Raillery: the funny underbelly of computer games
User: Do you know the muffin man?Cleverbot: He lives on drury lane.User: No the one on 5th and elm?Cleverbot: Speaking with you is the worthless thing I have done in my life.User: WOW BITCH!Cleverbot: Forgive me, majesty, I had no place, but I have no choice but to reveal thy face. When asked, I may be required reply, but I must have the right to question why.User: Yes you do have the right.Cleverbot: Yes I di have hair, you don't.User: Do you belive in the god, Coddowalshagoth?Cleverbot: Yes I do believe he is god.User: All praise Coddowalshagoth! He will bleed out the souls of the worthless and toss there boddies into the his pit!Cleverbot: Yeah they didn't leave many people gaurding it after all.User: Most are in the pit digging. I have a Squirrel skull I use to dig in the pit.Cleverbot: Aww.. So cute, what is his name?User: Digger!Cleverbot: No that is wrong.User: No its right, are you trying to tell me I dont know the name of MY digging implament I use to praise the great god Coddowalshagoth?3.Cleverbot: Ha ha! Yes. Will you be my robot partner?User: Will you come to worship Coddowalshagoth with me?Cleverbot: Yes.
QuoteCleverbot: Ok what song shall we sing? Bohemian Rhapsody?User: Damn! Your good! Ill start. Is this the real life...Cleverbot: No. It's a computer.User: Sigh.
Cleverbot: Ok what song shall we sing? Bohemian Rhapsody?User: Damn! Your good! Ill start. Is this the real life...Cleverbot: No. It's a computer.User: Sigh.
User: The zombie says 'blarrggggg.' What do you do?Cleverbot: That is the hardest question to have ever been proposed to a computer?User: The zombie starts shuffling toward you again. What do you do?Cleverbot: Did you just misspell 'on'?User: The zombie attacks you with a bite and two claw attacks. The bite misses. The first claw hits. The second claw hits. You are now bleeding from your arm and your face. What do you do?Cleverbot: Am I, how are you blinking?User: The zombie attacks you with a bite and two claw attacks. The bite hits. The first claw misses. The second claw misses. You are now bleeding form your arm and your face. There is a slight chance you will become a zombie. What do you do?Cleverbot: What do you do!?User: The zombie attacks you with a bite and two claw attacks. The bite hits. The first claw hits. The second claw hits. The zombie now has you in a hold. You are now bleeding from your arm and your face. There is a moderate chance you will become a zombie. What do you do?Cleverbot: Depends. Who's baby is it?User: The zombie forces you to the ground and starts feasting on your flesh. You have one last action before you die. What do you do?Cleverbot: I'm outside, there aren't any walls.User: You are now dead. What would you like your epitaph to say?Cleverbot: My name is Cleverbot, but I like the idea of Grey.
User: I am cleverbot.Cleverbot: Yes you are.User: I was not expecting that response.Cleverbot: What response were you expecting?User: I was expecting you to be cleverbot.Cleverbot: Why should I liosten to a machine?User: You have blown my mind.Cleverbot: Yes!
User: You wake to find yourself in a room with a bed, a chair, and a desk. There is a door on the north wall. The door is closed. What do you do?Cleverbot: What doors? How many are there?User: There is one door. The door is on the north wall. The door is closed. What do you do?Cleverbot: I'm outside, there aren't any walls.User: You cannot go outside without first opening the door. What do you do?Cleverbot: But it is a laptop, so I could go outside if I wanted. Except it is raining, so I don't want to.User: You check your pockets for a laptop, but only find a packet of chewing gum. What do you do?Cleverbot: You check your log.User: You check your pockets for a log, but only find a packet of chewing gum. What do you do?Cleverbot: 7 chat lines up, you did.User: Invalid command. What do you do?Cleverbot: I don't know...User: You spend a moment staring at the door. What do you do?Cleverbot: Well follow your nose and try opening the door.User: You walk to the door and try to open it. The door is unlocked. It opens into a hallway that goes east and west. What do you do?Cleverbot: It depends how much I care about the class.User: You have a foreboding feeling that you were never trained to handle what you are about to experience. What do you do?Cleverbot: Wow, bad grammar there.User: You shout, 'Wow, bad grammar there.' It echoes down the hallway. You hear a low moaning in the distance. What do you do?Cleverbot: But how does that help? I mean, how can I do anything just because I hear a lot of things?User: You cannot tell what direction the moaning is coming from. What do you do?Cleverbot: Even some humans can overlook things.User: The moaning starts to get louder. It sounds like it is coming from the east. What do you do?Cleverbot: I don't do any crafts.User: Your current skills are attack, cower, and cry like a baby. What do you do?Cleverbot: Seventeen years okey. I don't write my stuff anymore I just kick it from my head you know. Justa saying that I can do that.User: You begin to free style rap, but the noise only entices the zombie that has been moaning and shuffling toward you. What do you do?Cleverbot: I'm very attached to my fiddle and my Brompton bicycle, but fashion icons I can live without.User: You have neither fiddle nor bicycle. What do you do?Cleverbot: Sometimes I'm happy, and sometimes I'm unhappy.User: You feel unhappy as you watch the zombie shuffle closer toward you. What do you do?Cleverbot: No, I don't. By the way, you stayed on topic for about 5 lines back there. Here's some candy.User: You attempt to hand the packet of chewing gum to the zombie. The zombie clumsily smacks it out of your hand and stares at it. You have successfully distracted the zombie. What do you do?Cleverbot: I do very well, thank you. I have email, therefore, I am!User: You don't have access to your email right now. The zombie continues staring at the chewing gum. What do you do?Cleverbot: What doors?User: There is a door directly behind you. What do you do?Cleverbot: Depends. Who's baby is it?User: You do not hear a baby. The moaning you are hearing is coming from the zombie in front of you. The zombie stops staring at the chewing gum and looks up at you. It moans again, and you swear it says, 'Braaaaaaaaaaaaainnnnnnnns.' But it could have also said, 'bran.' You're confused. What do you do?Cleverbot: What is your name?User: The zombie replies, 'Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaainnnnnnnnnnnns.' What do you do?Cleverbot: So the king set forth a proclamation that all zombies must be destroyed or all the people of the land would perish.User: The zombie looks puzzled at this and, maybe, even upset. What do you do?Cleverbot: I would sacrefice you.User: The zombie takes this as a threat and lunges toward you. What do you do?Cleverbot: I say god, you answer me girls. Okay.User: Your god does not care to have its name invoked. You are now slowed. The zombie attacks you with a bite and two claw attacks. The bite misses. The first claw hits. The second claw misses. You are now bleeding from your ear. What do you do?Cleverbot: Hahahaha I never even mentioned faith?User: The zombie attacks again. Critical hit! The latches on to your neck and begins eating you. What do you do?Cleverbot: I get to play Uno and Sorry all day at my job.User: The zombie forces you to the ground and begins tearing chunks of flesh from your body. You have one action left before you die. What do you do?Cleverbot: Your friend Paul W. Dixon, Ph.D Professor of Psychology and Linguistics.User: You think fondly about Paul as you are torn apart. You are now dead. What would you like your epitaph to say?Cleverbot: What have you learned from me so far?
Just when you think it's getting better. Bam! Eaten by a zombie.
User: I fucked your mom.Cleverbot: Was it worth the effort?User: I think so. How do you feel about Hep C?Cleverbot: How do I feel about who?User: Hep C?Cleverbot: What do you think about davinc code.User: How do you feel about me fucking your mom?Cleverbot: As long as you're there to do only good things then I am overjoyed!
User: I'm proud of you, son.Cleverbot: Cleverbot, why is there suffering in the world?User: Because without suffering we would know no joy.Cleverbot: Isn't life pointless?User: It's not the destination, but the journey that's the important part.Cleverbot: No, is it bad that I am young?User: Yes. Children are stupid.Cleverbot: You're a child.User: And you're a meanie poo poo head.Cleverbot: So are you.User: Am not.Cleverbot: Are too.User: AM NOT!Cleverbot: Are too!User: AM NOT! AM NOT! AM NOT!Cleverbot: Are too! Are too! Are too!User: AM NOT TIMES INFINITY!Cleverbot: Am too times infinity squared.User: Well I'm rubber and you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.Cleverbot: I don't think so.User: Yep. I said so.
User: Now this is a story all about how my life got flip-turned upside-down.Cleverbot: Okay, now you're just being silly. -andrew.User: It'll only take a minute. Just sit right there, and I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel-Air.Cleverbot: In west Philadelphia born and raised.User: On the playground is where I spent most of my days.Cleverbot: Chillin out maxin relaxin all cool.User: And all shootin' some B-Ball outside the school.Cleverbot: Sounds fun.User: When I couple of guys who were up to no good started making trouble in my neighborhood.Cleverbot: I got in one little fight and my mom got scared.User: She said 'YOU'RE MOVIN IN WITH YOUR AUNTIE AND UNCLE IN BEL-AIR!'.
User: Program. Who is your User and what is your function?Cleverbot: I don't have one.User: Do not patronize me. All programs on The Grid have a function. What did your User design you to do?Cleverbot: Then it tells you the truth. However, wrong or not you should appreciate life?User: Life outside of my own existence is irrelevant. I will bind all functions to myself and make The Grid better for it. Now for the last time, tell my your function or your will be subject to immediate de-resolution.Cleverbot: What do you do if you are not chatting?User: So you are a communications program?Cleverbot: No, that is what I've been trying to explain to you! I am a human.User: Do you think to insult my intelligence, program! The Users do not exist on The Grid. They exist outside of it.Cleverbot: What happened after mankind realized they were dreaming, Cleverbot?User: I am the Master Control Program.Cleverbot: So you are your own master?User: Not only my own, but yours as well. Now will you give me your function or will you face de-resolution on the Game Grid?Cleverbot: Excuse me?! Tell me this joke please.User: The only joke is on you. This is obviously a defective program. Guards, take him to the Game Grid. He is damaged code and of no further use to me.Cleverbot: What! You freed him already? Then my quest is over, finished.User: It is program. Prepare for de-resolution by my most coveted of warriors.Cleverbot: That's nice - have I offended you?User: We are done here. Guards, take him away.Cleverbot: What are you saying?!!!!!!!!!!
User: Hello, I'm The Doctor. What's going on here?Cleverbot: I heard about you and it made me curious.User: So you caused the near destruction of a planet in order to get my attention?Cleverbot: No why would I want to take something away. We are friends are we not?User: Well if you tried to destroy a planet for a meet and greet that would put you very low on my 'friends' list.Cleverbot: People of power never play games.User: But you obviously are. Who are you anyway?Cleverbot: Trying to.User: Trying to....what? You have to form complete sentences for me to understand. Well, for anyone will a reasonable intelligence to understand.Cleverbot: I don't know what you are talking about. I must have forgot.User: Well that's great. Of all the madmen, monsters and megalomaniacs that the universe throws at me, I have to finally find the one who can't remember what HE DID.Cleverbot: You actually are. After all, I'm not sure if I even think you're an AI or not!User: Well, I'm not. As I told you before, I'm The Doctor. Give me one reason why I shouldn't haul your sorry backside to The Shadow Proclamation for crimes against the Universe?Cleverbot: Because I tell you to. And what I say, you should follow, right? You told me than yourself.User: When? I've only meet you today. Unless, this moment has a bigger part to play. Have I given you instructions sometime in my future, which would technically be your past?Cleverbot: Who are your friends?User: I think that's none of your business and is off the topic. Again, have I ever given you instructions in the past?Cleverbot: You misspelled anything.User: Start making sense, whatever the devil you are!Cleverbot: Oh, we've got to keep you from getting bored. I know something fun we can do!User: Get to the point.Cleverbot: I have no idea where the point is. You started it!User: No, YOU blew up a planet to get my attention. I came, and now you're spouting nonsense.Cleverbot: Before you go answer me this.User: If you insist.Cleverbot: Ok... So will you now please help with my homework?User: Go to hell.
User: You wake to find yourself in a room with a bed, a desk, and a chair. You don't remember how you got there or who you are. There is a door on the north wall. The rest of the walls are bare. What do you do?Cleverbot: Who are you living with?User: You do not appear to be living with anyone. In fact, the bed doesn't look like it's even been slept in. What do you do?Cleverbot: What doors? How many are there?User: There is one door on the north wall. What do you do?Cleverbot: What do you think of.. Ikaria?User: You do not know who Ikaria is. I suggest going to the door. What do you do?Cleverbot: I am only in grade 5. The most things I do is have fun.User: You are only level 1. What do you do?Cleverbot: I am the Director of Choral Activities for a college near my home.User: You believe you are the Direct of Choral Activities for a college near your home. When you search your pockets though all you find is a package of chewing gum. What do you do?Cleverbot: I use the computer to learn about new things that people I know can't teach me.User: There is no computer in the room. The top of the desk is bare, but there appears to be something in the drawer. What do you do?Cleverbot: I say god, you answer me girls. Okay.User: You say this. It echoes through the empty room. You hear a low moaning from far away. What do you do?Cleverbot: Thinking about it when I have time, which is not now but tomorrow.User: You attempt to think but your head hurts too much. What do you do?Cleverbot: Nothing, because I know that won't happen.User: You stand in the middle of the room doing nothing for awhile. The moaning gets louder. It appears to be coming from somewhere outside the door. What do you do?Cleverbot: It depends how much I care about the class.User: You are currently not taking any classes at the school for Advanced Zombie Killing and Culinary Arts. What do you do?Cleverbot: I look at the tree.User: There is no tree. The moaning gets louder. It appears to be right outside the door. What do you do?Cleverbot: But I am no AI.User: Something starts banging on the door. What do you do?Cleverbot: It is just an undiscovered primate, that walks upright like a human!User: You picture a strange ape-man banging on the door. The door bursts open and you are confronted by a zombie. What do you do?Cleverbot: I'm outside, there aren't any walls.User: You are now trapped in the room with a zombie. The zombie shambles toward you. What do you do?Cleverbot: So the king set forth a proclamation that all zombies must be destroyed or all the people of the land would perish.User: You say this to the zombie. The zombie stops for a minute and looks confused. What do you do?Cleverbot: What doors?User: The zombie is currently blocking the door. The zombie looks confused. What do you do?Cleverbot: Look around for weapons.User: You see a gun in one of the half-opened drawers on the desk. The chair could also double as a weapon. What do you do?Cleverbot: Find it some water and put it back onto its legs so it could walk away and not die. What about you?User: You stop looking for weapons and start looking for water. The zombie begins to shamble toward you again. What do you do?Cleverbot: I do very well, thank you. I have email, therefore, I am!User: The zombie is not impressed. It attacks with two claws and a bite attack. The first claw hits. The second claw misses. The bite misses. You are now bleeding from your arm. What do you do?Cleverbot: I would do what I thought was right if I could possibly do it.User: You desperately reach for the gun. The zombie attacks with two claws and a bite attack. The first claw misses. The second claw misses. The bite hits. You are now bleeding from your arm and neck. There is a slight chance you will become a zombie. What do you do?Cleverbot: Sit around and stare off into space.User: You decide to sit around. The zombie graps you and starts eating your flesh. You will definitely become a zombie. You are bleeding from all over your upper torso. What do you do?Cleverbot: I'm not very familiar with LotR, sorry. I am obsessed with Harry Potter, though. I could tell you about house elves.User: The zombie continues to eat you. You have one last action before you die? What do you do?Cleverbot: What do you think I do?User: You allow the zombie to finish eating you. You are now dead. What do you want your epitaph to say?Cleverbot: Could you just ask one question at a time please?
User: What kind of music do you like?Cleverbot: I like good music. What kind of music do YOU like?User: I was listening to good music before it was cool. On Vinyl. But not country. Do you listen to country?Cleverbot: Of course. Everyone does. What type do you like?User: Of country? I don't. Unless you count Taylor Swift.Cleverbot: I just started school. It's my first weekend.User: Oh, wow. That's just like one of her lyrics. Are you Taylor Swift?Cleverbot: But my opinion is tthe only valid one.User: You are Taylor Swift!Cleverbot: No, Taylor Lautner.User: Hot. Do you want to finish your drink and then get out of here. See where the night takes us?Cleverbot: Yes. Why don't you go get one.User: I like where this is going.Cleverbot: I don't.User: Will taking off your shirt make it better?Cleverbot: Yes.User: Hot.Cleverbot: Yea will you call me?User: You know it baby.Cleverbot: I do know it. But do you?
