Here is the back story:
Sometimes, I like to fuck shit up on Craigslist. I've made some great fake postings that I will post sometime if anyone wants to read them, but lately, I've been hitting the erotic section and chatting it up with the cyberwhores there. Believe me when I say this, being as bizarre as possible to them is the most fun you could possibly have. I got my inspiration from Something Awful and their ICQ pranks. Enjoy.
By the way, I'm jehuty23 (named after Jehuty in Zone of the Enders).
jehuty23: wow. you have a very sexy ass
jehuty23: amazing
jehuty23: are you there?
BUZZ!!!
Sophie Spice: I'm here. I was waiting for you to say something that I don't hear 10 million times a day.
jehuty23: ha
jehuty23: very nice
Sophie Spice: P.s. That buzz shit's fuckin annoying, so don't do it again!
jehuty23: I didn't do it
Sophie Spice: Um. .yes you did.
Sophie Spice: Anywho, anything original to say?
jehuty23: Star Trek II: wrath of Khan is vastly inferior to Star Trek: the Motion Picture
Sophie Spice: I"m not a nerd, so that really didn't help you.
jehuty23: it's an original thing to say though because common thought is that Wrath of Khan is a better film simply because Ricardo Montebahn played the principle villain. The first film was suprerior because there was no "face" villain. It was a computer that they couldn't fight, convert or fuck
Sophie Spice: Hahaha!
Sophie Spice: I'll just leave that one alone.
Sophie Spice: Too easy.
Sophie Spice: So why'd you instant message me. SOmething you're interested in?
jehuty23: that's what I heard about you
jehuty23: "too easy"
Sophie Spice: Hahaha. Oh, I bet!
Sophie Spice: Because you're 100% sure that you're even talking to a chick.
Sophie Spice: Hahaha!
jehuty23: heh. good point
Sophie Spice: Yeah, I have a million!
jehuty23: but your text is in pink! no man would type in pink!
Sophie Spice: No true. It's the new black. Looks like you live under a rock.
Sophie Spice: Some people master in the artof deception, and are boundryless when it comes to it.
Sophie Spice: You're not very educated, are you?!
Sophie Spice: Not*
jehuty23: apparently more than you because I know the word "boundryless" isn't a real word
Sophie Spice: Um, yes it is. I'm extremely educated.
Sophie Spice: YOu're humdrum. Obtuse, if you will.
Sophie Spice:
Sophie Spice: Are you with me?
jehuty23: clearly. I mean, you use the word "um" even in typing
Sophie Spice: Hahahahahahaha
Sophie Spice: That's not justificated of anything!
jehuty23: I believe you're being quite verbose simply for the sake of it
Sophie Spice: And that was an extremely feeble defense!
jehuty23: "justificated?" I know! You're George W. Bush! Mr. President, just because you're not in the white house anymore doesn't mean that you have to be a whore from Craigslist
jehuty23: write a book about your "religious crusade" and how "God chose you" to be the new Christ. Don't show off your sexy ass on yahoo just to get attention!
Sophie Spice: Typos occur when you're talking to more than one person. Justification* Your attempt at wit is hilarious!
Sophie Spice: Hahahaha
Sophie Spice: And I got yours. I make $700.0 a day from losers like you but ones that actually ahve money!
jehuty23: And your attempt at trying to be a brainy chick instead of just a prostitute on the internet is pathetic
Sophie Spice: Hahahahaha
Sophie Spice: I study calculus, physics, and chemitry, you fucking loser!
Sophie Spice: I'm highly educated!
Sophie Spice: Anyhwo, that's irrelavant
Sophie Spice: YOu're adolesent defense is pathetic, when you were the one that went out of your way to contact me, because you can't get pussy in real life!
Sophie Spice: Lets rewind time, and look at who contacted who!
Sophie Spice: Hahahah
jehuty23: Oh shit! Not a suh-suh-suh-science major! Jeez Scoob! What are we gonna do? I mean, I've never come across a woman who studied science before! I mean, I thought all they were good for was baking and masterbating in front of a cam!
Sophie Spice: Nope!
jehuty23: Also, laughing at your own jokes makes you come off like a supervillain
Sophie Spice: That just pays my college tuition!
Sophie Spice: I'm laughing at you, sqauare!
Sophie Spice: Tell me. . .
jehuty23: very unbecoming of you. Oh, I'm sorry, let me repeat that in whore-speak. "vrrry unbecumming of u"
Sophie Spice: how does it feel to be a loser that has to resort, and belittle his exsistance by going onto craigslist to encounter "virtual action??"
jehuty23: what is a "sqauare"? is that anything like a "square"?
Sophie Spice: When real men are in the real world, banging real pussy
Sophie Spice: I mean, losers like you put money in my pocket, but that doesn't mean you're any type of winner.
jehuty23: And here I thought real men were the ones who founded this great country of ours
Sophie Spice: because it's apparent that you aren't
Sophie Spice: HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAAHHA
Sophie Spice: Political geek
Sophie Spice: No shit you're online
jehuty23: I'm a level 11 Eladrin Wizard with my own fan club on RPPR. I am a fucking winner
Sophie Spice: I mean it's not like Star Trek was any type of green light in reference to you being a pathric loser
Sophie Spice: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
Sophie Spice: You're too wasy to critisize!
Sophie Spice: I like a challenege
jehuty23: "pathric" is that anything like "pathetic"?
jehuty23: like you
jehuty23: ?
Sophie Spice: But it's really funny to see the things you say
jehuty23: You're a crazy bitch
jehuty23: but I like that in a whore
Sophie Spice: Good one. Lets attack obvious typos, because there's nothing else more witty to say
Sophie Spice: hahahahahaha
Sophie Spice: YOu're the weakest soul that I've spoken with
Sophie Spice: Trust me. .you only know what vagina looks like, thanx to google
Sophie Spice: We all know that you don't get pussy
jehuty23: As Conan the Barbarian would say, "By Crom, you are a lusty, stupid wench, but you would fuck fairly grand if you would shut up for a few moments"
Sophie Spice: HAHAHAHAHA
jehuty23: Who is "we all"? Would that be you and the hampster in your vagina?
Sophie Spice: Everybody who's ever ome in contact with you!
Sophie Spice: This is fun
Sophie Spice: I needed a break from the loser sthat actually have money
Sophie Spice: losers*
Sophie Spice: I need the comic relief aspect, about now.
jehuty23: And I needed some time to unleash my verbal assaults on a dumb bitch who got sexually molested by her uncle
Sophie Spice: Hahahahahahahhahahahaha
Sophie Spice: I love the immature, anybody can come up with type attempts at insulting me
Sophie Spice: My 12 year old sister can insult better than you
Sophie Spice: Here, how's about this???
Sophie Spice: GO FUCK YOUR MOTHER!!1
Sophie Spice: Hahahaha
jehuty23: And she probably has a tighter pussy than you do too
Sophie Spice: Anybody can whip that up
Sophie Spice: Hahahahah
Sophie Spice: Serioulsy. .
Sophie Spice: anything that can hurt my feelings please
Sophie Spice: YOur father!
Sophie Spice: hahahahah
jehuty23: Yes. I am being very" seriouls"
Sophie Spice: I speak words
Sophie Spice: COme on. .
Sophie Spice: I wanna hear more
Sophie Spice: Talk about my brothers now
Sophie Spice: The ones that I don't even have
Sophie Spice: What'd they do to me?
Sophie Spice: Did they run a train, while my grandmother watched?
Sophie Spice: hahahahah
jehuty23: They would have if you would have ever shut the fuck up
Sophie Spice: Hahahahahahha
Sophie Spice: Oh'really. .
jehuty23: As it was, they were too busy saying, "Jesus, when is this bitch gonna stop?"
Sophie Spice: then what would they have done, if I could shut up?
Sophie Spice: That's boring!
Sophie Spice: COme on!
Sophie Spice: Didn't they cum in my ass, or anything like that?
Sophie Spice: ?!?!
jehuty23: Probably overdose on aspirin and then commit ritualistic suicide
Sophie Spice: That's stupid!
Sophie Spice: If you ever wrote a book, it wouldn;t sell!
jehuty23: Your mom is stupid!
Sophie Spice: yeah, she is
Sophie Spice: COme on. .
Sophie Spice: you're losing my interest
jehuty23: So, that's why you're a whore online
Sophie Spice: True
Sophie Spice: Come on. .
Sophie Spice: really
Sophie Spice: I'm getting bored
Sophie Spice: what else?
jehuty23: Mommy didn't treat you right, so you are trying to get back at her
Sophie Spice: Get graphic
Sophie Spice: naw. .
Sophie Spice: that's way too typical
Sophie Spice: I'm more original
Sophie Spice: that's key in life
Sophie Spice: I don't wanna look like everybody else
jehuty23: All right bitch. It's time for the super-Kame-Kame-ha insults
jehuty23: Your dickless dad and drunk gay uncle came home and realized that they were sick and tired of living this lie they were stuck in
jehuty23: So, they started to suck each other off
Sophie Spice: That's already boring
Sophie Spice: When it coems to family, those insults when out on 5th grade
jehuty23: In the next room, you took your pet frog and wanted to see if you could suck it's frog dick
Sophie Spice: My little sisters more advanced than that
Sophie Spice: Nope. .
Sophie Spice: that does nothing for me
Sophie Spice: Just stop
Sophie Spice: Stop typing
Sophie Spice: Nope
Sophie Spice: hahahaha
jehuty23: little did you know that frog's don't have dicks in the traditional sense of things, so went out to the bathroom to find a curling iron
Sophie Spice: Booooooooooring!
Sophie Spice: Bored!
Sophie Spice: YOu suck at story telling
jehuty23: it worked before, so might as well try it again. You plugged it in, made sure it was nice and hot and then you shoved it up your vag
Sophie Spice: You just don;t have what it takes to captivate me
jehuty23: still, no good
Sophie Spice: Nope
Sophie Spice: You suck!
Sophie Spice: I'm actually comfortable saying that you're the worst I've ever interacted with.
jehuty23: your uncle came into the bathroom and was just about to cum when he broke your nose and cum in your mouth. the blood mixed with the cum and he screamed "strawberry shortcake!"
Sophie Spice: Nope
Sophie Spice: I read the word uncle, and it was already over for me
Sophie Spice: Like I said, family attempts at belittment are non exsistant
Sophie Spice: nope
Sophie Spice: You lose!
jehuty23: then he smacked you across the face with his dick (something you should be used to by now) and fisted your asshole and acted like you were a puppet. he drew little mouth lines to complete the effect
Sophie Spice: 12 year olds on Myspace are more witty than you
Sophie Spice: nope
Sophie Spice: SOrry
Sophie Spice: I thought that this was gonna be fun, but it sucks!
jehuty23: wow. all those "nopes" and "sorrys" are really teaching me a lesson
Sophie Spice: You fucking suck! hahaha
jehuty23: damn, but you are witty
Sophie Spice: Yup
Sophie Spice: Come on. . .
Sophie Spice: keep trying
Sophie Spice: you might amuse me
Sophie Spice: sooner, or later
Sophie Spice: but your stpries are bland
Sophie Spice: stories*
Sophie Spice: Like I have no tastebuds on my tongue
jehuty23: I might amuse you, but good luck making me cum.
Sophie Spice: TASTELESS!!!
jehuty23: much like your profession
Sophie Spice: Nope. .I don't fuck losers
jehuty23: No, you just fuck family members
Sophie Spice: I might as well fuck my uncle, if I'm gonna stoop to fucking a star trk geek
jehuty23: One little reference as a joke and I'm labeled a Star Trek geek
Sophie Spice: does it offend you when people get star wars, and star treck mixed up? hahahaha
Sophie Spice: yup
Sophie Spice: you got it!
Sophie Spice: that's all it takes
jehuty23: Actually, it does a little
Sophie Spice:
Sophie Spice: Oh, I know
Sophie Spice: Trust me, I know
jehuty23: What about you? What are you interested in?
jehuty23: surely there is something you like that others make fun of you for?
Sophie Spice: nope
Sophie Spice: I'm extremely well liked
jehuty23: there has to be more to you than just getting naked on a camera for some losers and then your very important "science" and "chemistry" classes
Sophie Spice:
jehuty23: I'm sure you are well-liked because you have such a winning personality
Sophie Spice: Yup
jehuty23: So kind. So generous
jehuty23: So good at connecting to people and not criticizing them
Sophie Spice: My millions of friends wouldn;t trade me for the world!
Sophie Spice: Hahahahahahha
Sophie Spice: Honestly. . .
jehuty23: You are like Mother Teresa but she has a way better ass
Sophie Spice: did you really think that I'd have anything positive to say to you?!
Sophie Spice: Like REALLY?!
Sophie Spice: Hahaha
Sophie Spice: I could only imagine what you must look like, on top of that!
Sophie Spice: Not that I'm superficial, or anything
Sophie Spice: hahahah
Sophie Spice: But fuck, come on!
Sophie Spice:
jehuty23: It's just ridiculous to me that you are this online whore and you feel entitled to judge someone
Sophie Spice: Yup!
jehuty23: it is just absolutely ridiculous when you think about it
Sophie Spice: It's an amazing world
jehuty23: no. it is a fucking sad world
Sophie Spice: An online whore that caught the attention of you
Sophie Spice: That's why I'm here!
Sophie Spice: To attract attention with my, "Sexy ass."
Sophie Spice: Sound familiar, hahahaha!
Sophie Spice: Seriously. . .
Sophie Spice: to attempt insulting the same person that you were attracted by is FUNNY!
Sophie Spice: It shows your childish demenor
Sophie Spice: Even online
jehuty23: But what do you expect? That's what you're here for right? To get naked and have guys compliment you on how you look because you have no self esteem unless you are naked for money
Sophie Spice: Nope. . .
Sophie Spice: I have more integrity than most
Sophie Spice: Very false
Sophie Spice: Very close minded and inside of the box of you to say
Sophie Spice:
Sophie Spice: Typical
Sophie Spice: But then again, I"m not up against much with you
jehuty23: Yeah because you are so open minded and free-thinking
Sophie Spice: I mean you were using the "mom jokes."
Sophie Spice: hahaha
Sophie Spice: Extremely
Sophie Spice: I'm founded upon originality, and free thinking
jehuty23: And you reverting to Star Trek nerd jokes was just so cutting edge. You're a regular Mitch Hedberg
Sophie Spice: Hey, hey's my favorite
Sophie Spice: Dont make fun of dead people!
Sophie Spice: hahahahaha
Sophie Spice: No, that wasn't a joke
Sophie Spice: I was just being frank with that
Sophie Spice: Also known as honest
Sophie Spice: I wasn't attempting a cutdown with the star trek shit
Sophie Spice: that's just factual
Sophie Spice: Ficticious the least
Sophie Spice:
jehuty23: did you mean "facetious"?
Sophie Spice: Do you really thin that you're not profiled
Sophie Spice: I talk with million of squares like you, EVERYDAY!
Sophie Spice: You're just one of the bunch
Sophie Spice: hahaha
jehuty23: Sorry I nodded off there for a second
jehuty23: you were saying
jehuty23: ?
Sophie Spice: Wow, that was so funny
Sophie Spice: sooooooo funny!
Sophie Spice:
jehuty23: actually, I was looking at your profile and I saw your face shot
Sophie Spice: And I'm Mitch Hedberg?!
Sophie Spice: Shiiiit!
jehuty23: guh . . . if I had a face like that, I would probably just show my ass too
jehuty23: cellulite and all
Sophie Spice: Oh'no!!!!!
jehuty23: Fucking aye I threw up a little
Sophie Spice: There goes my feelings!
Sophie Spice: A Star trek geek is trying to make fun of me
Sophie Spice: I just better end it all right now
Sophie Spice: HAHAHAHAHAHA
jehuty23: Too true
Sophie Spice: Okay. . .
Sophie Spice: Well I"m off to go commit suicide now
jehuty23: Thank Christ!
Sophie Spice: There's goes everything I've ever worked up for
Sophie Spice: hahahahahahaa
jehuty23: *writing in notebook* Just defeated another bitchy whore on the internet. It's a good day
Sophie Spice: Damn, you win, and I lose
Sophie Spice: I didn't see this comin
Sophie Spice: hahahahahah
Sophie Spice: I'm, SOOOOOOOOOO sad!
Sophie Spice: Fuck!
jehuty23: We've been fighting for awhile. I guess no one is wanting to waste money on your horse teeth today huh?
Sophie Spice: Nope. .they hate the horse teeth in my mouth
Sophie Spice: YOu're right
Sophie Spice: Damn!
jehuty23: not when they can contact the "squirting school girl" on craigslist
Sophie Spice: hahahahaha
Sophie Spice: Yeah, , ,Idk what they;d want me with
Sophie Spice: hahahaha
Sophie Spice: You're so much fun
jehuty23: certainly not for your conversation
Sophie Spice: Right?
Sophie Spice: I know
Sophie Spice:
Sophie Spice: I'm on your side with that
Sophie Spice: Geeze!
jehuty23: your ad says "IM me, you wont be sorry" overlooking your lack of an apostrophe, I will definitely say that I am sorry
Sophie Spice: Damnit!
Sophie Spice: And you'r eteh one that I wanted the most!
jehuty23: what? did you shit yourself again?
Sophie Spice: Yeah. . .I did
Sophie Spice:
jehuty23: I missed your nasty-ass split ends the first time I saw your pic too
jehuty23: damn bitch
Sophie Spice: Damnit! And that's what I really want people to see!
jehuty23: are those zits on your ass too?
Sophie Spice: I'm just doin everything wrong, aret i?
Sophie Spice: Yeah.
Sophie Spice: They are
jehuty23: especially since you can't spell "aren't"
Sophie Spice: I was hoping that you didn't see em.
Sophie Spice: I know
jehuty23: strike 3000
Sophie Spice: I'm deprived of a good education
Sophie Spice: Isn't it sad?
jehuty23: thank you. this is all I've been looking for
jehuty23: it IS sad
Sophie Spice: I agree
Sophie Spice: Once again, I'm on your side
jehuty23: Anyway, so where's your site and how much and all that?
Sophie Spice: To be honest, I really don;t have one.
Sophie Spice: And I'm really not even a girl.
Sophie Spice: SOrry, again
jehuty23: that's cool too
jehuty23: If you're a guy. No big deal
Sophie Spice: I'm not a guy either
jehuty23: damn Cylons taking all of the whore jobs from good, honest American whores
Sophie Spice: I know!
Sophie Spice: But again, another sad fact
jehuty23: Why don't you go drink some goddamn motor oil you goddamned robot!
jehuty23: shiiiiiit. I remember a time when a good ole, God-fearing American can find himself a good ole (slightly dirty) female prostitute!
jehuty23: you goddamned Cylons is takin' our jobs!
Sophie Spice: Sad
Sophie Spice:
jehuty23: But . . . you are self-aware of this tragedy. Maybe you're a little more human than you thought
jehuty23: I may not approve of your way of life, robot, but by God, I approve of your right to live it.
Sophie Spice: Nope. .full robot
Sophie Spice: This robot must be off, though.
Sophie Spice: I have parts to assemble
jehuty23: Well, I better be off to go do something productive Whorebot. Like Deep Blue and that Russian Chess Player, it looks like you met your match
