The Role Playing Public Radio Forums
General Category => RPGs => : clockworkjoe April 19, 2009, 11:26:48 PM
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http://www.karmakaze.org/flw/
# "Yeah, I know it's dangerous, but think of the experience points."
# "I stand right underneath the Fire Giant and point my wand straight up."
# "Don't worry. I've got a plan."
# "They can't see me. I'm invisible!"
# "I wonder what's in here?"
# "He wouldn't try that trick again!"
# "My two mutations? ...But I've only one!"
# "Just because you're a dragon doesn't mean you can push ME around."
# "They don't look so tough."
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- Hey guys, watch this.
- I'll open the door.
- I checked for traps. It's clear.
- Well... we'll just use it and see what it does.
- Yes, I am sure, stop asking.
- I cast...
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"The assassin is climbing down a rope on the side of the building? Ok, I leap off the building and try to tackle him on the way down."
Ahhhh... so player-logical.
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- Of course I'm sure, stop asking.
- I roll Diplomacy against the zombies
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ok if you get killed after saying that you have a dick GM.
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Although those lines are funny, as a GM, I wouldn't usually kill my players for most of these stupid lines.
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Although those lines are funny, as a GM, I wouldn't usually kill my players for most of these stupid lines.
most of them are funny because you can imagine how the player dies after that. I normally wouldn't either, but if the dice don't roll the way of the player then yeah or some types the player is too good at roleplaying
"But the directions SAID to `pull pin and throw' !" [From a beautifully role-played Traveler character from a non- technological world. He was given a scout ship survival pack, which among other gimcracks, contained concussion grenades. When he got in trouble, of course, he pulled the pin out of one and threw it ("it" being the pin, naturally)...]
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# trust me...
# its okay, all I have to do is roll a twenty...
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# trust me...
# its okay, all I have to do is roll a twenty...
Its ok, All I have to do is roll higher then 5.
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I've never heard those, but the faithful one I have heard and love is;
"It's okay guys, all I have to do is NOT roll a 1."
Oh ye who temptith fate
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We were playing a DG game a few years back where we raided a cultist church and somehow got transported to an alien craft. My FBI DG-friendly was mowing cultists and alien creatures down with a shotgun with dragon fire rounds, and losing massive sanity as he did so, with five out of my first seven or so rolls being in the ought-one to ought-nine range. There were body parts everywhere. (At close range, a shotgun in CoC does 6d6 or 8d6, I forget which, on a character that has usually 12-14 HPs.)
By the time we got transported to the ship my character was temporarily crazed and I was playing him like he had more of a hair-trigger than he did. At this point, Jason's character gets taken over by one of the aliens and shoots my character in the back at point blank range with a 9mm. The 9mm barely does damage because of my body armor and I swing the shotgun, with again dragon fire rounds, on him and say, "You son of a bitch."
And roll a double-ought. The shotgun explodes as it jams killing my character instantly and mortally wounding Jason's. The damage done to Jason was enough to break his trance, but the other character abandoned him as they fled back out the portal.
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eh you can always rez me later.....
Hey you....You look suspicious.....
This looks like it will be fun....
I call those guys....
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- I'll sacrifice myself for the greater good. That and I gotta pee so make it a quick and painless death!
- I attack the *monster*! Oh i rolled a 3, that means I mi- what? -7 health? Fuck you!
- I'm gonna fuck up these zombies like I did your mom!
- As long we stay quiet, they won't see us.
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"Guys, don't worry about it. I've got hepatitus C and I have nothing to live for."
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"Come, on. Seriously, what're the odds of that happening?"
"I can take an Opportunity Attack, no problem."
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* I charge the rust monster.
* I shoot the cop.
* I jump of the zeplin.
* I rape Chichi with a gold plated springfield armory .45
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* I charge the rust monster.
I grapple the rush monster.
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* I charge the rust monster.
I grapple the rush monster.
Unless your character was an iron golem, that wouldn't kill you.
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Well no, wouldn't kill you instantly. You've just be without arms and armor against the monster.
I assumed the purpose of this was the last significant words of the speaker. In the above example the grappler might well have said things to the effect of, "Oh crap my AC!", "Oh shit my weapon", and "Oh FUCK, my hit points", in that or some other order after the grapple began.
Or perhaps he suffered a heart attack unrelated to the specific threat but those words where, in fact, his last.
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Well no, wouldn't kill you instantly. You've just be without arms and armor against the monster.
I assumed the purpose of this was the last significant words of the speaker. In the above example the grappler might well have said things to the effect of, "Oh crap my AC!", "Oh shit my weapon", and "Oh FUCK, my hit points", in that or some other order after the grapple began.
Or perhaps he suffered a heart attack unrelated to the specific threat but those words where, in fact, his last.
Maybe he successfully grappled it as the wizard of the party blasted it with a bolt of lightning.
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Gamer Logic, ha ha.
Giant Leech attacks the party cleric at the edge of a pool. Cleric is down and losing HP per round while the party, too afraid to move into melee, is throwing things at the leech. Between the blood sucking and missed shots, the Cleric is losing HP faster than the Leech.
So, the wizard casts lightning bolt. Cleric tanks the save. Leech makes the save.
Cleric is dead. Leech slinks back into the pool, wounded, not dead.
Next up?
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"I stick my head out the window. Can I see the archer?"
"It's probably an illusion."
"I jump down the hole after the fleeing kobold."
"I don't want to wait for the rogue. I open it."
"I'm still at half hit-points."
CR
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hes only a few lvl's higher then me......
it's just a tiny little thing....
i can make the jump....
I will swim with my armor on....
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hold on guys, let me try. I have a really high diplomacy....
how much damage can a little ghost do?
okay I quickly dive through the passage shaped like a green demons mouth.......
alright I'm gonna use the "wand of wonder".....
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Anyone got some of their own?
(please stop quoting the website if you are :) )
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Mine where my own. Except for the leech story and grappling a rust monster, those where somebody else's misfortunes. Seperate individuals, not the same guy.
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Anyone got some of their own?
(please stop quoting the website if you are :) )
Mine are all from games I've ran or played in. The one about sticking my head out the window to see where the archer was, was unfortunately me. I'd say that it seemed like a good idea at the time, but I can't see how it would of ...
CR
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I don't feel I have to say that my posts are all my last words but I will anyway my posts are ligit.... 8)
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"If I inflict damage on my fellow party member this attack gets +2 to hit. 4 hits points isn't gonna make a difference."
2/3 of the party down on that one.
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Anyone got some of their own?
(please stop quoting the website if you are :) )
Actually my job is to turn out fake anecdotes for RPPR. Damn you caught me. :D
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Long-running D&D campaign:
"OK, I'm out of javelins, so I'll dive overboard and attack the dragonturtle with my cutlass."
(I SHOULD have died here, but the half-ogre saved me by crushing the dragonturtle's skull with an anvil.)
Star Wars game:
"So he's a dark jedi. He probably can't take all of us."
(As it turns out, he could take all of us. Without breaking a sweat.)
My first game of Paranoia:
GM, as a guard: "Freeze, citizen!"
Me, turning around: "Who, me?"
GM (narration): "The guards open fire, aaand...<rolls dice>...OK, the AP round doesn't do nearly as much damage going through you as it does when it destroys the cooling unit on your plasma generator. You are all burned alive in the resulting explosion."
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Me: I take ninety damage, not nineteen?
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My brother when the Smoke Element Guardian scored critical: "Wait, you mean 6d4, not 64, right?"
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Anyone got some of their own?
(please stop quoting the website if you are :) )
these are all my own quotes, how else could you explain some of them being so bad. aside from me sucking but that's established.
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I thought of one from one of Ross's epic DnD games a few years back.
ME: What the fuck do you mean vorpal bite!
At which point, I tore the character sheet up and left.
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I thought of one from one of Ross's epic DnD games a few years back.
ME: What the fuck do you mean vorpal bite!
At which point, I tore the character sheet up and left.
hahahahah an undead giant's head that severs heads on a crit of 18-20. 8)
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what was the monsters name That is cool
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what was the monsters name That is cool
The monster's name was Ross is a fuck.
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The name of the monster is the Crawling Head http://monsterfinder.dndrunde.de/details.php?id=957&backlink=%2Fallmonsters.php
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what was the monsters name That is cool
The monster's name was Ross is a fuck.
Thats a good Hard Core name!
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First session of my game last year:
"I'm just gonna try to read these runes..."
First session of my game this year (same player):
"I rolled a 13 for move silently, I'm gonna peak my head through the door"
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what was the monsters name That is cool
The monster's name was Ross is a fuck.
Bwahahahahahahahaaa
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"Oh, I can get my gun back.."
Right before he dove inbetween 2 warren to get the laser rifle he dropped. Thank god for the medic. We're actually doing the New World in d20 Future.
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"Lets play World of Synnibarr"
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DM: "OK, so now you're hanging on to the dragon's snout with one hand. What do you do?"
Me: "I say 'Hah, wyrm, now I have you right where I want you!'"
(It wasn't the dragon that did that character in...it was the Death Knight who showed up just afterwards)
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theif- it may be traped
fighter- right so you can look in it and get all the cool stuff.
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"A cult of Vecna deeming me worthy of getting the hand and eye of Vecna? What's the worst that could happen?"
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"I've got no ideas left..." The words spoken by my GM this weekend that has seriously put a dent in my desire to RP at all. *sigh*
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"I've got no ideas left..." The words spoken by my GM this weekend that has seriously put a dent in my desire to RP at all. *sigh*
sounds to me like a great time to introduce the new world primer to him. let him run wild with the mind work of ross tom and all the other great wrighters.
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"I've got no ideas left..." The words spoken by my GM this weekend that has seriously put a dent in my desire to RP at all. *sigh*
man up and start running games yourself. 8)
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I've considered it, but I've never GMed before and our group is just slightly ADD... Our longest game lasted 3 hours, mostly because the TV was on. ::) That and no one wants to play GURPS, I like the system dammit.
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I've considered it, but I've never GMed before and our group is just slightly ADD... Our longest game lasted 3 hours, mostly because the TV was on. ::) That and no one wants to play GURPS, I like the system dammit.
DO IT
run a one shot with a premise that will grab your group - use GURPS pregens and keep the rules parts light
DO IT NOW
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I've considered it, but I've never GMed before and our group is just slightly ADD... Our longest game lasted 3 hours, mostly because the TV was on. ::) That and no one wants to play GURPS, I like the system dammit.
You'll never be happier than when you GM. Run a game, it's not that hard, especially if your group is already nuts.
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I think I will, I'll try and talk the group into next time thier around and if thier willing I'll print off some of the dungeon fantasy templates. Something simple and dnd like to get thier attention.
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- It'll be OK... I've got skillz...
- Hey, who's the bitch with the spiders? (said in the underdark)
- Hey, you with the red hat! (said by a disgruntled character unwittingly starting a fight with Elminster)
- OK... I'll just sneak past the sleeping red dragon... (said by a character in full plate)
- What's the worst that could happen?
- Oooooh shiny! (said by a gnome character putting on the closest piece of jewelry discovered in a crypt which just happened to be a cursed ring)
- As long as I don't hit any of my friends, we'll be fine... (said by an arcane archer using a death arrow on an enemy in melee with a party member)
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Not really last words, but pretty much.
My friend Charlie was a Warforged Fighter, who really wanted to be good with his bow and arrows.
I was sorceror with a Psuedodragon Familiar.
I was in a life boat, my familiar was being held by the tail and neck by a pirate. I couldn't use any of my spells cuz i would hit my familiar.
I told Charlie to "Fire away! That fucker's got Rock Lobster!"
He shot, missed.
"Shoot him again!"
DM: If he misses by less than 3 he'll hit your familiar.
"it's okay Charlie, I trust you."
we all know how that turned out
and that's how I won the 'familiar's best friend' mock award. And the monicker "Yan-san Poophands Dragonsbane"
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....What Rune?
....dont worry were alone
.... 4 levels higher, we can take him
.....thats a big ass sword
.... all i need to do is make my swim check...(jumps in lake with platemail)
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As an invisible wizard sneaks into the barracks of a kobold compound, he notices that they just saw the door open, with no one standing there:
"How'd the door open?" he says, trying to pretend to be one of the kobolds in the room and forgetting that he's standing in the door.
In a mixed oWoD game, the sluagh who gains Glamour by destroying love whispers something about "He doesn't really love you," to the girlfriend of another PC, who has recently found some magic axe that's sharper than an ogre's axe (and when it was introduced, the "k" sound from that was omitted).
Player #1: "What? I destroy love!"
Player #2: "I decapitate."
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A friend of mine named Ed was running an oWoD Mage chronicle that featured another of our friends as a foppish Hispanic PC named Juan Riviera Jose Estrada. The player controlling him would constantly annoy the rest of the party and get us into trouble with unfriendly NPCs by introducing himself to *everyone*. Every time Ed would introduce a new NPC, he would say, "Greetings, my friend! I am Juan Riviera Jose Estrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrada!" and shoot sparkles from his fingertips. Needless to say, some of us liked him, others hated him, and we were always bailing him out of deep, deep trouble.
The night that Juan finally bit it, our characters were in an Old West-themed realm where the bad guys had modern weapons and we didn't. We were all holed up in the sheriff's office, taking cover from a bad guy who had apparently just raided Rambo's arsenal and wanted very badly for all of us to go squish. When the GM told us that he pulled out a rocket launcher, we all decided to get the hell out of there--except for Juan's player. He just sat there, ignoring all our suggestions that he dodge out of the way. His character's final words:
"I can take it. I am Juan Riviera Jose Estrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrada!"
And then he got blowed up.
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I think the only thing that would have made that death better would be if he had only managed to get to around the third "r" in his last name before getting "blowed up" :D
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Playing a CthulhuTech game. Important note here: the players know it's going to be massively combat heavy. Players are playing Tagers, which are basically monsters, so all the fights are big monster vs monster brawls with claws and magic beams and shit. Awesome shit.
Middle of the big fight, one of the characters gets attacked while paralyzed so I inform him that, since he can't move from that spot he can't use his Dodge Skill, but he can counter the attack by using his Fighting Skill.
The dude looked down at his sheet, kind of glanced around without meeting anyone's eyes, and said "I didn't take Fighting".
His character got hit so hard that the character's head came off.
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you would think the fighting skill would be one of those skills players would always take - like boxing in a palladium game - but no.
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you would think the fighting skill would be one of those skills players would always take - like boxing in a palladium game - but no.
I've played a few games of Savage Worlds, and I don't think I've taken fighting in any of them (to be fair though, I did take shooting)...
However, I have had experience in Call of Cthulhu where the only skills at 99 were various weapons skills and fast talk...
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GM: You're playing an ambidexterous illiterate hillbilly?
PC: I can't ready any books so I can't go crazy that way!
GM: But your EDU is like 20 - what did you spend those points on?
PC: Shotgun (Left hand) and Shotgun (Right hand)
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I think the only thing that would have made that death better would be if he had only managed to get to around the third "r" in his last name before getting "blowed up" :D
I believe the GM retconned the scene afterward to make just such an adjustment, but that's not how it originally went down. When Juan died, his player got so upset that he left the house and refused to answer anyone's phone calls for an hour. Apparently, he really did think that he could take it.
you would think the fighting skill would be one of those skills players would always take - like boxing in a palladium game - but no.
I've played a few games of Savage Worlds, and I don't think I've taken fighting in any of them (to be fair though, I did take shooting)...
However, I have had experience in Call of Cthulhu where the only skills at 99 were various weapons skills and fast talk...
I've only made one character in the eleven or twelve years that I've been roleplaying who was a relative non-combatant, and he ended up as the group's field medic. I managed to survive long enough to buy myself some Firearms and Melee dots though, so it all turned out well in the end.
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I've only made one character in the eleven or twelve years that I've been roleplaying who was a relative non-combatant, and he ended up as the group's field medic. I managed to survive long enough to buy myself some Firearms and Melee dots though, so it all turned out well in the end.
I had fun with non-combat, but it was a lot of work, and I think the GM tried to overcompensate for it at some points by working in something for me to do during that time. It was also my first attempt at a relatively pacifist character (the character idolized MacGyver and tried to live by his example, so he wouldn't kill humans or use guns).
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This MMO related but still.
"Feh, there's only 4 of them and the other players are right being me."
Turned out the "only" 4 of them were all battleships and all targeted my since I was in front. Bright green flash and my ship exploded. Also...
"It's fine, all I have to do is get a torpedo through its shields..."
"My vulcan's healing is maxed out."
"Stun it! Stun it!"
"Did the gorn just pick up a rock?"
"There aren't that many klingons..." (forgot about cloaking...)
"Why is the flagship spawn camping?" (that wasn't me)
"Emergency power to shields, polarize armor, evasive manuvers, reinforce aft shield..." (me saying my powers out loud as I activated them) And finally...
"The hell is that?"
Allof this has been this week playing star trek. There's more, but those are the ones I remember most.