Game Title: Probokk's Quest
System: Dungeons and Dragons 3.5
http://www.d20srd.org/Players Wanted: I'd like 3-6 players.
Posting Rate: I want to play via IRC once a week for 4-6 hours
Special Rules: I will add +1d6 to any Attack, Skill check, or Save that is AWESOME
Advancement Rules: You will probably be eaten by a grue before you ever advance, you big nerdy loser.
Characters should be 3rd level with 500gp in non-magical stuff. Standard races and classes only. No Psionics or other weirdobomon freakazoids. If you want a minor magic item or two, be prepared to bribe the DM with ca$h or a DOUBLE AWESOME backstory. Players and Characters must be prepared for Outrageous COMEDY.
DM'S EMAIL: mib.zero@gmail.com
SETTING: The Kingdom of Goodlund on the world of Earda is quaint and unremarkable as can be. Good King Wencelas and his wife Queen Igraine rule the land wisely and kindly. They have three lovely daughters: Princess Rose, the sober eldest child; Princess Lily, the magically talented middle child; and Princess Bryony, the wild tomboyish youngest child. There are seven demesnes in the kingdom: Brightcastle, a city built around the royal palace served by: Goldenford, a wealthy Duchy that competes with: Silvervale, a league of merchants adjacent to the forest land of: Broadleaf, a domain of druids allied to: Juros, a woodland realm of Rangers near the Goblin Forest next to: Bulwurk, a land of warriors who defend against the Scythelands east of: Curios, the southern dukedom of Wizards that run the Grand Academy of Practical Magic.
Foreign realms include the northern Black Forest wherein Vampires, Werewolves, Witches and other nasties dwell in the shadow of the Tower of Sorrows, home to the Mad Sorceress Severia. Mal-Avernis (the wellspring of hatred) is far to the northwest and is a cruel realm led by the Order of Secrets and their Black Legion. The kingdom of Eastlund was once a proud chivalric land, but they were cursed by the Sorceress Severia and now they are a terrifying realm of unlife ruled by the Ghost Queen. The western mountains of TaragJerne (the Beardheart) is occupied by the seven Dwarven clans. West of the mountains is the Great Desert where caravans from Goldenford and Silvervale travel to distant lands filled with Djinnis and Efreets. Across the Shining Sea to the south is the Elven Empire of Quen ruled by the Elven Empress Lirael.
PREHISTORY: A bajillion years ago the Great Underground Empire of Probokk emerged from the alien world of Zeticula to kick the crap out of the Illithid and Aboleth with disintegrator wand rayguns they somehow managed to build by the thousands. Crapping themselves in terror, the Illithid and Aboleth fled from certain doom to the worlds of Urukorr and Eridu. Urukorr was a land where sasquatches mutated into Oid species like Orcs, Ogres, Gnolls, Goblins, Hobgoblins, Bugbears, Athachs, Ettins and Cute Canid Kobolds (the fuzzy kind from 1st edition AD&D not the Dracosauric kind from the world of Elkos). The Illithid set up shop here and devoured a lot of Oid brains. The temple world of Eridu has a pink sky and a bluish sun. The dried up oceanic basins are the only places on Eridu with enough air to breathe; the regular surface was largely uninhabitable airless deserts. Lamias, Lammasu, and Sphinxes occupy the Basin of Tekel-Upharsin while Lizardmen, Troglodytes, Couatls, Lillend and Rakshasas occupy the Basin of Tenocha. Due to a dimensional navigation error brought on by the relentless disintegration of all Aboleths, the aquatic Aboleth ended up stranded on Eridu for centuries.
Then the Great Underground Empire of Probokk decided to invade the Underdarks of Urukorr and Eridu, where they once again kicked the crap out of the Illithid and Aboleth. This time both defeated species retreated to the world of Earda, where they were much more stealthy. Their hopeless cowering in fear did not prevent Probokk and his many weird minions from coming to Earda and building thousands of implausible and outright bizarre Dungeon Structures everywhere on the surface and throughout the Underdark. Filling their unlikely architecture with all manner of weird Zeticulan creatures and other extradimensional alien species, Probokk and Friends decimated the Illithid and Aboleth then returned to Zeticula -- satisfied by a job well done. Meanwhile, all kinds of other folks (like the Drow and Duergar) moved in on what the Zeticulans had left behind. Fast forward a few millennia and now Earda is something that vaguely resembles a Vancian Fantasy World mixed with Disney princess movies, Monkey Island games, Zork games, and those King's Quest games by Roberta Williams. Throw in a bit of Bone, Snarfquest and Yamara with all kinds of fairy tales and some Wizard of OZ and you get the Kingdom of Goodlund as it exists today.
Email your character concept to mib.zero@gmail.com so I can viciously mock your boring lameness, stupidity and utter lack of creativity. Characters are likely to start in the pleasant Township of Sunnydale between Brightcastle, Goldenford and Silvervale. IF YOU ARE AN UNRELIABLE FLAKE AND CANNOT COMMIT TO AT LEAST TEN SESSIONS, I DO NOT WANT TO DEAL WITH YOUR CRAP.
I use this site
http://www.d20srd.org/ for rules and this site
http://www.dndsheets.net/ and this site
http://www.myth-weavers.com/sheetindex.php for character sheets.
