The Corrupt A Wish Thread

[Gorkamorka]

Done.
You get to. Write for Hovard the Duck.

I wish I could do Parcour.

I get to create a new character named Hovard the Duck? Score! I think I won this contest 

Dam your non phonetically spelled languages.

Tad. You get to playtes a real demon. Teath, claws and everythin.

I wish i could spell.

[Capitalocracy]

I wish i could spell.

Granted, you can now cast spells. But they all come out wrong because all the spells in your spellbook are all misspelled.

I wish I had a D&D or Pathfinder game going.

[beowuuf]

Wish granted! It's being hosted in a retirement home. How many times can you explain the grapple rules to a 96 year old before going insane?* Also: hot granny is checking you out.

I wish I had a MAOCT game going.


*Is it just me or did Pathfinder spectacularly not make grappling any clearer? An is it just me, or is grappling an easy and epic mechanic that is impossible to explain to anyone briefly?

[SageNytell]

Granted, you have a MaOCT game going. You get in maybe five minutes of play per session between your players trying to decipher 3.X grappling rules and ignoring the plot.

I wish I could play a session with the RPPR guys.

[edwardian_adventurer]

Granted. You get together with the RPPR guys and perform a stunning rendition of "Free Bird."

I wish all my school projects were finished.

[SageNytell]

"They are calling for Free Bird! Will you give them Free Bird?"
FUCK YES YOU GIVE THEM FREE BIRD

Granted. You get together with the RPPR guys and perform a stunning rendition of "Free Bird."

I wish all my school projects were finished.

Granted, but the circumstances render you likewise.

I wish I had a Battlemech.

[Teapot]

Granted, enjoy this battlemech in 1:285 scale, don't lick it, it's old and made of lead.

I wish I could make Eclipse Phase characters quickly and well without using a program.

[Froggycleric]

Granted, your hand flies across paper unlike any other making the choices you need to make, however it's in 2 pt size handwriting.
I wish i could speak a foreign language.

[Teapot]

The nicest bassalisk hack ever.

Granted, a Swede acknowledges you do speak a foreign language.

I wish I could read size 2 writing.

[beowuuf]

Wish granted, you are now so tiny you can be bullied by your pet cat. Also, a small pet cat that likes to bully miniature humans will be provided to you if you cannot provide one for yourself.


I wish I could minaturise humans so I could give them to small pet cats or small children to bat around/stick in their mouth/bury in gardens.

[Capitalocracy]

I wish I could minaturise humans so I could give them to small pet cats or small children to bat around/stick in their mouth/bury in gardens.

Granted. Now you look like this.


I wish I could prepare for my Eclipse Phase game on Friday instead of working tomorrow.

[Gorkamorka]

Granted.
You are fired!

I wish I could realy grant wishes.

[Froggycleric]

Granted, your only goal in life now is to silently wander aimlessly granting the wishes of anyone you hear start a sentence with the phrase.
I wish pokemon were real.

[Teapot]

Granted. OH GOD EVERYTHING IS ON FIRE WHO THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO GIVE KIDS MAGIC MONSTERS AND MAKE THEM FIGHT INSIDE CITY LIMITS. EVEN THE THINGS THAT ARE NOT ON FIRE ARE BEING EATEN.

I wish this cat would stop bullying me.

[Gorkamorka]

Granted
You are now a female cat.  And that cat wants to do other things to you. 

I wish I was a Paladin.