A Study in the Logic of Gaming

[clockworkjoe]

Copying myself here - rules of D&D etiquette from a player's perspective


Assert your dominance by attacking the first character you meet.

If you roll a natural 1, ignore it and reroll it until you get a high number. Say the other rolls were practice rolls.

Talk about Naruto. Especially if you have no idea what a naruto is. Make things up. Yell at anyone who corrects you.

If you die or take damage, flip the table over, scream, and lock yourself in the bathroom. Refuse to come out until your character gets a bag of holding and an apparatus of Kwalish. When you come out, announce the apparatus of Kwalish is useless and you want to sell it so you can buy a holy avenger.

Roll up characters when it is not your turn. Have the secondary characters join the party as your loyal minions. Attack any player who talks back to you.

Make fun of other players who have backstories for their characters.

Write a ten page backstory for your character. Make sure it involves time travel and Star Trek. Pro players always do this.

Buy cattle, pet dogs, cats and other animals. Use them to detect traps. Use whatever healing magic you have on them before any other player characters.

Other players will respect you more if you show up in character, especially if you're playing a deaf mute monk with alcohol fetal syndrome and anger issues. They will be impressed by your acting ability.

Speaking of booze, be sure to bring some and drink when your character is in a tavern. Roleplay your attempts to start a bar fight with physical demonstrations.

Carry a real sword to the game.

Use the real sword to execute dice that fail you by rolling poorly.

Don't let the police get in the way of real roleplaying.

Make sure your character has the alchemy skill. Invent gunpowder.

Set up sweatshops filled with whatever goblins or orcs you capture and invent the assembly line.

To show how good your character is, adopt some orphans and have them become your apprentices or squires. Children provide half cover.

Offer to join whatever evil army or cult you are tasked to defeat. Demonstrate your commitment to evil by killing your apprentices or squires.

[Maze]

This is the kind of stuff that should be in Tom's next letter.

[rayner23]

I strongly encourage a game where we get really drunk before hand. I have never played a game whilst drunk, and I really want to just once.

Then again, I had a player that was drunk once it was really annoying.

Lastly, I still think we should hire a prostitute and play D&D with her.

[Tadanori Oyama]

I've been rereading DM of the Rings and found some fun advise from Shamus Young for the DM side of things:

What can you do when your players are about to do something astoundingly dumb because they aren’t thinking things through? There are many possible solutions.

Use an NPC to nudge the players in the right direction.
Give the players hints out-of-character.
Allow them to do the stupid thing, then laugh at them later.
Find smarter players.

#4 is obviously the wrong answer. Having players smart enough to outwit you is a tremendous pain in the backside. Don’t make that mistake.


Oh, adding this one too:

"When it comes to rolling dice, there are two types of players: One likes to avoid risk, and takes comfort in the cold, hard reality as defined by the shape of the bell curve and their advantageous position on it. The other kind wants to defy death and live against the odds at every possible moment.

These two types almost always end up in a game together. Sooner or later the death-defier rolls badly and dies spectacularly. Odds are that the more reserved, practical members of the team will follow suit moments later.

I find this to be hilarious."

[Maze]

I strongly encourage a game where we get really drunk before hand. I have never played a game whilst drunk, and I really want to just once.

Then again, I had a player that was drunk once it was really annoying.

Lastly, I still think we should hire a prostitute and play D&D with her.

Yeah, everyone has to be drunk. I already sent my anecdote about the game where we were pissed drunk with the guy who cut out a ninja out of cardboard and waving it around while describing his action. Some of my friends often game drunk. Once, one guy played a dragon with an amazingly small penis so he took the paladin and tied it to its crotch to compensate. The other guy was a wizard who could cast an infinite of fireballs, he came upon a potion, drunk it to realize it made him puke to death. He never did died, he just puked and puked and puked. I think he was tied to the dragon's tail or something.


I would have to use gloves to remove the prostitute's dices from the table and throw them in a trashcan afterward.

[wrotenbe]

Inbetween rolls, talk about WoW.

During your turn, talk about how what you're doing relates to something you do in WoW.

Define your character, the setting, the other party members and the encounters in terms of WoW.

Try to hurry the game so you can get back to WoW, or say you're going to leave early because of something you need to do in WoW, then end up staying later than usual because you're talking about what you've been doing in WoW.

In short, don't come to game, come to talk about your real hobby: WoW.

[clockworkjoe]

Inbetween rolls, talk about WoW.

During your turn, talk about how what you're doing relates to something you do in WoW.

Define your character, the setting, the other party members and the encounters in terms of WoW.

Try to hurry the game so you can get back to WoW, or say you're going to leave early because of something you need to do in WoW, then end up staying later than usual because you're talking about what you've been doing in WoW.

In short, don't come to game, come to talk about your real hobby: WoW.

ffffuuuccckkk those guys

[rayner23]

Inbetween rolls, talk about WoW.

During your turn, talk about how what you're doing relates to something you do in WoW.

Define your character, the setting, the other party members and the encounters in terms of WoW.

Try to hurry the game so you can get back to WoW, or say you're going to leave early because of something you need to do in WoW, then end up staying later than usual because you're talking about what you've been doing in WoW.

In short, don't come to game, come to talk about your real hobby: WoW.

For those unfamiliar with WOW, talk about how everything in the campaign is just a ripoff of Lord of the Rings even if it isn't. Any wizard is like Gandalf. Any main villain is like Sauron.

Demand that every fight be with orcs or goblins.

[Maze]

Try to have sex with every and all NPCs at all time. It's great for character development.

[rayner23]

Try to have sex with every and all NPCs at all time. It's great for character development.

I'm done defending myself on this topic.

I've been a great role-player and then I make one character and all my street cred is lost.

[Zeernebooch]

Inbetween rolls, talk about WoW.

During your turn, talk about how what you're doing relates to something you do in WoW.

Define your character, the setting, the other party members and the encounters in terms of WoW.

Try to hurry the game so you can get back to WoW, or say you're going to leave early because of something you need to do in WoW, then end up staying later than usual because you're talking about what you've been doing in WoW.

In short, don't come to game, come to talk about your real hobby: WoW.

Yeah all of my players were sooo deep into WoW when I started running my game that this happened a balls load until the fourth or fifth session >.<
nothing is more annoying to me than having your D&D compared to WoW constantly. Lucky for me none of them said anything about hurrying up so they could get back home and play it.
Thank Christ most of my group have stopped playing WoW or are "taking a break" form it....

[clockworkjoe]

Try to have sex with every and all NPCs at all time. It's great for character development.

I'm done defending myself on this topic.

I've been a great role-player and then I make one character and all my street cred is lost.

 

[Tadanori Oyama]

Try to have sex with every and all NPCs at all time. It's great for character development.

I'm done defending myself on this topic.

I've been a great role-player and then I make one character and all my street cred is lost.

I think it was great for your character's developement. Now everybody knows exactly what kind of dude he is and it lead to the amazingly entertaining "debate" over your character being a dick or not.

[Maze]

I meant, try to have sex with ALL NPCs, regardless of race or gender.

Anything that can be counted by hand doesn't cut it.

[rayner23]

Try to have sex with every and all NPCs at all time. It's great for character development.

I'm done defending myself on this topic.

I've been a great role-player and then I make one character and all my street cred is lost.

I think it was great for your character's developement. Now everybody knows exactly what kind of dude he is and it lead to the amazingly entertaining "debate" over your character being a dick or not.

Thank you. I appreciate it.