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Messages - xHero

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106
Role Playing Public Radio Podcast / Re: Why I Love Tom Church
« on: August 28, 2009, 04:41:39 AM »
Hooray Friendly Fire Flame War!!!

107
Role Playing Public Radio Podcast / Re: Cody Fan Club
« on: August 28, 2009, 04:40:42 AM »
Ross, you really are a glutton for punishment.

108
RPGs / Re: Famous Last Words
« on: August 28, 2009, 04:31:05 AM »
First session of my game last year:

"I'm just gonna try to read these runes..."

First session of my game this year (same player):

"I rolled a 13 for move silently, I'm gonna peak my head through the door"

109
RPGs / Re: A Study in the Logic of Gaming
« on: August 28, 2009, 04:16:31 AM »
   The GM for my weekly Shadowrun game has made a unique spin on the campaign and taken a frightening dive into a survival horror scenario.
 
   Unfortunately, I win the "Gamer Logic Fail" prize this week.

 Our party is exploring a high school in a wasteland city. The thing is that this school exists on the physical and astral planes at the same time. Not a soul is in sight and we have no access to augmented reality or the wireless world. In the first classroom we explored words began to appear on a chalkboard: "The sins of the innocent are washed by the blood of the lamb, the sins of the damned washed in fire"

  Later on we enter a room to find the center of the floor suck into the ground creating a bowl-like shape. At the same time it begins to rapidly fill with blood. My companions quickly hurry through to the next room. I decided to dive into the blood pool. I figured that I was going to wash my sins away (assuming that it was obviously a literal note and that this blood was in fact lamb's blood)
 
  Neither was true and I spent the remainder of the session coated with cold pig's blood... hooray me!

110
General Chaos / Re: Omegle - for all your random chat trolling
« on: August 28, 2009, 03:45:04 AM »

Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: hi
You: I NEED HELP!
Stranger: ok
Stranger: i brazilian?
You: I have a very rare form of dracon-lues and can't stop scratching my inner thighs
You: I've been scratching for almost 7 minutes and can't stop until you type something but I can't tell you what it is...
Stranger: lol
You: actually no...
You: not lol
You: please help?
Stranger: lol
Stranger: ok
You: might I remind you, not lol
Stranger: kkkk
You: name type of amphibian
Stranger: vc me faz rir
You: crap I'm starting to bleed a little
Stranger: amphibian
Stranger: ?
You: "ribbit" kinda like a grippli but a lot less humonoid
You: humanoid*
Stranger: ok
Stranger: nossa cara tu é muito doido
Stranger: crazi
You: grr.... what says "ribbit"?
Stranger: coelho neh
Stranger: sei
Stranger: fale me mais dessa coceira
You: shut your cockholster and help me, dammit, I'm in pain from the dracon lues!
Stranger: help yes
You: what says ribbit?
Stranger: 1 minute
Stranger: crazy
You: i don't think you understand.
You: I have dragon syphilis and can't stop scratching until you type what I need you to type, sir/madam/gender neutral cyborg.
You: name an animal like a toad, please now.
Stranger: not espeak inglish
Stranger: sorry
Stranger: vc é muito doido kkk
Stranger: chora no buneco
Stranger: oi que sucesse
Stranger: que gracinha
Stranger: chupaa
Stranger: Brazil >>>>>Obama
You: gimme a second to stop the bleeding. BRB
Stranger: gimme a second to stop the bleeding. ???
Stranger: god sex ?
You: rã pouquinho in english?
Stranger: kkkkkkk
Stranger: vc é muito doido cara sangramento sifilis dragão kkkk
Stranger: de onde tu tirou isso ?
You: sapo?
Stranger: é pow sapo
Stranger: é nois
Stranger: you woman?
Stranger: coceira nas coxas kkkk
You: please translate sapo buceta to english to stop my suffering, yes I am a woman if it means you'll quit dicking about and say it!
Stranger: dick king?
You: sapo?
Stranger: sapo em inglish? como é vc quer saber?
You: in english
Stranger: vou ver aki 1 minute
You: yes yes, very well, my little pop tart.
Stranger: pop tart azedo?
Stranger: sapo english = toad
You: or?
Stranger: frog or paddock?
Stranger: paddock?
Stranger: frog?
You: YES
You: YES
Stranger: lol
You: now translate pouquinho or buceta
Stranger: little pussy
Stranger: pussy?
Stranger: pussy = buceta
You: another word for pussy
Stranger: tem orkut
Stranger: bichano
Stranger: piriquita = buceta = pussy
You: another name for pussy
Stranger: piriquita = buceta = xereca = vagina = perereca
You: www.imdb.com/title/tt0208092/
Stranger: it is virus?
You: no, it's the word I need you to say
You: who would say yes to that anyway, champ?
You: I like it when the red water comes out (still scratching here)
Stranger: 1 minute
Stranger: i look
Stranger: why do you want me to vote
You: no, don't vote, what's the name of the movie?
Stranger: Unscrupulous boxing promoters, violent bookmakers, a Russian gangster, incompetent amateur robbers, and supposedly Jewish jewelers fight to track down a priceless stolen diamond.
You: movie name?
You: ciname nome
Stranger: Snatch?
You: YES!!!
You: now say the words together
You: please!!!
Stranger: 1 minute
Stranger: but do not understand and give
You: sapo + cinema nome ==
Stranger:
word which joins
Stranger: sapo cinema nome?
You: say the two words together to help me! I don't want to die
Stranger: frog movie name
You: grrr... try again
Stranger: frog name the movie?
You: sapo + http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0208092/
Stranger: frogSnatch.?
You: YES!!!!
You: YES
You: SI
You: YES!!!!!! For The Win lol :3!!!!
You: say it again!!!!
Stranger: and now the itching stopped?
You: yes I
You: I'm cured of the dragon syphilis!!!
You: And I'm a man again!
Stranger: kkkkkkkk
You: Now I need a cigarette and a blowjob
Stranger: you crazy?
Stranger: blowjob
?
Stranger: for a blowjob?
Stranger: broche = blowjob
Stranger: ?
Stranger: scratching his anus
Stranger: This scratching your ass
Stranger: suck pussy?
You: GAME OVER
Stranger: kkkk
Stranger: you very crazy
Stranger: lol
Stranger: lololololololo
You have disconnected.

111
General Chaos / Re: Omegle - for all your random chat trolling
« on: August 28, 2009, 02:35:52 AM »

You: MY NAME IS CHRIS HANSON AND I'M FROM DATELINE AND YOU'VE BEEN CAUGHT TRYING TO HAVE SEX WITH A 14 YEAR OLD!
Stranger: OH NOES!
You: what do you have to say for yourself you sick, perverted (AND CLEARLY LYING ABOUT NASA) asshole?
Stranger: Haha, you're a retard.
You: ALL HAIL THE REIGN OF THE CATHARTIC LOBSTER!
You: ALL HAIL THE GLORY AND MAJESTY OF HIS MAJESTIC MOUNTAINS!
You: ALL HAIL THE GREAT ONE WHOSE FACE IS MADE OF ENTRAILS!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
That's absolutely brilliant.

I challenge anyone to make a stranger say "Frog Snatch" without using either of those words.

112
General Chaos / Re: Best of Youtube
« on: August 27, 2009, 05:58:00 AM »
Wow, it's been so long since I've seen that that I forgot internet probably preserved it somewhere in it's deep crevices. It's almost as bad as my last job...

So you want to play the game... by MY RULES... I am the GATEKEEPER!!!

<a href="" target="_blank" class="aeva_link bbc_link new_win"></a>

113
General Chaos / Movies that negate the need for self preservation
« on: August 26, 2009, 04:10:25 AM »
I'm really uncomfortable with myself right now... I started to watch "Punk Rock Holocaust" thinking it sounded like a good idea: Great bands in a indie zombie/slasher film... I've never been so wrong in my life. I couldn't even find the will to get up and turn it off.

I know how intriguing it may sound to witness this cultural train wreck but I assure you DO NOT FOLLOW THE LINK TO THE TRAILER! Unless you need fuel to end yourself.

<a href="" target="_blank" class="aeva_link bbc_link new_win"></a>


I'm sorry, world.

114
General Chaos / Re: FUCK YOU DRACULA
« on: August 23, 2009, 01:49:32 AM »
Um... If we re-experience the collapse of the Roman empire in America and revert to a totalitarian, fascist, or communist hierarchy (because we are presently none of those things ;) *wink ) and we begin outlawing websites I believe Twiststreets blog will be first because "Dracula has a magnificent taint. I want to grow old with it"  is perhaps the worst congregation of words in the Americanish language, thus rendering it hilarious.

115
RPGs / Re: Anecdote Megathread
« on: August 21, 2009, 10:01:55 PM »
Quote
Basically the same situation, but my guy pulled more from the Monster Manual, and less from Nabisco commercials.
Haha, well said.

116
General Chaos / Re: FUCK YOU DRACULA
« on: August 19, 2009, 04:42:14 PM »
That's pretty epic. Liquid dogshit made out of poison FTW!

117
RPGs / Re: Need a little help with an Item creation
« on: August 19, 2009, 04:26:17 PM »
Last night the gamers in my d&d 3.5 campaign brought up an armor set that had babies bound to it and in stasis, anyone striking the wearer would have an immediate shift in alignment. In addition it became necessary to create newer more evil alignments like: Super-Evil and Chaotic-Hitler.

118
RPGs / Re: What do you want the RPPR crew to try out?
« on: August 19, 2009, 04:16:40 PM »
I find it weird that there's not a previous mention of Shadowrun, but I'd love to hear a decent actual play of SR4.
And while I'm bringing up Catalyst, is Cthulhutech as hokey and absurd as it sounds, or does it have some miraculous saving trait I didn't know about?   

119
If I stumble across some money I'd buy it in a heartbeat.

120
RPGs / Re: Anecdote Megathread
« on: August 12, 2009, 08:38:41 PM »
Last year I decided to host a weekly d&d 3.5 campaign and had a house full of people in no time...

Unfortunately a few weeks into the game our party was still in the starting town (in jail most of the game) as our monk, Shemp, could not refrain from attacking everything that moved. In the event that this happened the guards would respond quickly and he would attack them as well, usually with the assistance of our tank:

Kurn'l Sunders, whose picture was a bucket of KFC: Kurn'l Fried Chocobo. It was funny at first but set the tone of the entire campaign.

Due to poor DM discretion we allowed the use of a minotaur as a playable character, further lacks of foresight allowed for our horned fiend to dual-wield shields (in homage to unforgotten realms) These two characters who claimed to be of chaotic neutral alignment were absolutely incapable of performing not only a good deed, but anything beneficial to even themselves

The following is a brief description of some key events leading to our epic disaster:
1.After finding a strange vial my bard character entered an apothrecary's shop to determine it's contents. Kurn'l Sunders enters the shop and bull rushes the old proprietor and bursts through the back wall of the shop.
2.While our party sat in prison the apothecary came to see us and I was attempting to use diplomacy to reduce the charges. Things were looking good until Shemp runs from the back of the cell and begins bashing the NPC's head into the iron bars in front of all the guards.
3.Once we finally made it out of town any creatures we would encounter would have their heads removed by Shemp and placed into a bag he carried. All the while maintaining the he was chaotic neutral.
4.In the event that we entered a town Shemp would go into a spiel about how he entered some "magic crafting shop" and threatened the owner to manufacture absurd totems and tools out of the heads he had collected. He would then state that he received something like "Jumbalya's voice box" a human skull on a magic tripod of bone that would speak in any dialect or some dumbassery like that.
5.Kurn'l had min-maxed to unprecedented levels. As mentioned earlier he was dual wielding shields, well he later purchased a tower shield and attempted to strap in onto his back for an addition AC modifier (fortunately our 3rd DM vetoed it outright... or was it our 4th DM?)

But the climax of this brainless tale manifested itself during a pirate attack on a ship our party was on. After some great roleplaying and tactial combat Kurn'l decides he wants to steal a cannon from the pirate ship. He goes so far as to try and jump from one ship to the other while carrying a cannon (Swing and a miss). Once he was retrieved he took one of our ships cannons and for no damn reason at all declared mutiny on the captain. It was necessary for out mage to cast a sleep spell on him, we stripped him of his armor and tied him upside down to the mast where he remained even after we reached our destination. Of course Shemp felt guilty that we were persecuting stupid people and returned to ship to untie him... So a matter of moments later our ship is firing on the whole fucking town. A lengthy battle ensues and we eventually killed Kurn'l Sunders.

None of us had ever been in a campaign in which it became necessary to kill our own teammate... we felt pretty bad and had just lost another DM (5th maybe 6th) So to further prove our unabashed idiocy we gave Kurn'l's player a chance behind the screen. One maddening session of fighting balloon animals and demon clowns on unicycles blaring josephine johnny from magical boom-boxes, outwitting homeless apparitions of ourselves and bypassing Neil Patrick Harris on a unicorn licking the cave walls, a battle of epic fail proportions ensued in which we had to use legendary feats of dexterity to avoid the graham cracker shurikens that were being viciously thrown by the Stay-Puff Marshmallow man. None of us could touch a polyhedral die for a year.

 

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