your dad
jehuty23: I guess he isn't really dead, but he is to me.
seductivelisa4u: to bad
seductivelisa4u: anyway you have a great evening i got business to take care of
jehuty23: That son of a bitch is a leper now.
jehuty23: He is on an island with other lepers
jehuty23: Maybe that is why I like "Lost" so much.
jehuty23: You think?
-
Damn, that made me laugh outloud.
Especially the period monster bit, and the dad being dead.
-
Haha Lepers....
-
My wife said, "I don't want you to talk to prostitutes on the internet anymore."
-
My wife said, "I don't want you to talk to prostitutes on the internet anymore."
hahahaahahahahahahahahahahaha
-
This thread is freaking awesome. Had to give it a try
Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hey
Stranger: horny girl?
You: Well... it depends on what day of the week it is
You: are YOU a horny girl?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
-
Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: hi
Stranger: asl
You: 22/m/aus
You: and you?
Stranger: 16 m taiwan
You: Taiwan? I hear you guys rock and ping pong
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
-
Bringing the thread back to life? Hells yes... this is kinda fucked up... but i'm posting it to rival Cody and try and get him back into the swing of things.
Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey
You: Hi!
Stranger: how r u
You: I'm fantastic!
You: Really buzzed!
You: Just had 3 cups of coffee!
You: I could stay up all night!
Stranger: :D
You: How're you?!
Stranger: lol
Stranger: I'm good
You: Thats great!
You: Where are you from?!
Stranger: uk
Stranger: u
You: I'm from London
Stranger: same :D
Stranger: Camden here
You: Where abouts?
You: Oh no shit!
You: Me too
Stranger: well, i'm not from london - I'm from lebanon. but i live here for uni
Stranger: haha cool
Stranger: where in camden?
You: North
You: Washington street
You: to be precise
Stranger: hmmm...i'm behiond euston station
You: ohhh
You: the bronx hahaha
You: Thats scary?
You: Ever been mugged?
Stranger: no
Stranger: but I don't like to walk home alone!
You: I can bet!
You: This one time i was walking through there, i was taking a friend home
You: and we were mugged
You: some guy pulled a knife
You: and when we tried run he chased us
You: we ran into an alley
You: and my friend was....
You: was raped
Stranger: sorry!
You: No shit
Stranger: that sucks
You: that place is brutal
Stranger: :(
You: .... so if you've never been mugged.... are you a mugger?
Stranger: i don't walk home without a guy...it's dangerous
You: Yeah
You: well my friend was with me
You: but... i couldn't stop this guy
You: he must've been on something
You: He was so strong
You: beat me senseless then just had his way with her
Stranger: that's horrible
Stranger: sorry
You: I've never been able to get the screams out of my head
You: You keep saying sorry.... Did you have something to do with it?
Stranger: no!
You: naw i'm just playing.... but seriously
You: Rape is no joke
You: unless your into Dnd
You: and like visiting a bunch of Dnd forums
Stranger: Dnd?
You: those guys crack up with that shit
Stranger: i'm a little lost :D
Stranger: soooooo
Stranger: how old are you?
You: Why are you smiling? We are having a very somber conversation about rape
You: anyway
You: moving on
You: i'm 54
Stranger: I'm 20 :)
You: well thats nice
You: things were a lot easier when i was 20
You: Life is a lot smoother at that age
You: I remember this one time when i was 20, my friend once got raped
You: It was brutal
You: wanna hear the story?
Stranger: no
You: yeah me either, it was pretty sad
Stranger: no more rape
You: Oh, it was the same story
Stranger: just sex
You: I'm lost?
You: So you're a 20 year old chick who wants some sex with a 54 year old man.
You: I think its more likely you're a 42 year old man who wants sex with anything
You: YOU FREAK!
Stranger: I want no sex with you
Stranger: i havea boyfriend
Stranger: sorry
Stranger: I mean to say no more rape, just sex
You: Ohhhh
You: you want sex stories?
Stranger: no
You: Sorry, i get a little upset about sick middle aged men
Stranger: sorry my englulish is dumb sometimes
You: anyway, my first wife and I
You: we would do some crazy things
You: This one time she tied me up and didn't feed me for three days
You: Bondage
You: gotta love it
Stranger: 4chan /b/tard
-
That was amazing. I love calling people out on things when people make smiley faces or say lol. It is just great.
Well, let me take a break from my Twilight Zone marathon to get my omegle on. Gimme a few minutes.
-
Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hey there
Stranger: dsfasdfgdsz
You: yes indeedy
Stranger: lkmfvfndl,
You: at least that was the dog's point of view
Stranger: from
You: new zealand
You: you?
Stranger: turkey
You: you want to "gobble" on my cock for a bit?
Stranger: idiot
You: you would know
You: you're from the middle east
You: they practically breed idiots over there
Stranger: yes
Stranger: lşfdsgs
You: at least I can spell words
You: your sand people language angers me
Stranger: mal
You: you speaking spanish now turkey man?
Stranger: yes
You: I swear to God that I will give you a basting to last a lifetime
Stranger: konus
Stranger: türkçe bilionmu
You: You taste like burger. I don't like you anymore.
You have disconnected.
-
I have no idea what happened here.
Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Stop! You have violated the law. Pay the court a fine or serve your sentence.Your stolen goods are now forfeit.
You: All my base belong to you?
Stranger: Stop! You have violated the law. Pay the court a fine or serve your sentence.Your stolen goods are now forfeit.
You: All my base belong to you?
Stranger: STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM
You: All my base belong to you?
Stranger: The game.
Your conversational partner has disconnected
-
For my Final Fantasy X fans out there.
Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hey there
You: asl
Stranger: hi
Stranger: you first :D
You: 16/m/Zanarkand
You: you?
Stranger: 18/m/indonesia
Stranger: where is zanarkand?
You: It is pretty far north. Just past Mt. Gagazet
Stranger: ooh okay
Stranger: it must be cold out there
You: it's okay. we stay pretty warm playing Blitzball!
You: do you have Blitzball?
Stranger: nope
Stranger: actually, i dont what blitball is
Stranger: can you tell me?
You: it's an underwater sport that is sort of like soccer
Stranger: whoa underwater?
Stranger: cool
You: it is sort of like a religion where I come from
You: it's funny because the Ronso of Gagazet think they are good at Blitzball, but their fur just makes them get waterlogged
You: it's really funny
Stranger: hahaha
Stranger: do you know where indonesia is?
You: that's where all the monkey's live right?
Stranger: yeah.. the orangutan
You: isn't it near Besaid?
You: or is that Kilika Island?
Stranger: no
Stranger: do you know bali?
You: Is that where the Thunder Plains are?
Stranger: waht is thunder plains?
Stranger: indonesia is located in south east asia
You: the THunder Plains are where it strikes lightning all the time. The Al Behd have set up lightning towers there now so it isn't as dangerous anymore
You: Their machina used to be a little scary, but you get used to it
You: LOL!
Stranger: ooooh wow
Stranger: cool
Stranger: LOL
Stranger: sorry i have to go now
Stranger: see you
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
-
Stranger: turkey
You: you want to "gobble" on my cock for a bit?
Stranger: idiot
You: you would know
You: you're from the middle east
You: they practically breed idiots over there
You: your sand people language angers me
Wow. This is really hilarious shit. I'll assume you're not serious and bigot, but damn, "sand people". I'll have to remember that one.
-
Just to clarify, I am most definitely the farthest thing from a biggot. I don't want to come off as racist, I just play one on the internet from time to time.
-
For America!
Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hi
Stranger: hi, stranger
Stranger: i can't see your face. You are boy or girl?
You: I'm a girl
You: you?
Stranger: good to see you here
Stranger: i'm a boy
You: age?
Stranger: 23
You: where do you live?
Stranger: u?
You: 18
Stranger: in russia
You: soviet russia?
Stranger: :)))
Stranger: no, russian federation)
Stranger: and u?
You: I heard that where you're from, car drives you
You: is that true?
Stranger: hm...) it's wrong
Stranger: i heard it about usa
You: do you know about Ivan Drago?
You: he was a famous Russian boxer
Stranger: no, who is it?
You: famous
You: Russian
You: boxer
Stranger: i know Kostya Tszyu
Stranger: Valuev, Povetkin and the others
You: Ivan Drago got his ass beat
You: do you know who beat his ass?
Stranger: Mohammed Ali?)
You: Rocky Mother Fucking Balboa from the good 'ole US of A!
Stranger: haha
You: and on this day, this Independence Day, I would like to hang my head in rememberance of that fight.
Stranger: it's in the past, yankee)
You: true, but how many great things can Russia say they actually did?
You: vodka and boring books
Stranger: haha)
You: that's all I think of when I think of Russia
You: I suppose that I should thank the Russians for Animal Farm. So, thanks.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
-
I keep telling myself to stop, but I can't!
Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hi
Stranger: hey
You: 16 f fl here
Stranger: 19 m florida..
You: where at?
Stranger: I don't give specifics hun..
You: okaaaayyyy
You: why?
Stranger: because that's just how I am.
You: you a fag?
Stranger: no.
You: seems like a fag thing to me
Stranger: Eh, well I'm not one. Just rather not give out to much information.
You: because you like a dick in your ass
You: I got it
You: no big deal
Stranger: dick in my ass? no.
Stranger: I have a girlfriend, gosh.
You: if you're not a homo, then why don't you cyber fuck me?
Stranger: because I find cybersex really retarded.
You: because you like a dick in your ass
You: you like guys to suck your dick
You: got it
Stranger: I don't like a fucken dick in my ass you fucken cuntface.
You: that isn't nice
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
-
Oh yes, it's so good to see your triumphant return master of the Omegle.
Just a short on to start the day
Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: Howdy
Stranger: from?
You: Australia
You: you?
Stranger: s.korea
You: Ohhh great
Stranger: nice
You: Is that the one with the lady boys?
Stranger: ?
You: wait... s.korea.... is that the one with the lady boys? Or the homicidal dictator?
Stranger: lady boys
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
-
Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: hey
You: greetings!
Stranger: how's it going?
You: not bad
You: sick of being asked for sex
You: you?
Stranger: hah, I never get tired of that, but I'm doing swell
Stranger: just got home
You: where were you?
Stranger: work
You: where do you work?
Stranger: NASA
You: that's sweet~
Stranger: yeah, it's fun
You: what do you do there?
Stranger: I'm a spacecraft engineer
Stranger: The NASA center I work at, JPL, does all the major unmanned NASA stuff
Stranger: like the rovers
Stranger: so I do that
You: that's really amazing
You: where is JPL?
Stranger: Near LA
Stranger: I live in LA
You: wow. that is really amazing
You: how old are you?
Stranger: 23
You: no way! and you work at NASA?
Stranger: yup
You: and here I thought they only hired people who were old enough for an engineering degree
Stranger: I have several engineering degrees
You: oh several huh?
Stranger: Well
Stranger: Two degrees
Stranger: one's actually in physics
Stranger: the masters is in Aero/Astro Engineering
You: you must be super smart!
Stranger: nah, just got a good smile
You: you must be, like, Doogie Howser smart
Stranger: How, no where near Doogie Howser smart. If so, I'd be picking up sexy nurses.
You: well, where do you think I work?
Stranger: No idea
Stranger: where do you work?
You: IN A FUCKING HOSPITAL!!!!
You: OMG!!!! AND YOU HAVE TOTALLY PICKED ME UP!!!!
You: what do you look like?
Stranger: hah, Italianish, brown hair and eyes
You: mmm . . . i like eyes
You: how tall?
Stranger: 5'8
You: how . . .um . . . how do I put this delicately?
You: how . . . BIG . . . are you?
Stranger: Do you just want a pic? jeese
You: sure!
You: send away!
Stranger: http://photos-h-9.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v204/106/123/207119/n207119_33334919_6027.jpg
You: what I meant was . . . how big is your . . . ?
You: very hot pic btw
Stranger: oh, haha, I'm not sending you a pic of that, but while I'm not the type of dude to take a ruler to it, probably 9 in hard.
You: oooohhhh shiiiiitttt!
You: goddamn, I have to have a piece of you!
Stranger: haha
Stranger: I'm available
You: mmmm . . . well, let's go ahead and get this on then
Stranger: Well, where are you located?
You: let's practice on here first
You: ;)
You: what would you do to me?
Stranger: Hah, maybe in second here.
Stranger: I still have a couple questions for you
Stranger: First
Stranger: Let's not be rude
Stranger: I am Anthony. What is your name?
You: My name is Terry
Stranger: And Terry, how old are you?
You: what does that matter?
Stranger: Terry, don't be coy
Stranger: If you were 12 or 45 it would matter a lot
You: I'm actually 42
Stranger: Hah, okay, not a deal braker for this, but don't be so evasive
Stranger: Do you have a pic, Terry?
You: yeah
You: let me pull it up
You: http://panachereport.com/channels/sensual%20intelligence/sorsql-1.jpeg
You: so? what do you think?
Stranger: Haha
Stranger: So, you're gay?
You: yeah. aren't you?
Stranger: Haha, no
You: so what?
You: you're fucking judging me?
Stranger: No, bud, I'm just not gay
You: wait . . . you . . . thought I was a woman?
Stranger: Yeah
You: Oh that is fucking rich! Really fucking Donald Twump (Elmer Fudd) rich!
You: just because I am a nurse, I must be a fucking woman huh?
Stranger: And attracted to dudes. Together, they painted a bit of a story
Stranger: It's cool dude, my best friend is gay.
You: I'm not your fucking best friend! We just met!
You: I gave you my heart and you shot me down!
Stranger: Haha
You: How can we be fucking friends!?
Stranger: I guess you're right. Things probably won't work out between us.
You: Oh, so that's it then huh?
You: You fucking homo-hater!
You: HOMOPHOBE!
You: BIGOT!
Stranger: I don't hate gays. Just fags. And, Terry, you're being a fag.
You: No, I'm just sick off guys like you
You: I don't want a "guy"
You: I want a "man" who will take care of me instead of jerking me around
Stranger: You're totally right. That's what you deserve Terry.
You: Goddammit Anthony.
You: You fucking know we're right for each other
Stranger: Maybe in another world. A world where I like having sex with men in the butt. Terry, worry not, you'll find your dude.
You: I mean, if a 23 year old engineer from NASA can't make it with a 42 year old gay nurse, then what hope is there in the world? I mean, what fucking hope?
You: Face facts Tony, you're 23! You miraculously have been gifted with two degrees in engineering (WHICH IS FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE!) and you can't face your feelings right now?
Stranger: Haha
You: I mean, you said the age range was 12 to 45, well, Tony, this is the internet and I can change!
You: If you want me to, I will become a 14 year old girl if that is what it takes to fucking keep you here with me!
Stranger: Terry, why don't you go to a gay bar or something
Stranger: Be social
Stranger: Stop being creepy on the internet, and hang with some people
You: why would I go to a gay bar? Those places are icky! I like to go bowling like all 14 year old girls
You: wanna finger me for my first time?
Stranger: Terry, stop being a retard. The ages I gave were hyperbole.
Stranger: You're one more creepy thing away from a disconnection
You: BUSTED!
You: MY NAME IS CHRIS HANSON AND I'M FROM DATELINE AND YOU'VE BEEN CAUGHT TRYING TO HAVE SEX WITH A 14 YEAR OLD!
Stranger: OH NOES!
You: what do you have to say for yourself you sick, perverted (AND CLEARLY LYING ABOUT NASA) asshole?
Stranger: Haha, you're a retard.
You: ALL HAIL THE REIGN OF THE CATHARTIC LOBSTER!
You: ALL HAIL THE GLORY AND MAJESTY OF HIS MAJESTIC MOUNTAINS!
You: ALL HAIL THE GREAT ONE WHOSE FACE IS MADE OF ENTRAILS!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
-
You: MY NAME IS CHRIS HANSON AND I'M FROM DATELINE AND YOU'VE BEEN CAUGHT TRYING TO HAVE SEX WITH A 14 YEAR OLD!
Stranger: OH NOES!
You: what do you have to say for yourself you sick, perverted (AND CLEARLY LYING ABOUT NASA) asshole?
Stranger: Haha, you're a retard.
You: ALL HAIL THE REIGN OF THE CATHARTIC LOBSTER!
You: ALL HAIL THE GLORY AND MAJESTY OF HIS MAJESTIC MOUNTAINS!
You: ALL HAIL THE GREAT ONE WHOSE FACE IS MADE OF ENTRAILS!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
That's absolutely brilliant.
I challenge anyone to make a stranger say "Frog Snatch" without using either of those words.
-
Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: hi
You: I NEED HELP!
Stranger: ok
Stranger: i brazilian?
You: I have a very rare form of dracon-lues and can't stop scratching my inner thighs
You: I've been scratching for almost 7 minutes and can't stop until you type something but I can't tell you what it is...
Stranger: lol
You: actually no...
You: not lol
You: please help?
Stranger: lol
Stranger: ok
You: might I remind you, not lol
Stranger: kkkk
You: name type of amphibian
Stranger: vc me faz rir
You: crap I'm starting to bleed a little
Stranger: amphibian
Stranger: ?
You: "ribbit" kinda like a grippli but a lot less humonoid
You: humanoid*
Stranger: ok
Stranger: nossa cara tu é muito doido
Stranger: crazi
You: grr.... what says "ribbit"?
Stranger: coelho neh
Stranger: sei
Stranger: fale me mais dessa coceira
You: shut your cockholster and help me, dammit, I'm in pain from the dracon lues!
Stranger: help yes
You: what says ribbit?
Stranger: 1 minute
Stranger: crazy
You: i don't think you understand.
You: I have dragon syphilis and can't stop scratching until you type what I need you to type, sir/madam/gender neutral cyborg.
You: name an animal like a toad, please now.
Stranger: not espeak inglish
Stranger: sorry
Stranger: vc é muito doido kkk
Stranger: chora no buneco
Stranger: oi que sucesse
Stranger: que gracinha
Stranger: chupaa
Stranger: Brazil >>>>>Obama
You: gimme a second to stop the bleeding. BRB
Stranger: gimme a second to stop the bleeding. ???
Stranger: god sex ?
You: rã pouquinho in english?
Stranger: kkkkkkk
Stranger: vc é muito doido cara sangramento sifilis dragão kkkk
Stranger: de onde tu tirou isso ?
You: sapo?
Stranger: é pow sapo
Stranger: é nois
Stranger: you woman?
Stranger: coceira nas coxas kkkk
You: please translate sapo buceta to english to stop my suffering, yes I am a woman if it means you'll quit dicking about and say it!
Stranger: dick king?
You: sapo?
Stranger: sapo em inglish? como é vc quer saber?
You: in english
Stranger: vou ver aki 1 minute
You: yes yes, very well, my little pop tart.
Stranger: pop tart azedo?
Stranger: sapo english = toad
You: or?
Stranger: frog or paddock?
Stranger: paddock?
Stranger: frog?
You: YES
You: YES
Stranger: lol
You: now translate pouquinho or buceta
Stranger: little pussy
Stranger: pussy?
Stranger: pussy = buceta
You: another word for pussy
Stranger: tem orkut
Stranger: bichano
Stranger: piriquita = buceta = pussy
You: another name for pussy
Stranger: piriquita = buceta = xereca = vagina = perereca
You: www.imdb.com/title/tt0208092/
Stranger: it is virus?
You: no, it's the word I need you to say
You: who would say yes to that anyway, champ?
You: I like it when the red water comes out (still scratching here)
Stranger: 1 minute
Stranger: i look
Stranger: why do you want me to vote
You: no, don't vote, what's the name of the movie?
Stranger: Unscrupulous boxing promoters, violent bookmakers, a Russian gangster, incompetent amateur robbers, and supposedly Jewish jewelers fight to track down a priceless stolen diamond.
You: movie name?
You: ciname nome
Stranger: Snatch?
You: YES!!!
You: now say the words together
You: please!!!
Stranger: 1 minute
Stranger: but do not understand and give
You: sapo + cinema nome ==
Stranger:
word which joins
Stranger: sapo cinema nome?
You: say the two words together to help me! I don't want to die
Stranger: frog movie name
You: grrr... try again
Stranger: frog name the movie?
You: sapo + http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0208092/
Stranger: frogSnatch.?
You: YES!!!!
You: YES
You: SI
You: YES!!!!!! For The Win lol :3!!!!
You: say it again!!!!
Stranger: and now the itching stopped?
You: yes I
You: I'm cured of the dragon syphilis!!!
You: And I'm a man again!
Stranger: kkkkkkkk
You: Now I need a cigarette and a blowjob
Stranger: you crazy?
Stranger: blowjob
?
Stranger: for a blowjob?
Stranger: broche = blowjob
Stranger: ?
Stranger: scratching his anus
Stranger: This scratching your ass
Stranger: suck pussy?
You: GAME OVER
Stranger: kkkk
Stranger: you very crazy
Stranger: lol
Stranger: lololololololo
You have disconnected.
-
Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: Hello
Stranger: hi
You: Sorry having one arm makes me a rather slow typer
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
-
Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: I 19yo Russian gay boy looking for friend to jack off with
You: I'm a psychotic 25 yo American looking for someone to fit in my freezer.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
3425 users online
Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: greetings and salutations
Stranger: hey
You: submit your name for a chance to win one of our great prizes
You: plz?
Stranger: oh...no...
You: oh...indeed...
Stranger: whats ur job?
You: ur job does not compute
Stranger: ok...not chat this
Stranger: i am student
You: i am friend of human: student
Stranger: human?
Stranger: i like
Stranger: oh...sorry
You: Hello, friend: like/student what is your function?
Stranger: .........
Stranger: u?
You: submit your name for a chance to win one of our great prizes
Stranger: Can not read
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You: student == fail
You: /end
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
-
Sorry for the nasty doubleposting, but alcohol demands it... much like Coddowalshagoth demands pit slaves:
Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: Is it safe?
Stranger: yup : )
You: you're certain?
Stranger: yup : )
Stranger: i m not freak
You: Damn, you chatbot, I demand compliance, is it safe?
You: Coddowalshagoth requires it's safety.
Stranger: yup
You: grr....I cannot trust you or your emoticon minions, dig for Coddowalshagoth!!!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
-
Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: Hello
Stranger: hi
You: Sorry having one arm makes me a rather slow typer
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
That is the best ever. I love it when one comment can make someone disconnect.
-
Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: I'm so sorry!
Stranger: for?
You: I understand if you don't want to talk about it.
Stranger: Actually yeah, I don't want to talk about it thank you for understanding
You: I here to help.
Stranger: so hows your gonorrhea?
You: delicious
Stranger: You're nasty, bye :)
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
-
I swear my addiction knows no bounds:
Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: hi
You: *offers candy
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
-
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: hello
Stranger: where you at :)
You: hello are you chinese?
Stranger: yeah i am actually
You: can you help me with my homework?
You: or my taxes?
You: i'll buy you stilts
Stranger: ngaw thanks
Stranger: can i shit on your face and fuck your mum ?
Stranger: jerk
You: me
You: off
Stranger: you wish skinny white boy
Stranger: go and die in a hole
You: but if i dig a hole to die in, won't i just pop up in your living room?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
-
onnecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: .
You: ..
You: ....
You: .....
You: ......
You: ....
You: ...
You: ..
You: .
Stranger: hey
You: sup!
Stranger: yeh
You: word!
Stranger: what?
You: how?
Stranger: what how?
You: how what word!
Stranger: what are u talking about
Stranger: from?
You: same thing you are. new mexico
You: you?
Stranger: i'm korean
You: nice. republic?
Stranger: ok
Stranger: south
You: ahhh. oh kay. good jobs out there?
Stranger: out there?
You: in korea?
Stranger: ok
You: yeah!
Stranger: why?
You: donky?
Stranger: what it means?
You: so i hear your ass smells of one thousand dicks is this true?
Stranger: u crazy?
You: verry and sooooo horny!
You: wanna make it 1001 dicks?
Stranger: fuck off
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: hi
You: hello
Stranger: how r u?
You: scared! excited! and dark.
Stranger: what happened?
You: i was attacked last night while in my bed!
Stranger: oh,are you ok?
You: im...... changed.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
-
short and sweet
Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: hi :)
You: will you be my mommy?
Stranger: yes <3
You: well in that case, i need a diaper change and you owe 21 years worth of child support.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
-
I finally got one.
You: hello!
Stranger: big clits. yes or no?
You: yesss
Stranger: would you like to suck on mine?
You: nooooo
Stranger: why not?
You: I'm chewing gum
Stranger: spit the gum down my throat
Stranger: so i can puke it up into your urethra
Stranger: and then
You: no no, its grape!
Stranger: when you put your penis inside me, it'll shoot into my vagina
You: i had a blowpop earlier
Stranger: and then youll fist it out
Stranger: and stick it on my gigantic clitoris
Stranger: and we can both chew on it
You: Hmmn
You: sounds kind of alright.
You: exept i really want the gum for myself
You: i'm more of a lonely intimate kind of guy
Stranger: hmm, how intimate? do you play with your johnson a lot?
You: i mean baybe
You: *baby
Stranger: you have a baby?
You: i play with my baby alot
You: elmo in grouchland is our fav
Stranger: you like playing with babies?
You: yeah they have wonderful joy holes
Stranger: yeah i bet theyre nice and tight.
You: you betcha!
Stranger: i hope you are kidding. if not, you are FUCKED
-your partner has disconnected
-
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: hello
Stranger: where you at :)
You: hello are you chinese?
Stranger: yeah i am actually
You: can you help me with my homework?
You: or my taxes?
You: i'll buy you stilts
Stranger: ngaw thanks
Stranger: can i shit on your face and fuck your mum ?
Stranger: jerk
You: me
You: off
Stranger: you wish skinny white boy
Stranger: go and die in a hole
You: but if i dig a hole to die in, won't i just pop up in your living room?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Oh wow . . . amazing.
-
Stranger: Hello, I'm a horny male from the Netherlands,and you?
You: I have hardcore herpes from the DK
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
...Except I'm Canadian. Not Danish :D
-
Hey check this out ;)
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hi
Stranger: Hello. Why don't you use capitalization?
You: cause...
Stranger: Because why?
You: because i feel like it...
Stranger: Why do you feel like it, though?
You: why do you care?
You: You cuntlicker...
Stranger: Because capitalization (and punctuation) makes words pretty.
Stranger: Also, I lick only the finest of cunts, so that's not an insult to me.
You: I bet you lick your own too
Stranger: I would definitely try if I had one.
Stranger: Probably fail, too. I am not that flexible.
You: Are you a bot???
Stranger: Do I sound like a bot to you?
You: Yes...
Stranger: Well, I'm not.
Stranger: Bots are not this advanced.
Stranger: This isn't any Will Smith I Robot shit.
You: i believe you
You: robots don't say shit
You: asl?
Stranger: They should.
Stranger: I do not see why this is relevant, but 16/M/PA.
Stranger: I'm not going to cyber, if that's what you're thinking.
You: okay fine ill write in capitals
You: and im a guy too
Stranger: Not all capitals.
You: not gay...
Stranger: I've seen that joke before.
You: and yes all capitals
You: HI
Stranger: Dammit.
Stranger: Still better, I think.
Stranger: Hello.
You: OKAY....
You: HEY!
Stranger: Hey.
You: sO, WHAT'S UP?
Stranger: WHU-OH YOU FAILED YOUR ALL CAPS THING
See how she gets pissed at the end?
-
"Stranger: I do not see why this is relevant, but 16/M/PA."
See how she gets pissed at the end?
she gets pissed at the end?
she gets pissed
she
-
Hey, check this one out!!!
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: wanna cyber?
Stranger: Hello, I'm the Omeglebot!
Stranger: Hell yesh!
You: ok
You: m or f?
Stranger: Let me put on my cybercondom.
You: m or f?
Stranger: Um... if you're not bright enough to know by now, I'm not wasting my SPERM on you.
Stranger: HINT HINT.
Stranger: Cybersperm of course.
You: i know
Stranger: You know?
You: so i'm gonna shart all over you and leave you panting for more and staring at my hard cunt, you fucking homo cuntlicker...
Stranger: Oh shit.
Stranger: I'm arroused.
You: wanna see it ooze some more?
Stranger: Why not.
Stranger: WAIT. You should get that rash checked out by a doctor.
Stranger: I'm not fucking touching that.
You: i slide your cyberzipper down your cyberpants
Stranger: Go get tested.
You: and put it in your cock
You: now you have genital herpes!!!
Stranger: NO. Get tested. Then call me.
Stranger: NOOOO.
You: Oops, the period monsters calling...
You: there we go,,,
Stranger: But it's only a mild form of dormant cyberherpies.
Stranger: So it's all good.
You: you have a cyber period on you
Stranger: Ew, get it off.
You: its cyber
Stranger: Why is it black?
You: and you can't delete it
Stranger: Whatthefuck.
Stranger: Your blood is black, what the hell, man.
Stranger: ...or woman.
You: i slide my huge breasts up and down your cock
Stranger: Oh, that's nice.
You: and start sucking it
Stranger: Cool, cool, that's always a party.
You: we roll over on your bed
You: in the mars space station
Stranger: I have a twin so... not too far.
Stranger: Or we'll fall off.
Stranger: And then you'll be knocked out and...
Stranger: on second though, you first.
You: ok
You: I dismember your penis and jump through the window
Stranger: Good thing I have a backup cyberpenis in my harddrive.
Stranger: So the joke's on you.
You: i stalk you and get your backup
You: you really wanna see my ass?
You: for real?
Stranger: But I have THAT backed up on a disk drive in Ohio.
Stranger: No, it's fat.
You: really
Stranger: Stop eating.
You: type tubgirl on google images
You: my ass is amazing
Stranger: It's only going to your ass because you know he doesn't like you.
You: oh really...
Stranger: So you sit in front of the fridge every day and just eat everything in sight untill your ass is HUGE.
Stranger: Then you can't fit out the door so that makes you depressed and you eat even more.
You: i suck so hard your DISMEMBERED cock sperms all over me
Stranger: That's cool. But...
Stranger: you left your vagina over here.
Stranger: So I'm keeping it.
Stranger: Forever.
You: i've landed in ohio to see your other cock
You: through concorde
Stranger: You vaginaless monkey.
You: i put your backup cybercock on
You: i'm a shemale!!!
Stranger: I hope you're having fun.
You: i orgasm on my self
You: whoops, now its sperm
You: i forgot
Stranger: Well anyways, this was all part of a segment for a new Dateline series with Christopher Mast! The members of our show are tracing your I.P. and will be there in moments!
Stranger: Good day, ma'm!
You: That's nice
You: bye!!!
-
took this person FOREVER
Stranger: helllo
You: hi there
Stranger: helllllloooooooo agian
Stranger: again
You: are you a midget?
Stranger: yeaaoowwwwww
Stranger: hw did ya know that?
You: lucky guess
You: are you in the circus?
Stranger: no i am retarted...
Stranger: not so lucky this time..
Stranger: and wat abt u?
You: can you read people's minds?
Stranger: no not at all..
Stranger: what are u ....... a good for nothing?
You: yeah kinda
Stranger: lemme guess...
Stranger: u r bad at studies,,,,..and not good looking..
You: more
Stranger: hah,,,...u have sm kind f abnormality?
You: yeah, guess it
Stranger: two dicks or chick with a dick?
You: first one!
Stranger: haha....good for u..
You: but they are not mine...
Stranger: hmm...guess u tore them apart frm sm 1?
You: i don't understand...
Stranger: if they are not urs...then they are sm1 elses...rite?
You: yes they are
Stranger: so u must have taken it frm them..
You: no, i didn't take anythign from anyone
You: i'm a good girl
Stranger: hmm...
Stranger: so u were born with two dicks?
You: no
You: it started happening when i turned 14
Stranger: wow,,,....lucky u...
Stranger: u dont need anyone else to enjoy..
Stranger: just twist and turn it into ur hole....o:
You: uhm, i have been getting gang banged every day of my life since my 14th birthday
Stranger: sooo sad...
Stranger: are u a captive?
You: no
Stranger: then what ...tell ur parents..
Stranger: abt it
You: i can't
Stranger: hmm...y?
You: uh
You: cause they would kill me
You: not literally
Stranger: for what getting banged forcefully?
You: no it's not forcefully
Stranger: oh...so u enjoy it...
You: kinda
You: sometimes
Stranger: then whats the problem here?
You: uh
You: i don't think they enjoy it...
Stranger: what the fuck??...then y do they bang u?
You: ...i ask them to?
Stranger: then whats ur problem????....u ask them...they dont like....then either u stop asking./..
Stranger: or u stop feeling bad abt them not liking
You: they don't understand me
Stranger: wtf.??...seriously are u making this up...or are u really that out f ur mind?
You: i'm not making this up
You: and i'm not crazy
Stranger: okay...so what do want to make them understand..?
Stranger: btw i know u r making this up...but still its intresting...
You: well one's my brother
You: is that bad?
Stranger: hahaha....
Stranger: now bring a uncle or ur father into picture that'll make it more intresting!!
You: hey, you guessed it!
You: the other one's my uncle
Stranger: wow...what abt ur father ...does hi sit there enjoying watching u??
You: no, he just goes outside and roasts marshmallows all night
You: you like marshmallows?
Stranger: no we dont eat marshmallows in this part of the world...
You: what part?
Stranger: india
Stranger: u?
You: uh, i'm from atlanta
Stranger: hmm..
Stranger: so continue..
Stranger: what then...
You: why don't you have marshmallows?
Stranger: well....
Stranger: i dont know y?...
Stranger: i mean i exactly dont know what they are..
Stranger: they are shrubs rite?
You: no
You: they are white
Stranger: ya the shape of mushrooms..?
You: uhm, i don't think so...
Stranger: okay okay...
Stranger: i remember
Stranger: they are sugar cubes?
You: close enough...?
You: they are sticky
Stranger: hmm...yeah...i have had those...just call'em by a diffrent name...
Stranger: here//..
Stranger: and btw i hate sweeet things...
Stranger: and especially those whch are sweet..
Stranger: u like them?
You: i leik mudkipz.
Stranger: me too...:)
Stranger: so what do u do srsly?
You: i, i play the bassoon.
Stranger: now wat the hell is a bassoon?
Stranger: violin?
You: no
Stranger: umm smthing similar?
You: not really
Stranger: i have heard of it,,i think
Stranger: surely got strings
You: no it has keys
You: it's a woodwind instrument
Stranger: watever...
Stranger: i play drums..
Stranger: but not vryy good
Stranger: just kindda hobbie..
You: do you like satanic music? just curious
Stranger: well..no...
Stranger: i prefer....pop...and light rock..
You: oh
Stranger: not into the heavy metal stuff...
You: this one time, i was playing the bassoon for my mom
You: and i was playing satanic songs
You: and she got mad
You: and scared
You: and She said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air'
I begged and pleaded with her day after day
But she packed my suite case and send me on my way
She gave me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket.
I put my walkman on and said, 'I might as well kick it'.
First class, yo this is bad
Drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass.
Is this what the people of Bel-Air Living like?
Hmmmmm this might be alright.
But wait I hear there're prissy, wine all that
Is Bel-Air the type of place they send this cool cat?
I don't think sow
I'll see when I get there
I hope they're prepared for the prince of Bel-Air
Well, the plane landed and when I came out
There was a dude who looked like a cop standing there with my name out
I ain't trying to get arrested
I just got here
I sprang with the quickness like lightening, disappeared
I whistled for a cab and when it came near
The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror
If anything I can say this cab is rare
But I thought 'Now forget it' - 'Yo homes to Bel Air'
I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8
And I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later'
I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air
Stranger: wow!!>.////will take me a few minutes to read it all..!!!
You: lol n00b
Stranger: hmm..u can write...
Stranger: do u read a lot f novels?
You: yeah
Stranger: wat kinda novels do u prefer?
You: the ones with candlejack. they are interestin-
Stranger: what candlejack?..
Stranger: i mainly prefer....fantasy novels//..
Stranger: have u read the twilight saga?
Stranger: u dere?
Stranger: okay,...i'll be going..
Stranger: bye...
Stranger: nice toking to u...:)
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
-
sorry for the german...i can't get any americans for some reason. ...i think this guy may have been trolling me...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey lady will you marry me?
You: maybe!
You: where are you from!
You: ?
Stranger: germany
Stranger: u?
You: germany also!
You: can i being my dog?
You: *bring
Stranger: lol
Stranger: ja kannst du
You: ...can i bring my television set?
Stranger: du darfst.
Stranger: was für ein hund ist es?
You: it is a weenie dog
You: can i bring my girlfriend?
Stranger: w0000000000000000000000t?
Stranger: moment
Stranger: aber sicher!
You: ich verstehe nicht...ich kann nuer ein bisschen deutsch verstanden...
Stranger: lol then youre not from germany!
Stranger: you lied to me, wife!
You: i am, i'm an american citizen but i live in germany!
You: so can i bring my girlfriend?
Stranger: really?
Stranger: sure you can
Stranger: if youre a lady!
Stranger: you really do?
Stranger: where?
You: :D
You: can i bring her aborted fetus?
Stranger: where do you live?
You: schwandorf
You: can i bring the fetus along too?
Stranger: no. thats too much.
You: it's in a jar...
You: it's frozen in this cool position doing the peace sign.
Stranger: oh. then its ok. bring it on.
Stranger: more things you wanna bring?
You: yeah...
You: i have quite an extensive collection of people's hair i've collected on the subway
You: can i bring also?
You: (they are in plastic bags).
Stranger: yes you can. but only in bags
You: and i have my ex-boyfriend's dead mother's ashes...can i bring those?
Stranger: yes yes... put it to the fetus
You: uh...maybe that's something we can do later...
You: also, can i bring my grandfather?
Stranger: yes. but hes gotta leave the room if we have sex. ok?
You: why?
You: he's been there every other time...
Stranger: yes... but i want things to become better.
Stranger: a new life.
Stranger: burn the ashes!
You: uhm, can i bring my hairdresser?
Stranger: sure. but dont plug it in while im bathing
You: uh, i don't think i can plug her in but okay.
You: can i bring my penis enlarger pump?
Stranger: you can
Stranger: why do you got one
`?
You: i want to be like black guys.
Stranger: but... you are a woman!
You: am i?
Stranger: yes
You: achso.
Stranger: or i gotta kill you
Stranger: cuz you lied then
You: kill me with what?
Stranger: the fetus
You: achso.
Stranger: and the penis pump
You: i'm a woman.
You: but...i'm only 13....ist das okay?
Stranger: sure
Stranger: sure
You: okay.
Stranger: when do we marry?
You: uhm, you pick.
Stranger: 2 hrs
Stranger: münchen
Stranger: ok?
You: i can't i'm at school.
You: pick a different day please....?
You: (i have basketball practice after this then i have to go work out then i have to play halo)
Stranger: halo?
You: xbox 360?
You: can i bring that?
You: i have battletoads!
Stranger: youre too young!
Stranger: halo is evil!
Stranger: and your a woman!
You: i'm a guy actually...
Stranger: you are not allowed to play it
Stranger: no.youre not. never
You: but it's cool, i'm gay
You: so i can pretend to be your wife
You: is it still okay? can i bring my toaster?
Stranger: no. the toaster is where it ends.
Stranger: i cant take that.
Stranger: enough.
You: okay...i'll leave the toaster
Stranger: i wanna get divorced!
You: uhm,
You: you didn't sign no pre-nupt so i get half yer shit you cheatin bastard!
Stranger: i burnt it all
You: hmm, okay.
You: you wanna go get some coffee?
You: after halo?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
-
i think i fail epically in both those. i will try again. :D
-
Well, THIS is promising... I tried it for the very first time and this is what happens.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: horny f..??
You: that couldn't be further from the truth
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
-
So... I tried it about 5 more times and got almost the exact same interaction as the first.
Finally, I got a change of pace and my sense of humor / conversation drove them away...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hello
Stranger: from? hi
You: Please tell me you're not some random horny guy trolling for random horny girls.. That's all I seem to have found so far.
You: haha
Stranger: no
You: It's a miracle!!!
Stranger: yes :)
You: Let me guess... You've come across the same problem too?
Stranger: exactly
You: I mean, don't get me wrong... I'm a guy (which, inherrently, makes me horny by default) But that's not why I use this.
You: haha
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
-
fagit vvvvv
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: ey asl
You: no u!
Stranger: nop you :d
You: aw man, why do i have to go first?
You: you go first.
You: fine
You: 15/f/usa
You: now it's ur turn
Stranger: well im 14 b in denmark
You: b?
You: wussat?
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: boy
You: achso
Stranger: ?
You: i'm older than you!
Stranger: yeup
Stranger: :D
Stranger: :D
You: my boyfriend's 22 though...
You: he's older than you also!!
You: :D
Stranger: 22!
Stranger: and youre 15!
You: yep.
You: he's in the army.
You: :D
Stranger: sad
You: what do you do?
Stranger: fiine :D
Stranger: listen to music
You: for money?
Stranger: oh
Stranger: like a job?
You: yes, like a job.
Stranger: im lazy... i dont got any
You: uh huh.
You: well, you should get some money.
Stranger: im fine :d
Stranger: the old ones got
You: uh huh.
You: well, girls like guys with money.
You: you should get some money boy.
Stranger: in dk they dont think like that..
Stranger: thats the look
You: ?
You: every guy i've ever slept with had tons of money, cept my boyfriend of course.
You: and i loved it
You: :D
Stranger: lol
Stranger: are you a playEr`?
You: no...
You: but some of the guys i fucked were...
Stranger: every guy i've ever slept with had tons of money, cept my boyfriend of course. -.--
You: yeah...that makes me a slut, not a player...
Stranger: ;P
You: lol
You: it's cool
You: i understand
Stranger: :D
Stranger: i havent yet :D
You: i know.
You: cause you don't have any money silly!
Stranger: nah..
You: why then?
You: do you like pokemon or something?
Stranger: haha..
Stranger: nop
Stranger: ..
Stranger: im just not a player..
You: you don't have to be a player to do it with someone lol.
Stranger: or 1 that fucks with every1 and do every1 sad
You: i don't do it with everyone
You: only guys with money.
Stranger: every guy i've ever slept with had tons of money, cept my boyfriend of course.
Stranger: Every..
Stranger: sound like many
You: only like 23, that's not that much.
You: my sister has fucked about 1,000 guys.
Stranger: yeye sure..
Stranger: well i dont belive
You: okay maybe not that many but a lot.
Stranger: 1000 is very many..
Stranger: what kind of music y like?
You: all kinds.
You: what about you?
Stranger: hmm
Stranger: most rock
Stranger: .. :D
Stranger: but also tecno
Stranger: some..
Stranger: to party i hear tecno ofc
You: can you play any instruments boy?
Stranger: Nop :D
You: you should learn
You: girls will like you and probably do it with you
Stranger: haha does you?
You: no
Stranger: well..
Stranger: thats not how girls in denmark is.
You: girls in denmark eh?
You: do they cook for men?
Stranger: umm im only 14 ffs
You: ffs?
You: wussat?
Stranger: for fuck sake
You: oh
You: you shouldn't cuss in front of me, girls won't fuck guys that are impolite right off the bat.
Stranger: hmmm..
Stranger: well who sould know off?
You: i'm sorry sweetie, you're gonna have to ask that one again.
You: i didn't understand it.
Stranger: Who that i know should know that i wrote that to you?
Stranger: well..
Stranger: im myself..
You: okay
You: hey can i tell you somethign?
Stranger: surely
You: everyone i've ever fucked was over 18 years, one was over 30!
You: i like guys my age though.
Stranger: that just disgusting
You: they used condamns.
Stranger: well it stilll is..
You: well, i guess.
You: but i've made a new rule, no one over 27 anymore.
You: unless they are a doctor or something lol.
Stranger: a 27 is still
You: well i'm 15, it's only 12 years older.
You: it's not that bad
Stranger: yes it is
You: my sister was 13 and was fucking 40 year olds back in the day
You: i'm not that bad am i?
Stranger: well youre sister and you are disgusting if you do it with 1 over 20 y
You: 1 over 20?
Stranger: at that age
Stranger: one*-
You: man, i think 18 of them were over 20...
You: two or three were 19...
You: but i started when i was your age...
You: so it's not that bad
Stranger: well you must be pretty if all guys wants you lol.
You: yeah
You: that and my giant tits...
You: :D
Stranger: ;d
You: you don't like boobs?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
-
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: greetings
Stranger: hi
You: what brings you to this fine random conversation?
Stranger: where are you from
You: it's round on the ends and hi in the middle
Stranger: = =
Stranger: taiwan??
You: O-HI-O
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: ({i})
Stranger: huh
You: ( o Y o )
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: We're no strangers to love
Stranger: haha
You: You know the rules and so do I
Stranger: i guess i got rick rolled eh?
Stranger: gbai now
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
-
Just recently rediscovered this and had a chat with a person (I'm assuming male) who thinks I'm female. It was a good 30 minute chat and I actually answered questions truthfully (albeit very carefully and sometimes incompletely), but he/she still made that assumption. Don't know what to think of that (I am male by the way)...
-
I'm bored so here was my one liner disconnect.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: when are you going to return my sweater?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
Stranger: asl
You: jkd
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
-
Why did you resurrect this thread?
Why?
But looking back through it, Cody seems to like ass-rape and ass-rape related topics a bit too much...
-
Why not?
I was bored.
-
o god what have i done
-
Why did you resurrect this thread?
Why?
But looking back through it, Cody seems to like ass-rape and ass-rape related topics a bit too much...
Is there such a thing as too much ass rape?
-
Someone beat me to the ass talk!
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: will you put your big cock in my gay virgin ass?
You: Wow. you beat me to the ass talk
Stranger: i'm that good
You: You filthy whore
Stranger: i am
You: I meant that in the kindest way possible
Stranger: ehh whatever. the truth's the truth
You: But how can you be a whore if you are a virgin?
You: or is your ass the virgin?
Stranger: my ass is the virgin
You: ah. gotcha
Stranger: how big are you?
You: about 5'7" 160lbs.
Stranger: and your cock?
You: no, it isn't that big. That would be ridiculous
Stranger: haha i know, i mean how big is your cock?
You: isn't that an awfully personal question?
Stranger: well if you're going to shove it up my ass then we are way passed the personal part
You: Now, did I ever, in the history of our relationship ever say that I would shove my cock in your ass?
You: I mean, I don't even know your favorite movie
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
-
See what happens when you DON'T talk about ass rape?
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: I promise not to talk about ass rape
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: I promise not to talk about ass rape
Stranger: sure. ur a girl?
You: I am if you want me to be
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
-
Ok Cody, I'm gonna take that challenge and see just how long I can keep an ass rape conversation going. Because I was just trying to get odd responses. I'm going to see your conversation and raise you another disgusting conversation. This thread will never die.
-
(http://img208.imageshack.us/img208/1851/rapeducks1554322.jpg)
Ass-rape is the word of the day!
Kids, can you say ass-rape?
"ass-rap"
No, no. Rape as in to physically violate someone. Oh hi Count Molestia!
"Count With Me!
1 ass-rape
2 ass-rapes
3 ass-rapes
4 ass-rapes"
-
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: I will not talk about ass rape
You: just so you know
You: how are you today?
Stranger: pretty good :)
Stranger: you?
You: better now
You: ;)
Stranger: :))
Stranger: where are you from?
You: :0000
You: arkansas
You: you?
Stranger: istanbul,turkey
Stranger: you won't go,will you?
You: I've heard that Istanbul was once Constantinople
Stranger: yes but it is Istanbul anymore
You: but it's been a long time gone since Constantinople
You: so, if you have a date in Constantinople, she'll be waiting in Istanbul?
You: why did they change the name?
Stranger: i have a lot of girlfriend but i am in love with a man :)
Stranger: because Istanbul became Turkish's
You: wrong answer
You: I GUESS PEOPLE LIKED IT BETTER THAT WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You: can you take me back to constantinople?
Stranger: if you want to say constantinopole,you can say it is your choice
You: you are ruining this song.
You: fuck it
You have disconnected.
-
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.
You: PARKER!
Stranger: heya
You: GET IN MY OFFICE
Stranger: haha
You: I NEED NEW PHOTOS OF SPIDERMAN
You: WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING
You: THIS IS NO LAUGHING MATTER
You: SPIDER MAN IS A MENACE
Stranger: hahahaahahahhahaha
You: PARKER
You: IF YOU DON'T STOP LAUGHING
You: I WILL FIRE YOU
You: MARY JANE WILL LEAVE YOU
You: I WILL BANG THE SHIT OUT OF HER
You: BECAUSE I HAVE A JOB
Stranger: hahahahahaha
You: THAT'S IT
Stranger: your sooooooo weird
Stranger: yet sooooo funny
You: YOU ARE FIRED
You: I AM NOT FUNNY
You: TELL MISS BRANT TO GET ME SOME COFFEE ON YOUR WAY OUT
Stranger: you mean the bitch i fuck everytime on my way out?
You: PARKER I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO ON YOUR TIME OFF
You: I JUST NEED PHOTOS OF SPIDERMAN
You: RIGHT NOW
Stranger: hahahaha
-
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.
You: PARKER! I NEED PICTURES OF SPIDER-MAN IN MY OFFICE YESTERDAY!
Stranger: hey
You: NO TIME FOR PLEASANTRIES PARKER! WE HAVE A PAPER TO PUT TOGETHER!
Stranger: but the green goblin broke my camera
You: GODDAMMIT! THAT IS NO EXCUSE!
You: IF I CAN'T COUNT ON YOU, I'LL JUST GET BROCK ON THE FUCKING CASE!
You: HE'S NOT AFRAID OF A LITTLE DANGER AND HE'S NOT A BROKE ASS LOSER LIKE YOU!
Stranger: go ahead, he wont get as good pictuers and you know it
You: LOOK AT BROCK, PARKER! HE IS STRONG, VERILE, AND I BET HE'S PACKING A BIG, SWEATY HOG UNDERNEATH THOSE JEANS!
You: DON'T LIE TO ME AND SAY YOU'VE NEVER WONDERED HOW BIG BROCK'S COCK IS, PARKER, BECAUSE WE BOTH KNOW YOU'RE A LITTLE TWINK FAGGOT!
You: YOU
You: WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF, PARKER?!
You: HUH?
You: WHY THE FUCK SHOULDN'T I JUST FIRE YOU RIGHT NOW?
Stranger: haha, fun talking to ya, but im moving to gothem, i head that theres this guy who runs around beating up gangester, im gonna take pictues of him instead
You: GOTHAM?
You: NEVER HEARD OF IT!
Stranger: eh, googe it you fat son of a bitch
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
-
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.
You: PARKER! I NEED YOU IN MY OFFICE NOW!
Stranger: YES SIR, WHAT IS IT SIR?
You: STOP FUCKING AROUND PARKER, BECAUSE I NEED PICTURES OF SPIDER-MAN!
Stranger: I ALREADY HAVE PICTURES OF SPIDER-MAN SIR
You: HE'S A MENACE TO THIS CITY, PARKER AND I WANT SOME SLEAZY PHOTOS OF HIM SO WE CAN SHOW THIS CITY WHAT A MENACE HE IS
You: THEN GIVE THOSE SUMBITCHES TO ME!
You: NO MORE TIME TO DICK AROUND PARKER!
Stranger: BUT I THINK SPIDER-MAN IS A GOOD GUY
You: GODDAMN PARKER, THESE PICTURES ARE LESS THAN SHIT
You: BUT THEY'LL HAVE TO DO
You: THE BUGLE ISN'T DOING SO WELL THIS WEEK, PARKER, SO WE'LL HAVE TO PAY YOU FOR THESE ONCE CIRCULATION IS UP
You: UNTIL THEN, JUST HAVE BRANT WRITE YOU AN IOU
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
-
Made my fucking day. Thanks guys.
-
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.
You: PARKER! I NEED YOU IN MY OFFICE NOW!
Stranger: WHOA WAIT IM IN THE MIDDLE OF CHILD BIRTH!!!
You: BULLSHIT PARKER!
You: THAT WOULD MEAN THAT YOU PUT YOUR MAN JUICE IN A WOMAN AND I DON'T BELIEVE THAT FOR A SECOND
You: NOT UNLESS A "WOMAN" IS ACTUALLY A MAN'S ASS
Stranger: NO WAIT YOU SEE I WAS AT THIS DONKEY SHOW LAST WEEK
You: I NEED PICTURES OF SPIDER-MAN!
Stranger: I GOT REALLY DRUNK
You: GET ME THOSE FUCKING PICTURES OF SPIDER-MAN SO WE CAN SHOW THAT MENACE WHAT'S WHAT!
Stranger: AND NEXT THING YOU KNOW
Stranger: IM A PAPA
Stranger: IM TRYING DUDE
You: I'M SO SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR BEASTIALITY PROCLIVITIES!
Stranger: BUT ITS NOT EASY
You: YOU'RE FIRED!
Stranger: WAIT!
Stranger: NO!
Stranger: I HAVE A KID NOW
You: HAVE MISS BRANT SEND YOU YOUR THINGS!
You: YOU'RE DONE!
Stranger: NO!
You: I TRUST BROCK BECAUSE HE'S A REAL MAN
You: HE KNOWS HOW TO PLEASE A WOMAN!
Stranger: HE'S NOT A REAL MAN
Stranger: C'MON
Stranger: BROCK IS A GAY NAME
You: THAT'S ENOUGH PARKER!
You: IT'S NOT WORTH WATCHING YOU CRY OVER ALL THIS!
You: YOU'RE HIRED AGAIN
Stranger: THANKS BRO
Stranger: ILL GET YOU PICS OF SPIDERMAN
You: BUT I SWEAR TO THE DARK GOD BARBATOS HIMSELF THAT IF YOU DON'T GET ME THOSE GODDAMN PICTURES OF SPIDER-MAN I'LL FUCKING FUCK YOU MYSELF
You: I'LL FUCK YOU HARDER THAN YOU'VE EVER FUCKED
Stranger: WHOA DUDE I DONT ROLL THAT WAY
Stranger: JUST DONKEYS OK?
You: YOU'LL BE SNEEZING CUM I'LL HAVE FUCKING FILLED YOU UP SO MUCH
Stranger: NO MAN LOVE
You: NO MAN LOVE?
You: FUCK IT!
You: YOU'RE FIRED AGAIN!
You: GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!
Stranger: WELL AT LEAST IM NOT GAY
Stranger: THATS ONE POINT FOR ME
You: YOU'RE ONLY TRYING TO FOOL YOURSELF YOU COCK FUCK NUGGET
You: !
You: !!!
You: YOU'RE THE ONE WITH A HARDON FOR SPIDER-MAN!
Stranger: NO IM NOT!
You: YOU NAUGHTY, DIRTY, WHORE BOY!
Stranger: YOURE THE ONE WHO WANTS PICS OF IM SO DESPERATLY
You: BET YOU FUCK THAT DIRTY OLD AUNT OF YOURS
You: MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT, PARKER.
Stranger: WELL SHE IS KINDA SEXY
You: MAYBE I DO HAVE AN ATTRACTION TO SPIDER-MAN!
You: FOR BEING SO ASTUTE TO MY PSYCHE, I'M GOING TO HIRE YOU AGAIN!
You: YOU'RE HIRED!
Stranger: THANKS BRO
You: NOW GET ME THOSE PICTURES THAT I CRAVE SO BADLY!
You: I NEED SPIDER-MAN!
You: GOD HOW I NEED SPIDER-MAN!
You: I WANT TO SMELL HIM
You: I NEED HIS MUSCK
You: MUSK
You: I WANT TO FILL MYSELF WITH HIS STINK
Stranger: MUSK?
Stranger: DUDE
You: DO IT PARKER!
Stranger: YOU HAVE ISSUES
You: GET OUT THERE AND DO IT!
Stranger: LIKE BUSH
You: PICTURES!
You: I NEED PICTURES
Stranger: ONLY WITHOUT THE BUSH
You: NEED THEM SO BAD
You: OF SPIDER-MAN
Stranger: DUDE...
Stranger: ARE YOU JERKING OFF?
You: SPIDER-MAN . . . . . . . WRAP YOUR LEGS AROUND ME . . . . . . .
You: PLEASE . . ..
You: SPIDER-MAN . . . .
Stranger: SPIDER MAN
Stranger: SPIDER MAN
Stranger: DOES WHATEVER A SPIDER CAN
You: PARKER! WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE!?
Stranger: CAN E SWING ON A WEB
You: WHY AREN'T YOU GETTING ME THOSE DAMN PICTURES!
You: ?
Stranger: NO E CAN'T HE IS A PIG
Stranger: LOOKOUT
You: GODDAMN PARKER, YOU'RE PISSING ME OFF
Stranger: HERE COMES THE SPIDER PIG
Stranger: OH SORRY E WAS HAVING A TRIP
You: OHISEEWHATYOUDIDTHERE
You: NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY OFFICE!
Stranger: ALSO OVER HERE
You: OUT!
Stranger: SELF DESTRUCT IN...
Stranger: 3...
Stranger: 2...
Stranger: 1...
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
-
Brilliant.
-
Holy shit balls that's fucking brilliant.
-
http://4chanarchive.org/brchive/20237504/JJJ+Trolls+Omegle/
-
I wanted to Zalgo (http://www.marlborotech.com/Zalgo.html) Omegle but they don't support the font.
-
You: PARKER! GET IN MY OFFICE
You: WHERE ARE THOSE NEW SPIDERMAN PHOTOS
Stranger: im sorry
Stranger: im too drunk to think of a funny reply
You: DAMNIT PARKER
You: WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT DRINKING ON THE JOB
You: ONLY I CAN DO THAT
Stranger: :(
You: YOU SHOULD BE FROWNING
Stranger: >:(
You: IF I DON'T GET NEW PHOTOS OF SPIDERMAN
You: YOU WILL BE FIRED
Stranger: ok im going tyo sleep
You: PARKER!
You: TELL MISS BRANT TO GET ME MY COFFEE
Stranger: im not parker :(
You: WHAT?
You: STOP SCREWING AROUND PARKER
You: IF YOU CAN'T GET THE PHOTOS I'LL REHIRE BROCK
You: SPIDERMAN IS A MENACE TO SOCIETY
-
Stranger: yo
You: PARKER! GET IN MY OFFICE NOW
You: WHERE ARE THOSE SPIDERMAN PHOTOS?
Stranger: on my computer at home sir ill have them in tomorrow
You: WE HAVE A DEADLINE TO MEET PARKER
You: DO YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR JOB?
Stranger: no because im...................batman
You: WHAT? QUIT MAKING SCREWY JOKES PARKER
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
-
This one is fucking epic.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.
You: PARKER! I NEED YOU IN MY OFFICE NOW!
Stranger: hey, if youre looking for sex, please disconnect me:]
Stranger: OKAAAY THATS NOT SEXUAL
You: NOT AT ALL LOOKING FOR SEX!
You: NO TIME FOR SEX, PARKER!
You: I NEED THOSE PICTURES OF SPIDER-MAN!
You: WE'VE GOT A PAPER TO RUN!
Stranger: HAHA I DIDNT GET THEM:(
You: WHAT?!
You: DO YOU WANT TO LOSE YOUR JOB, PARKER!?
Stranger: NO I WANT YOU TO LOSE YOUR JOB
You: DO YOU WANT ME TO HAVE EDDIE BROCK DO YOUR JOB FOR YOU?!
Stranger: THE PUBLIC WILL BLAME YOU
You: I OWN THIS PAPER, PARKER!
Stranger: YOU HAVE OBVIOUSLY WATCHED THIS MOVIE ALOT
You: I'M J. JONAH JAMESON!
You: I OWN THIS TOWN!
You: I'M SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR LIP, PARKER!
You: YOU'RE FIRED!
Stranger: I OWN MYSELF SO STFU AND GO AWAY
You: YOU'LL BE OWNING NOTHING WHEN I'M DONE WITH YOU PARKER!
You: I'LL RUIN YOUR NAME!
You: I'LL ENSURE THAT EVEN THE FREE PRESS WON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU!
Stranger: AT LEAST MY NAMES NOT ALREADY RUINED LIKE YOURS
You: I'LL CARVE YOUR NAME INTO THE MOON WITH THE SAYING "EVERYONE HATE PETER PARKER!"
You: IF I HAVE TO!
Stranger: ILL CARVE YOUR NAME INTO YOUR ASSS.
You: YOU GOT MOXIE, KID
You: YOU'RE HIRED AGAIN!
You: NOW GET OUT THERE AND GET ME SOME PICTURES OF SPIDER-MAN!
You: I NEED THOSE PICTURES SO WE CAN SHOW THE PUBLIC WHAT A MENACE HE IS!
You: AND TELL MS. BRANT TO GET ME MY COFFEE!
Stranger: OKAY HERES THE THING
Stranger: MY MOXIES KICKING IN AND I DONT WANNA TELL ANYONE TO GET YOU A COFFEE
You: WHERE'S THE THING?
You: HE'S AT FANTASTIC FOUR'S TOWER!
Stranger: NO HES IN YOUR MOMS BED
Stranger: OHHH BURNN
You: GLORIA JAMESON WAS A SAINT!
You: A SAINT!!!!!
You: YOU'RE FIRED PARKER!
You: I'M SO SICK OF YOUR SMART ASS ATTITUDE!
Stranger: YOURE FIRED!
You: YOU'LL NEVER WORK IN THIS TOWN AGAIN!
Stranger: GET OUT I RUN THIS PAPER NOW
You: YOU CAN'T FIRE ME! I OWN THE PAPER!
You: YOU CLEARLY HAVE A MENTAL IMBALANCE, THEREFORE I AM GOING TO HIRE YOU AGAIN
You: SO THAT YOU CAN HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE SO YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF YOURSELD
You: YOURSELF
You: I CARE PARKER
Stranger: THAT IS CLEARLY THE TYPE OF DECISION MAKING THAT GOT YOU YOUR JOB AS BOSS
You: STOP DOING DRUGS, PARKER
You: THAT GANJA IS GOING STRAIGHT TO YOUR HEAD
Stranger: STOP SMOKINGGG
You: YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO GET A CLEAR SHOT OF SPIDER-MAN IF YOU ACT LIKE THAT!
Stranger: ITS BAD FOR YOUR LUNGS</3
Stranger: YOURE NEVER GONNA GET A CLEAR SHOT AT MY ASS IF YOU IGNORE ME
You: AND I NEED A CLEAR SHOT OF SPIDER-MAN BECAUSE I HAVE TO SHOW THE CITY WHAT A MENACE HE IS!
You: I'M NOT IGNORING YOU PARKER!
You: YOU'RE A VALUABLE MEMBER OF THE BUGLE'S STAFF!
You: NOW GET OUT THERE AND GET ME SOME PICTURES!
Stranger: GET IT YOURSELF IF YOURE THE BOSS
You: I'M BUSY EDITING THIS PAPER!
Stranger: LETS SWITCH JOBS
Stranger: SEE HOW TOUGH IT IS
You: MY JOB IS REALLY TOUGH BECAUSE I HAVE TO DEAL WITH PUNKS LIKE YOU!!!
You: YOU'RE FIRED AGAIN PARKER!
You: MENTAL HEALTH BE DAMNED, YOU'RE DRIVING ME NUTS!
Stranger: YOURE FIRED, WETHER I DRIVE YOU NUTS ORNOT
You: I'm tired of this game. Wanna have some cyber sex?
Stranger: haha not reallly, did you not read my intro:/
You: I slowly take off your pants
You: kissing your neck sensuously
Stranger: ..?
Stranger: i saidd no
You: I massage your breasts
You: and nibble your ear lobes
Stranger: I kick your ass and piss on you.
Stranger: burnn
You: yeah baby
You: keep it up
Stranger: you are a strange person
You: then, I feel how moist your panties are
You: you caress the bulge in my jeans
You: you can feel how hard I am
Stranger: no i cannt, softie
You: fine.
You: PARKER!
You: I NEED PICTURES OF THE AVENGERS WHILE YOU'RE OUT!
Stranger: hahaha why dont you just say your reall name:P
You: MEANWHILE, I HAD TO FIRE SOMEONE ELSE TODAY FOR SOME REASON, SO I NEED YOU TO GET OUT THERE AND BE A REPORTER TOO
You: FIND OUT IF TONY STARK IS A POLYGIMIST
You: DO IT PARKER!
Stranger: WHAT
Stranger: IS
Stranger: YOUR
Stranger: NAME
You: I'M J. JONAH JAMESON, OF COURSE!
You: WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM PARKER?
You: I'M THE PERSON WHO SIGNS YOUR DAMN CHECKS!
Stranger: i think youre a starnger on omeglee who i wanna talk to -cries-
You: (GRANTED, MOST OF THEM BOUNCE, BUT THAT IS BESIDE THE POINT)
You: NOW HIT THE STREET PARKER, OR I'LL JUST GET EDDIE BROCK ON THE JOB!
Stranger: LOL nooooooo i wanna know who you aaare!
You: I WOULD HIRE HIM ALREADY, BUT HE ALWAYS DEMANDS MORE MONEY THAN YOU DO, AND I DON'T HAVE THE HEART TO TELL HIM NO
You: SO I JUST DON'T HIRE HIM
Stranger: thats not very nice, strnagger.
You: IT'S A VERY COMPLEX LOGIC SYSTEM THAT ONLY MAKES SENSE TO PEOPLE WITH THREE J'S AS THEIR INITIALS
Stranger: j.j.j......................... thats not me:(
You: YPU
You: YOU'RE DRIVING ME NUTS PARKER!
You: GET OUT THERE AND GET TO WORK!
Stranger: YOURE DRIVING ME BALLISTIC, bitch
You: OOOOOOOHHHHH HO HO HO HOOOOOO PARKER!
You: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST SAID THAT
You: YOU KNOW WHAT?
You: YOU'RE FIRED AGAIN!
Stranger: WHAT
Stranger: LOLFUCKYOU"BOSS"
Stranger: what kind of boss doesnt tell his star failure his real name :(
You: J. JONAH JAMESON, THAT'S WHO!
You: NOW GET OUT OF MY OFFICE OR I'LL HAVE MS. BRANT ESCORT YOU OUT!
Stranger: THAT IS NOT A REAL NAME YOU SON OF A BITCH
You: SHE IS A PRETTY LADY, BUT SHE CAN BE A FEISTY ONE WHEN SHE WANTS TO BE
Stranger: ooh, ms brant. i am so fucking scared of MS BRANT
Stranger: lmao ew
Stranger: dont go thereeeee, boss
Stranger: ill never be able to workj with you wo again
You: MUCH STRONGER THAN A LITTLE WEINER LIKE YOU, PARKER!
Stranger: I AM NOT A WEINER!
Stranger: I AM A GREAT MAN thats actually a girl..
You: YOU'RE RIGHT PARKER, YOU'RE A MAN
You: A MAN THAT HAS TO SUPPORT HIS FAMILY
You: ESPECIALLY IN THESE DIFFICULT TIMES
You: YOU'RE HIRED AGAIN
You: NOW GET OUT THERE AND GET SOME WORK DONE!
Stranger: LOL YOU ARE VERY DYNAMIC.
Stranger: I WILL NOT DO ANY WORK
Stranger: I DONT LIKE the way youre treating ME
You: TOO BAD PARKER! YOU GOTTA GET A THICK SKIN!
You: THICK SKIN IS WHAT GETS PEOPLE WORKIN' IN THIS BUSINESS!
Stranger: nononono happiness and ufn is!
You: HAPPINESS WILL GET YOU NO WHERE PARKER!
You: IT DOESN'T BUY YOU FOOD!
You: DOESN'T PAY THE RENT!
You: PICTURES DO!
Stranger: YE SIT DOES, IT IVES YOU THE M OTIVAITON TO DO S
Stranger: SO*
You: NEVER GET ME A PICTURE OF TONY STARK WITH THREE WOMEN AND I'LL MAKE UP THE STORY!
Stranger: okay here
Stranger: http://www.guzer.com/pictures/flip_off_baby.jpg
You: NO TIME FOR LINKS, PARKER!
You: WAIT!
Stranger: THATS THE PICTURE
You: I'LL CLICK YOURS IF YOU CLICK MINE!
Stranger: okaaay!
You: http://www.lemonparty.org/
Stranger: uh what is ittt.
You: CHECK IT OUT PARKER!
You: SOMETHING YOU'LL LIKE FOR SURE!@
Stranger: LMAO EW
Stranger: MINES BETTER
You: I DON'T CARE
You: I WON'T LOOK AT IT
You: NOW GET OUT THERE AND GET ME PICTURES PARKER!
Stranger: :[ i sent it you bitch
You: PARKER?
You: ARE YOU STILL HERE?
You: PARKER?
Stranger: yeeee
Stranger: ye
Stranger: ye
Stranger: ye
You: PARKER?
You: PARKER?
You: PPPPPPPPPPPP
You: 11100101010001010101011101010101
Stranger: WHWHWHWHWHWHWHWAT
You: SPIDER0SLAYERPROGRAMMALFUNCTION!!1111010010010100
Stranger: yoyoyoyoyoyomama
You: SPIDERMAN!!! PICTURES!!!!1010100100010101011101010101010
You: BROCK!!! BRANT!!! SPIDER-MAN!!!!
You: MENACE!
You: 10101010001010100001010101000101010111101000010101010
Stranger: youre the menace:/
You: TEXTLINECODEREDLINECOKEHEADCRACKWHOREWOODENDOORONTHEFLOOR
You: MENACEDENNISLEARYQUERYCLEARY
Stranger: youre wicked annoying now:[
You: BEVERLYCLEARLYYASACANADIAN
You: 1110100000000000000001011111101110000001111110001111001010000000111111000000111111000011111100011100110
Stranger: ?
Stranger: ar eyou gonna talk or can i leave
You: FEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYMCCCCCCCNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
You: MCCCCCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSTTTTTTEEEEEEAAAAAALLLLLLLLYYYYYYY
You: POPGUNCHAOSVINTAGEASTINMARTIN
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
-
;D
-
This one is fucking epic.
*TOTAL MADNESS FOLLOWS*
what is this I don't even
what did you do there
you shit everywhere
there's shit all over the windows
-
It's always fun when you can get another comic geek who is willing to play along:
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.
You: PARKER, IN MY OFFICE NOW!
You: I NEED THOSE SPIDER-MAN PHOTOS ASAP!
Stranger: but I was out being spider-man!
Stranger: now that would be a comic series
Stranger: of a 5 shot
Stranger: for marvel knights
You: DON'T TRY AND BE FUNNY WITH ME PARKER! WHERE ARE THE PHOTOS FOR THE EVENING EDITION?
You: IF YOU CAN'T DELIVER ON THE GOODS I'LL JUST GET BROCK TO DO THEM! FOR HALF THE PRICE!
Stranger: Well, Jameson, maybe I don't need your money!
You: LIKE HELL YOU DO! NO OTHER PAPER IN THE CITY WILL TAKE YOUR SORRY PICTURES!
Stranger: Maybe I can use my powers for useful
Stranger: instead of use my powers for dead uncle
You: WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU ABOUT GETTING CUTE WITH ME PARKER! ONE MORE CRACK LIKE THAT AND YOU'RE FIRED!
Stranger: speaking of "crack"
Stranger: I'm gonna crack out my pipe
Stranger: "peter parker smokes a big one in front of J. Jonah Jameson"
You: YOU'RE A DOPE FIEND! YOU'RE FIRED! GET YOUR THINGS AND GET THE HELL OUT OF MY BUILDING!
Stranger: Whoah...wait..what?
You: AND TELL MS. BRANT I WANT MY COFFEE NOW IF YOU'RE NOT ON A TRIP ALREADY YOU DEGENERATE POT-HEAD!
Stranger: I think I'm...like...Spider-man and shit...
Stranger: where are my web shooters?
You: THAT'S IT. SECURITY, ESCORT THIS MENACE TO SOCIETY OUT OF THE BUILDING!
Stranger: psh! YOU'RE a menace
Stranger: heheh
You: WHAT? I'M AN INSTITUTION!
Stranger: you're a PAPER
Stranger: ha!
Stranger: good one
You: LISTEN, I'M J. JONAH JAMESON! I'VE EATEN PUNKS LIKE YOU FOR BREAKFAST AND CRAPPED YOU OUT THE NEXT DAY WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT! YOU'RE THROUGH IN THIS THE TOWN PARKER!
Stranger: *leans in uncomfortable close* listen....I'm Spider-man....*breathes in*...*exhales* ...yeah...
You: PARKER, IF YOU DON'T GET OUT OF THIS OFFICE IN THE NEXT FIVE SECONDS, I'M DECKING YOU!
Stranger: maybe your rag says the truth. maybe it doesn't
Stranger: maybe I'll web your mouth shut
Stranger: and I'll have another drom
Stranger: drink
You: WE ONLY PRINT THE TRUTH! ROBBIE, GET THIS DEGENERATE OUT OF MY BUILDING!
Stranger: maybe I'll drink regardless
Stranger: robbie....I know wolverine.
Stranger: getout.
You: THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TELLING YOU PARKER! GET YOURSELF INTO REHAB YOU WORTHLESS JUNKIE!
Stranger: Wolverine wouldn't get this treatment.
You: WHO THE HELL IS WOLVERINE!
You: YOUR DRUG DEALER?
Stranger: He's an Avenger.
Stranger: Like Captain America?
You: DON'T YOU DARE SULLY THE GOOD NAME OF CAPTAIN AMERICA WITH YOUR DRUG HABIT!
Stranger: Do you read your own rag or do you just shit on it.
You: THAT'S IT YOU REEFER-HEAD! I'M CALLING SECURITY AND THE POLICE!
Stranger: But me and Cap...we go...like..somewhat...back?
Stranger: I don't smoke, but I'll be glad to escort myself out...
Stranger: via your security guards
You: THEN VIA CON DIOS YOU LITTLE PUNK. NO WONDER YOUR MARRIAGE WITH THAT REDHEADED TRAMP FAILED. GET OUT OF MY BUILDING!
Stranger: *spins off* "read a comic my marriage got ret-conned."
Stranger: yeah, spider mans marriage with mary j got redone
Stranger: pretty dumb
You: WHAT DRUG ADDLED ACID TRIP ARE YOU ON PARKER! GET SOME HELP!
Stranger: "...talk to the devil...no seriously...we made a deal."
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
-
I'm just waiting for some one to be like.
"Dude JJ I haven't worked for you in years i'm a high school teacher now you senile old man."
-
Stranger: hii:)
You: PARKER GET IN MY OFFICE NOW
You: I NEED THOSE PICTURES OF SPIDER MAN YESTERDAY
well that went well for my first attempt
Here is attempt number two
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.
Stranger: Are you male or female,
You: PARKER GET IN MY OFFICE NOW
Stranger: What the hell
You: I NEED THOSE PICTURES OF SPIDER MAN YESTERDAY
Stranger: That's great
You: HOW THE HELL DO YOU PLAN ON SUPPORTING YOUR AUNT WITHOUT A JOB PARKER
You: I NEED THOSE PICTURES TO SHOW THE WORLD HOW MUCH OF A MENACE SPIDERMAN IS
Stranger: Ok you oviously don't have a life you man whore so why the hell are you fucking talking to me
You: HEY I AM JOHN JONAH JAMESON AND I WILL NOT BE SPOKEN TO IN SUCH A MANNER YOUR FIRED!
Stranger: Ok you're mental
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
and again
Stranger: hi
You: PARKER GET IN MY OFFICE NOW
You: I NEED PICTURES OF SPIDER MAN FOR TOMORROWS PRINT
Stranger: asl
You: WHAT THE HELL IS AN ASL PARKER? I HAVE A BUSINESS TO RUN HERE I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR STREET SLANG
You: GET ME THOSE PICTURES PARKER
I am guessing you get disconnected on alot in the search for the perfect spiderman experience..
-
Finally someone plays along
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.
You: PARKER GET IN MY OFFICE NOW
Stranger: Yes sir
You: I NEED THOSE PICTURES OF SPIDER MAN YESTERDAY
Stranger: I was not aware of that sir.
You: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PROVE TO THE WORLD HOW MUCH OF A MENACE SPIDERMAN IS
You: IF I DONT HAVE PICTURES TO RUN WITH MY STORY
Stranger: I'm not sure sir.
You: WELL DO YOU HAVE THE PICTURES OR NOT
Stranger: No sir, I was covering that story on 5th Avenue.
Stranger: I do have pictures for that.
You: DAMNIT PARKER THE 5TH AVE STORY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SPIDER MAN
Stranger: Honestly, I'm pretty sure you could just edit a few old pics of Spiderman and nobody would notice, sir.
You: DAMNIT PARKER WE THE PAPERS INTEGRITY TO THINK ABOUT
You: IF YOU CANT GET SOME GOOD PICTURES OF SPIDER MAN DOING SOMETHING QUESTIONABLE I AM GOING TO HAVE BROCK TAKE CARE OF IT
Stranger: That is true, sir.
Stranger: I will try to get pictures of Spiderman doing questionable activities, sir.
You: WELL GET ON IT THEN PARKER
You: WHAT ARE YOU STILL STANDING AROUND HERE FOR
Stranger: I'll get right on it, sir.
You: DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING FOR ME TO RUN IN TOMORROWS EDITION
Stranger: Other than the 5th Ave story sir? Not really.
You: WELL WHAT HAPPENED ON 5TH AVE
Stranger: There's been a string of robberies there, sir.
You: SPIDER-MAN MUST BE THE CULPRIT
Stranger: I asked the police officers on duty about that sir, and they said that was unlikely.
You: GET ME A PICTURE OF SPIDER-MAN ON 5TH AVE AND I WILL PAY YOU GOOD MONEY
You: I DON'T CARE WHAT THE OFFICERS SAID IT WAS SPIDER-MAN I JUST KNOW IT
Stranger: A raise?
You: YOU KNOW DAMN WELL I ONLY PAY YOU IF YOUR PICTURES ARE GOOD
Stranger: Oh, right. I misunderstood you.
Stranger: You'll get your pictures, sir.
You: ALRIGHT THEN GIVE ME WHAT YOU'VE GOT ON 5TH AVE AND GO OUT AND GET SOME WITH SPIDERMAN SO I CAN RUN IT TOMORROW
Stranger: Alright, sir. Here's the 5th Ave pics.
You: ALRIGHT HAVE ROBBIE CUT YOU A CHECK ON YOUR WAY OUT
Stranger: Got it.
You: ALL RIGHT NOW GET OUT OF MY SIGHT PARKER
Stranger: Yessir.
You: congratulations you were the first person to play along
You: now i gtg
You: lol
Stranger: This has been the best conversation I've ever had on Omegle.
Stranger: Thanks.
You: np np
-
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.
You: PARKER GET IN MY OFFICE NOW
You: I NEED PICTURES OF SPIDERMAN
Stranger: ok
Stranger: this for weekends or?
You: DID YOU GET THEM OR NOT I NEED THEM FOR TOMORROWS PRINT
You: THE ONLY REASON PEOPLE BUY THE BUGLE IS BECAUSE WE TELL IT LIKE IT IS AND I NEED PICTURES OF SPIDER-MAN TO SHOW HIM FOR THE CROOK HE IS
Stranger: No but uh... hey I got I message from your parants. You wanna here it?
You: PARKER STOP MESSING AROUND MY PARENTS ARE DEAD I AM IN MY 60'S
Stranger: Sorry I forgot... I meant to say your kids.
You: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVE A MESSAGE FROM JOHNNY
You: HE IS ON THE MOON
You: HE IS SUCH A GOOD BOY
You: PARKER YOUR TRYING TO DISTRACT ME I NEED THOSE PHOTOS
Stranger: I can get them tommorow.
You: WE GO TO PRINT TONIGHT PARKER
Stranger: My camaras covered in shit
You: HOW CAN I RUN AN ARTICLE ABOUT THE SPIDER-FREAK BREAKING INTO WAREHOUSES ON 5TH AVE WITHOUT PICTURES TO PROVE IT
You: WHY WOULD YOU HAVE FECES ALL OVERYOUR CAMERA YOUR A FREAK PARKER
Stranger: I threw it at an elephant in the zoo when I found out Mary Jane was banging her milk man and then to my shock and inconvieniance the elephant then bent over and did a ten ton shit straight on my sony cybershot
You: WHAT THE HELL PARKER
You: WHY DID MARY JANE TELL YOU ABOUT HER INFEDLITY AT THE ZOO
You: 1MAYBE YOU CAN GO BACK THE GWEN STACEY PARKER....OH WAIT SPIDER-MAN KILLED HER
You: SEE WHAT I'M SAYING HE IS A BASTARD, WHO KNOWS MAYBE YOUR MILK MAN IS SPIDER-MAN
You: AND HE IS BEGGING YOUR WIFE
You: BANGING*
Stranger: Cause she came with me for a royal laugh and then when I asked her if she wanted some milk she then said. "Oh Peter I can't think about milk right now." I then asked her why and she replied with "Cause I fucked my milkman for kicks"
You: DAMN PARKER, I'M GONNA RUN THIS AS A STORY
You: HOLLYWOOD STARLET BANGS MILKMAN WHILE HER PHOTOGRAPHER BOYFRIEND SNAPS SHOTS OF SPIDEY TO PAY THE BILLS
You: AND THROUGH MY OWN PERSONAL RESEARCH I HAVE FIGURED OUT THAT SPIDEY IS HER MILKMAN
Stranger: How about "Broken heart hits followed by ten ton shits."
You: PARKER THIS IS WHY IM THE EDITOR AND YOUR JUST A CAMERA JOCKY
Stranger: Cameras dont race
You: NOW GET OUT OF HERE AND CLEAN UP YOUR CAMERA, I HAVE A MEETING WITH BROCK TO GET SOME "REAL" SHOTS OF SPIDERMAN
Stranger: Fuck brock
You: IT'S A RACE WHEN I HAVE BROCK IN THE HALL WAITING FOR YOUR JOB PARKER
Stranger: He's a fucking anal leech
Stranger: He is a fucking jizz pirate
Stranger: His birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom suppliers
Stranger: Send his shit out!!!
Stranger: Hes a damn cracker bitch!!!
You: DAMN PARKER I LIKE YOUR SPUNK BUT REGARDLESS OF HIS SEXUAL PREFERENCE HE HAS THE PICTURES I NEED AND YOU DONT
Stranger: He photoshopped them pieces of arse waster
Stranger: Them photos aint one shit!
You: WHAT
You: I HAVE TO INVESTIGATE THIS PARKER
Stranger: While your at it fetch me some cookie crisp
Stranger: But no milk!
You: PARKER I AM NOT YOUR ASSISTANT
You: YOU GET ME COOKIE CRISP
You: AND COFFEE WITH MILK
Stranger: No
You: NOW GO OUT TO BETTY AND TREAT HER LIKE CRAP SO YOU CAN FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOUR OWN FAILED RELATIONSHIP
Stranger: If you ask for milk again I will make that coffee and use my dick cream instead of your bitch ass milk
Stranger: Ok
You: GET OUT OF MY OFFICE PARKER
You: YOUR FIRED
You: I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR CRAP COVERED CAMERA
Stranger: No your hired
Stranger: Your working for me now bitch
Stranger: I own you dog
Stranger: The only thing that your paper is useful for is whiping my ass after a chilli feast
You: QUIT MESSING AROUND PARKER OR I WILL HAVE YOU REMOVED BY SECURITY
Stranger: Fuck security
You: PARKER GET OUT OF MY OFFICE YOUR A CRAPPY PHOTOGRAPHER ANYWAY
Stranger: The only thing that could possibly come out of your life as being benefitial to society is your fucking funeral you son of a bitch dick merchant
Stranger: Fucking negro faggot!!!
Stranger: I will cum all over your Mums rotting body
You: THATS IT PARKER I AM ADDING TO YOUR ARTICLE THAT YOUR ARE A RACIST AS WELL
Stranger: I'm black
Stranger: Therefore negro is a giving dog!
Stranger: Shut your ass up
You: PARKER YOUR A LYING SACK OF SHIT YOUR WHITE AS THE DAY IS LONG
Stranger: No I just thought that seeing as everyone loves Michael Jackson so much then maybe that would be a great look
Stranger: Surgery fucked up everything though man
Stranger: I havn't got layed in six weeks
Stranger: except for that christmas hand job from aunt may
Stranger: she was crying and looking at a picture of her uncle ben while doing so but I still came on her face
You: LISTEN TO YOU PARKER YOUR OBVIOUSLY DRUNK
You: YOU NEED TO TAKE YOUR ASS HOME AND SLEEP OFF THIS HORRIBLE DAY
You: COME BACK WHEN YOU HAVE SOMETHING I CAN USE
Stranger: Hey I'm not drunk ok
Stranger: I'm having fun!
You: YOUR A SICK FUCK PARKER
Stranger: Now surrender your nipples
Stranger: NOW!
You: WHOA LISTEN MY NIPPLES ARE STILL A LITTLE SENSITIVE AFTER MJ WAS OVER HER LICKING MILK OFF MY CHEST
Stranger: oh yeah when ass wad?
You: LAST MONTH
You: SHE WAS ROUGH ON ME
Stranger: Did she let you cum inside?
You: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT PARKER WE DIDN'T HAVE SEX
You: SHE JUST ENTERTAINED MY SEXUAL DEVIANT FANTASY OF BEING A LACTATING MOTHER
Stranger: Oh
Stranger: She rode me when I was asleep and when I woke up she was cumming
Stranger: then she tried to get off but I grabbed her ass down and thrusted fast and hard into her and came inside
Stranger: she was NOT happy
You: WELL THATS ENOUGH OF THIS CONVERSATION PARKER I NEED YOU TO GET OUT OF MY OFFICE NOW
Stranger: So yeah she is having an abortion
You: IM ABORTING YOUR JOB HERE IF YOU DONT REMEMBER
You: NOW LEAVE
Stranger: speaking of which I heard your parants were hoping you were gonna be a miss carrage
Stranger: PRICK!
You: I DONT CARE WHAT YOU THINK PARKER YOU'LL NEVER WORK IN THIS TOWN AGAIN
You: NOT EVEN ASSOCIATED CONTENT WILL TAKE YOUR PHOTOS
Stranger: Oh well.
Stranger: I'm fine as long as I got food in my belly and a licence for my telly
Stranger: Aunt may's daily handjobs keep me satisfied
You: DAMNIT PARKER WE LIVE IN THE USA THERE IS NO TV LICENSE HERE
You: THATS ONLY FOR THOSE OTHER GUYS ACROSS THE POND
Stranger: I made one for a laugh
Stranger: its on my bill board
Stranger: You wanna hear a joke?
You: THATS IT PARKER YOUR CRAZY I CANT DEAL WITH YOU ANYMORE
Stranger: You wanna hear it?
Stranger: Go on
Stranger: Its a good 'n'
You: WHAT
You: WILL YOU LEAVE MY OFFICE
Stranger: Maybe
You: SHOOT
Stranger: Why do the Mexicans never win the olympics?
You: BECAUSE EVERYONE WHO CAN RUN JUMP AND SWIM ARE OVER HERE
Stranger: AHA!
Stranger: Your well equiped
You: NOW GET OUT OF MY OFFICE
Stranger: One more please
You: GO
Stranger: What do you call a musical fish?
You: WHAT
Stranger: A piano tuna
Stranger: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
You: I DONT GET IT PARKER
You: NOW LEAVE
Stranger: I'm the best
You: IA IA CATHARTIC LOBSTER F'TAGN
Stranger: Knock Knock
You: who's there
Stranger: Boo
You: BOO WHO?
Stranger: No need to cry its only a joke
Stranger: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
You: DAMNIT PARKER
You: 11100101010001010101011101010101
You: PIDER0SLAYERPROGRAMMALFUNCTION!!1111010010010100
You: SPIDERMAN!!! PICTURES!!!!1010100100010101011101010101010
You: BROCK!!! BRANT!!! SPIDER-MAN!!!!
You: MENACE!
You: TEXTLINECODEREDLINECOKEHEADCRACKWHOREWOODENDOORONTHEFLOOR
You: POPGUNCHAOSVINTAGEASTINMARTIN
Stranger: Knock knock
You: WHOS THERE
Stranger: alex
You: ALEX WHO
Stranger: alex the questions round her
Stranger: * here
Stranger: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Stranger: I am second to none
You: GO KILL YOURSELF PARKER
-
I loled @ popgunchaos.
-
I loled @ popgunchaos.
Thanks! Gotta stop synergizing.
-
The only thing missing from that convo was 'Wu-tang clan.'
-
I'm waiting for us to connect to each other, and both start screaming about spider-man photos.Not that there are very good odds of that.
-
You: PARKER
You: GET IN MY OFFICE
You: WHERE ARE THOSE PHOTOS OF SPIDERMAN PARKER
You: YOU HEAR ME PARKER?
Stranger: Hey you don't say that!!!
You: I DON'T SAY WHAT
You: YOU BETTER GET ME THESE PHOTOS OR I'LL FIRE YOU
You: AND GET BROCK IN HERE TO DO YOUR JOB
Stranger: FUCK BROCK THAT PHONY FUCK.
Stranger: WITH HIS LYING ASS
You: FUCK BROCK? I'LL BET YOU WANT TO, YOU SICK FREAK
You: WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF PARKER
You: YOU'RE LAZY AND USELESS TO THIS PAPER
You: GOD KNOWS HOW YOU EVEN GET WOMEN
Stranger: I DONT NEED ALL THIS SHIT FROM THE DAILY BUGLE AND I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU, YOU FAGGOT
You: GOOD GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE PARKER
You: YOU'RE FIRED
You: TELL MISS BRANT TO GET ME SOME COFFEE ON THE WAY OUT
Stranger: YOU NEED TO CALM THE FUCK DOWN AND TAKE YOUR PILLS
Stranger: LISTEN TO YOUR WIFE
You: DON'T TELL ME TO CALM THE FUCK DOWN PARKER
You: I'M A PICTURE OF HEALTH
You: WHAT I NEED IS THOSE DAMN PICTURES OF SPIDERMAN
You: WE GO TO PRESS TONIGHT AND HOW CAN I RUN MY STORY ABOUT THAT FREAK KNOCKING UP WAREHOUSES WITHOUT THOSE PHOTOS
You: NOW I'VE GOT TO GET BROCK ON THE STORY
You: AND PUT THAT MENACE BEHIND BARS WHERE HE BELONGS
-
Gotta love it when they play along.
You: PARKER
You: GET IN MY OFFICE
Stranger: OK.
You: WHERE ARE THOSE PHOTOS OF SPIDERMAN PARKER
Stranger: ... I mysteriously dropped my camera in the hudson... while I was fighting crim- ... swimming.
You: DAMMIT PARKER YOU LAZY BASTARD
You: WE GO TO PRESS TONIGHT AND HOW CAN I RUN MY STORY ABOUT THAT FREAK KNOCKING UP WAREHOUSES WITHOUT THOSE PHOTOS
Stranger: It won't happen again, Chief.
You: HES A GODDAMN MENACE
Stranger: I know.
You: IT BETTER NOT, OR I'LL FIRE YOU AND GET BROCK ON THE STORY
Stranger: Not Brock, sir... anyone but him.
You: HELL YES BROCK. HE'S A FINE YOUNG MAN. VERILE. MUCH BETTER LOOKING THAN YOU PARKER
You: YOU TINY PALE LITTLE FUCK
Stranger: I'm sorry, Sir. It's the way I came out.
You: GOD KNOWS HOW YOU GET WOMEN PARKER
Stranger: He does, Sir/
Stranger: *.
You: DAMN STRAIGHT
You: NOW HUSTLE OUT THERE AND GET ME THOSE PHOTOS
Stranger: Yes, sir. Right, sir.
You: AND GOD HELP YOU IF YOU DON'T COME BACK WITH THEM
You: TELL MISS BRANT TO GET ME SOME COFFEE ON YOUR WAY OUT
Stranger: I'll steer clear of the Hudson.
Stranger: Yes, sir.
You: YOU'RE QUITE AGREEABLE TODAY PARKER
You: ITS A CHANGE
You: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT OUT OF ME PARKER
Stranger: A DENTAL PLAN, SIR.
You: DENTAL PLAN? YOU THINK I SPEND MONEY ON MY EMPLOYEES, PARKER?
You: HELL YOU'RE ALL REPLACEABLE
You: EVERY ONE BUT ME
Stranger: Super heros need good teeth, sir...
Stranger: ... not that I would so.
Stranger: * Know
Stranger: This is hypothetical.
You: SUPER HEROES? WHO GIVES A GODDAMN ABOUT SUPER HEROES?
You: THAT SPIDERMAN IS NO HERO
You: HE'S A MENACE TO THE CITY AND NEEDS TO BE BEHIND BARS
Stranger: Of course he does.
You: NO ONE ELSE UNDERSTANDS THIS PARKER
You: NO ONE ELSE CAN DO THIS JOB
You: IT WEIGHS HEAVY ON ME PARKER
You: NONE OF YOU HAVE ANY VISION
Stranger: Well, we don't have a dental or a vision plan, so that might have something to do with it...
Stranger: Sir.
You: DAMMIT PARKER CUT OUT THE SNARK
You: YOU WANT SOMETHING OUT OF ME STAND UP TO ME LIKE A MAN
You: OR GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE
Stranger: Sir, you said yourself that I am tiny and pale.
You: YOU'RE GODDAMNED RIGHT. NOTHING LIKE ME
You: I'M A PICTURE OF HEALTH
Stranger: Because you have complete health insurance coverage, sir.
You: DAMMIT PARKER I'M FINISHED WITH YOUR SARCASM
You: WE'VE GOT A PAPER TO PUT TOGETHER
You: GET ME THOSE PHOTOS OR GIVE ME A REASON TO FIRE YOU
You: YOU KNOW WHAT
You: I DON'T EVEN NEED A REASON
You: YOU'RE FIRED PARKER
You: GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE
Stranger: I'm not fired.
You: YOU BET YOUR DAMN ASS YOU ARE
You: GET OUT OF MY OFFICE BEFORE I CALL SECURITY
-
This went pretty well:
You: Dammit Cortez, I know you're hiding the bodies.
You: WHERE ARE THEY BURIED?
Stranger: Behind the shed.
You: My men already checked behind the shed.
You: Do you take me for a fool, Cortez?
Stranger: No sir.
Stranger: They..
Stranger: They...
Stranger: Are buried...
You: They what, Cortez?
You: SPEAK UP
Stranger: in the reserve.
Stranger: the forest reserve
Stranger: or is it preserve?
You: The preserve.
You: I should've known. . .
Stranger: yes! in the nature preserve.
Stranger: I'm so sorry.
Stranger: They are all there.
You: You're going away for a long time, Cortez.
You: Any last words?
Stranger: It wasn't worth it.
You: You're damned right.
You: Book 'im, boys.
You: *fade to black*
You: *credits*
Stranger: I thing we just finished a blockbuster.
Stranger: now...
Stranger: porn Parody!
You: I think there's enough of those on here.
You: Sans parody.
-
Question to discuss:
what's your age and gender (age group survey)
Stranger 2: 17 f
Stranger 1: 29m
Stranger 2: is that all lol :)
Stranger 1: ha ha
Stranger 2: Thats a really shitty question :(
Stranger 1: I got a question about truth or dare, that was a fun question
Stranger 2: Ohhh how does that work??
Stranger 2: That sounds fun :)
Stranger 1: you just play, i guess it on an honer system
Stranger 1: since you cant see eachother
Stranger 1: it's fun, but only if you are willing to go through and do the challenges
Stranger 2: Hmm yeah i agree, truth would be better thoughi think personally
Stranger 2: Butthats a good one!
Stranger 2: but thats**
Stranger 1: butt hats
Stranger 1: :)
Stranger 2: Rofl :) took me a minute to realise!
Stranger 1: also I got a question once, that was, something like, "mind if I masturbate, while you two cyber"
Stranger 2: Haha omg I havent got one like that (yet) which is surprising actually i only got one about fantasies
Stranger 2: and idnt even get to write
Stranger 2: people are toopolitical i think
Stranger 2: too political** my spacebars stuffed
Stranger 1: so they can be fun!
Stranger 1: but yeah people are asking a lot of super serious questions
Stranger 1: that's not so much fun
Stranger 2: And alot of racial questions which are super awkward lol some are just straight out stupid
Stranger 2: and this one is boring
Stranger 1: hmmm I usually just do the video chat on here, but this is fun
Stranger 2: Id be scared I knew someone! haha
Stranger 1: this one boring, so yeah third party viewer, think of a better question next time
Stranger 2: Oh yeah forgot about them haha ;)
Stranger 1: there are a lot of people out there, the odds that you know someone isnt really good
Stranger 2: I guess Im just paranoid Illdosomethingand someone will know me
Stranger 1: yeah its not just us in here
Stranger 1: what would you do?
Stranger 1: what could be so damning that you would worry about your identity ?
Stranger 2: Im kinda the "go where it takes you" person. I just hate awkward situations to be honest
Stranger 2: Kindalike when Im shitat a game
Stranger 1: awkward situations are only awkward until you push passed that
Stranger 1: when you are "shitat"?
Stranger 2: shit at** yes i guess I fear people wont like who I am
Stranger 2: Stupid I know
Stranger 1: i'm sure you are wonderful
Stranger 1: we all are
Stranger 1: afterall
Stranger 1: everyone is wonderful in their own right
Stranger 2: Positive thinking :) If only it were true
Stranger 2: I dont agree
Stranger 2: There are horrible people out there
Stranger 1: yeah I dont agree with everyone, but I believe that everyone deserves a chance
Stranger 2: I believe most do not everyone
Stranger 2: Some people are sick minded
Stranger 1: who knows, maybe under it all, they too are a super great person, just scared and hurt
Stranger 2: Im talking about murders etc?
Stranger 2: Not general people
Stranger 1: me to
Stranger 1: too
Stranger 2: Really? you believe that about most people even murders rapists etc
Stranger 1: murders are people who have made a lot, A LOT of bad choices in their lives
Stranger 1: they all start off as beautiful babies
Stranger 1: fresh starts... who knows
Stranger 2: I belive once pushed past that point, even death for them is too easy. Babies are different, they dont have such capabilities
Stranger 1: you are jaded
Stranger 1: :)
Stranger 1: wanna talk about that?
Stranger 2: What do you mean
Stranger 1: you seem like you have a reluctancy to be forgiving
Stranger 2: Ahh, I do though
Stranger 2: I am too forgiving
Stranger 1: of course, murders and rapist are extreme instances
Stranger 2: Unless you do not deserve it, in which yes I am talking abot extreme instances
Stranger 2: I have been affected by murder
Stranger 2: I see what it does
Stranger 2: And let me tell you I dont believe they deserve even death
Stranger 1: I've been through combat and I understand what actual Hate is
Stranger 2: By combat do you mean war?
Stranger 1: yes
Stranger 2: Are you in the army or something?
Stranger 1: I've looked into eyes that only could look back at me with hate and discontent
Stranger 2: I have seen small parts of that kindof hatred
Stranger 1: marine corps
Stranger 2: So your a marine and yet your so forgiving, I do not understand
Stranger 2: My partner is in the army
Stranger 1: even those hateful eyes, I believe could be turned
Stranger 2: And I find it so hard to understand the hatred
Stranger 2: But yet here you are completely different
Stranger 1: you cant hold on to anger and hatred or it will certainly destroy you
Stranger 2: I agree, But it can also help you
Stranger 2: You need to be angry and show pain beofre you can move on
Stranger 2: Its closure I guess
Stranger 1: hmmm , think if you used love instead of hate to fuel your intentions, how much more could you do
Stranger 2: Depends in what instances you use that love instead of hate
Stranger 2: So you have a family?
Stranger 1: you have to let go of hate and pain, or it will be a destructive force and destroy every thing good about you
Stranger 1: i've been there
Stranger 1: hate will always be sub par to love
Stranger 1: I do have family,
Stranger 1: a pug named winston, and a shorkie named felicity
Stranger 2: Hmm interesting
Stranger 2: But no kids or wife?
Stranger 1: these two can be a handful
Stranger 1: I have lots of nieces and nephews
Stranger 2: Well maybe when you have that family of your own someday you mayunderstand what I am saying
Stranger 2: The love you have for them is far beyond anything
Stranger 1: hmm I wonder what the secret 3rd party silent chatters is thinking
Stranger 2: They are probably think shit all i asked is age and gender
Stranger 2: lol
Stranger 1: haha
Stranger 2: My pet on WoW is named winston btw
Stranger 2: lol
Stranger 1: nice
Stranger 1: well im off
Stranger 1: this was super
Stranger 2: Bye :)
-
A friend sent me this log of him trolling, I found it pretty funny.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey
Stranger: asl
You: Hey
You: 21 w Br
You: You?
Stranger: 20 m usa
Stranger: horny?
You: Oh yeah really
Stranger: cool
Stranger: me too
Stranger: wanna sexchat?
You: Oooh yeeeaah...
You: You start...
Stranger: let me start by grabbing your boobs so hard
You: Mmmmmmhmm....
You: I play with my hat, enjoying myself.
Stranger: i take off your bra
Stranger: and lick just the nipple
You: I make this face.
You: http://wizard-detectives.com/wizard.jpg
You: I stroke my beard
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Edit: and then this happened
You're now watching two strangers discuss your question!
Question to discuss:
Just a small town girl.
Stranger 2: living in a lonely world
Stranger 1: LIVING IN A LONELY WORLD
Stranger 1: SHE TOOK THE MIDNIGHT TRAIN GOING ANYWHERE
Stranger 1: JUST A CITY BOY
Stranger 2: YOU'RE HOGGING THE LYRICS DICK
Stranger 2 has disconnected
-
You have all completely blown my mind. Cody, the depths of your depravity must be honored and repeated to future generations as gospel. Sir, I salute you.
-
You: hey
Stranger: im a chicken
You: u r chickens can tlk?
Stranger: yes
You: thts so cool i jus had general tso chicken now i feel bad
Stranger: u ate my mom?
You: no im pretty sure ur not a chinese chicken right?
Stranger: right
You: okei ur good
Stranger: yay
You: whts it like being a chicken?
Stranger: but i have i have a uncle who is Chinese
Stranger: its fun
You: oh then it was prolly ur uncle terribly sorry and r u sure everyone loves chicken u die a lot
Stranger: yes
You: okei chicken how old r u?
Stranger: 15
You: okei im 18 and im human
Stranger: ok
Stranger: i have 2 go i hear the farmer coming
You: okei good luck dont die
Stranger: thank bye
You: bye
They put the strange in stranger ;D
-
wow blast from the past
-
This was the first forum thread that made me laugh till it hurt... Glad to see it resurrected a year later.
-
Just did this on iPad bold is him not bold is me
You are now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
aye aye sir
or mam
ello sir
or madam
toushe
or however da fuq u spell it
spel it lik dis tooshee that makes you smart
yea but thats like tooshi like as in ass
yes ass as in buttocks as in rear end as in rectum pads
hmmm rectum pad interestin...very interesting indeed
elementary my dear watson
on the contrary
toushe
yes of course, its brilliant!
science! you see my dear boy the protons come near the electrons...not enough time to explain just push this button
aye sir the button shall be pushed
wait not that one the... great you summoned cthulhu
ahhhhhhh shiiiiiiiiit
roll a SAN check please
must i roll for you?
excuse me
roll me a SAN check
perhaps
no you must roll you just summoned cthulhu
yes which is precisely why u must roll as not to repeat the aweful deed
fine. 40/54 now i roll a d10. and i just lost 3 san your turn
o sheeeeeeet toooooo much pressure (puts gun in mouth....bang)
you just failed that check and then some damn
i pride myself on being an over acheiver
or perhaps under
thats why you fail so hard