My review of "The Pope's Toilet"

[Murph]

Last Saturday, the signifcant other sent me to the local video store with the instructions to get "Whatever, I don't care."
Those of you who are in the know will realize that this means anything I pick will be wrong (Ladies, amiright guys ). So I decided to go for the hailmary.  Upon the shelf was "The Pope's Toliet" or "El Papa Bano". 

For those of you wondering, The Pope's Toliet is not about bears or shitting in the woods, much to my dismay.  The movie opens with some smugglers on bikes near the Uraguay border.  When I say bikes, I mean actual bikes, not motorcycles.  They are trying to get past customs, but with what appears to be fairly ordinary goods.  There's some implication that the custom officer at the border is an asshole or something, so maybe they want to avoid exchanging pleasantries with him.  Anyway, as they attempt to cross, the custom's agent appears and confirms that he is indeed an asshole by wrecking shit up.  Our protagonist returns home, with his shit wrecked, and we find this is extremely weak sauce. 

At this point I am told that I made a bad choice and am sent back to the store to try again, so I can only review that much.  I assume the rest of the movie is about how the Pope, after having his morning coffee, has to stop at the protagonist's house, and leaves some kids at the pool.  Attracted by the holy feces, Flatula the Sphinktress, the evil ass-demon, drops from helps anus to steal the them.  Our protagonist must use his bike riding skills, along with a priest whom is questioning his faith after losing his love of this life to the Global Warming, must banish Flatula the Sphinktress back to hell.

The movie is one of those Indy films, one you know will have a sad ending.  It probably contained a powerful message about the Pope and his poop.  Also probably bears.  I'd give it an 85%, mostly because I am childish and enjoy a good poop joke.


Please feel free to review movies you havn't seen, or have only seen partially.

[Tadanori Oyama]

I'd like the review a horse movie. Any of them, I don't really care which.

I've grown to hate horses, and I believe this movie, whichever one it is, is completely and totally at fault because now I associate all horses with repeated failure, tragety, crying, and pick up trucks.

I can only assume the truth purpose of horse movies is to try and teach us that horses are pussies.

I give it three hundred thousand H₂SO₄ molecules out of a mole. If you know molecular measurements, you get the joke.

[Dawnsteel]

I give it three hundred thousand H₂SO₄ molecules out of a mole. If you know molecular measurements, you get the joke.

Not only that, but also you reminded me of a poem at the top of my college Chemistry syllabus:

My dog is dead
He'll bark no more
What he thought was H₂O
Was H₂SO₄

[Tadanori Oyama]

You chemo teacher in high school used the same poem, only his was about a student named Matt who didn't read labels. I laughed very loudly.

[Maze]

I've grown to hate horses,

I like horse burger.

[Shallazar]

Since I'm free to review movies that i've "partially seen" I'd like to submit my review of The Dunwich Horror Daniel Haller.

So perhaps after watching Outlander (movie about space man meeting vikings to fight dragon aliens) I popped one of my girlfriend's ambien pills. Alright great.

I remember that the dvd of The Dunwich Horror didn't have a menu, which may or may not be correct. Anyhow, the movie (since I wanted to watch the movie and review it BEFORE reading the story)- is apparently- what i have managed to reconstruct from that haze of doubled vision, dubious amounts of Pepsi, and late night EMERGENCY lawn mowing...

is that the movie is about this averagely cute mustachioed boy who likes this subpar female because she has child bearing hips. This female's friends all know the mustachioed boy has a creepy dad who Is a supposed Warlock? I think sorcerer. Furthermore, there are some clouds with lightening and one of the females wears yellow.

I rate this movie at about 79%, I would watch it again with or without the ambien.