The Corrupt A Wish Thread

[Setherick]

I wish I could paint faster.

Granted.  Here's your power sprayer and seven thousand gallons of retina-burn-pink.

I wish I wasn't allergic to dogs.

Granted, you're now allergic to oxygen.

I wish my bookshelves would pack themselves.

[Dawnsteel]

I wish my bookshelves would pack themselves.

Granted.  Incidentally, that book you need to finish your dissertation mailed itself 17th class to Guam.

I wish I hadn't broken my favorite pint glass last night.

[Tadanori Oyama]

I wish I hadn't broken my favorite pint glass last night.

Granted, your imported rug caught the glass, and it's contense, shortly before you dropped your lighter.

I wish this torrent file would download faster.

[Setherick]

I wish I hadn't broken my favorite pint glass last night.

Granted, your imported rug caught the glass, and it's contense, shortly before you dropped your lighter.

I wish this torrent file would download faster.

Granted, but it turns out to be a Rick Roll.

I wish I had a pint of bitter and a pint of stout.

[ArtfulShrapnel]

Granted, but it turns out to be a Rick Roll.

I wish I had a pint of bitter and a pint of stout.

Granted. They belong to the hairiest biker of them all, and he is coming to get them back.

I wish the zombie apocalypse would hurry up and happen.

[Arje]

Granted... All the zombies are dead.

I wish for the heads of my enemies on pikes. To hear the lamentations of their women and to see their armies driven before me.

[ArtfulShrapnel]

Granted... All the zombies are dead.

I wish for the heads of my enemies on pikes. To hear the lamentations of their women and to see their armies driven before me.

Granted. Unfortunately you are not the conquering force, and the enemy of your enemy is just a dick that will kill everyone.

I wish there were more hours in the day.

[clockworkjoe]

Granted... All the zombies are dead.

I wish for the heads of my enemies on pikes. To hear the lamentations of their women and to see their armies driven before me.

granted unfortunately you are your own worst enemy

I wish I had a klondike bar

[Tadanori Oyama]

I wish there were more hours in the day.

Granted, 9 hours are added to each week day, eliminating all weekends.

I wish my gaming group would try some new games.

[acronomicon]

I wish they made new episodes of star trek

Granted.  To appeal to a new generation of fans, the crew is made up of sparkly angst-ridden vampires.

I wish cars had a mechanism that forced drivers to watch the road while driving.

[IDaMan008]

I wish cars had a mechanism that forced drivers to watch the road while driving.

Granted, but the designers ripped off the headgear from A Clockwork Orange. Now all drivers have their personalities reprogrammed so that they are prevented from making immoral choices, thus rendering them helpless nonentities.

I wish that I could eat sushi every day.

[ArtfulShrapnel]

I wish cars had a mechanism that forced drivers to watch the road while driving.

Granted, but the designers ripped off the headgear from A Clockwork Orange. Now all drivers have their personalities reprogrammed so that they are prevented from making immoral choices, thus rendering them helpless nonentities.

I wish that I could eat sushi every day.

Granted. You are stranded on a treeless island in the middle of the pacific. The only food available is fish and seaweed.

I wish Order 66 would learn how to play this game.

[ArtfulShrapnel]

I wish my gaming group would try some new games.

Granted. They decide to try Synnibar and F.A.T.A.L. before moving on to something worse....

To merge the wishes threads:

I wish Order 66 would learn how to play this game.

[IDaMan008]

I wish Order 66 would learn how to play this game.

Granted, but once he figures it out, he starts playing it in every single post he makes, even in other threads.

I wish I had a Zoom H2 so that I could record games more often without borrowing my girlfriend's laptop.

[Tadanori Oyama]

I wish I had a Zoom H2 so that I could record games more often without borrowing my girlfriend's laptop.

Granted, but with lasting access to her laptop your girlfriend spends less and less time with you.

I wish my fiance wasn't going to get downsized in a month.