The Corrupt A Wish Thread

[Setherick]

I wish there was 'me' in 'team'

Granted. Congratulations you find your self stuck in the word "team", that is, your soul is distributed among all uses of the word team in the English language. You also feel the emotions conveyed each time someone says the word "team" so that you simultaneously feel joy and sorrow whenever someone says "teamster", you enjoy victory and defeat every night at every sporting event, and you just feel slimy whenever there is a synergy conventions.

I wish I had not slept for three hours tonight during the time I was supposed to be doing work.

[Boyos]

Granted, you get your 3 hours of time back, but instead of working you spent them on you tube watching

Yatta Yatta

I wish I did not have to work to support my family.

[Setherick]

I wish I did not have to work to support my family.

Granted, you now have stopped believing in the middle-class concept of the male breadwinner that developed in the 1840s and continues today by replicating itself through emphases on sympathetic identification with your family's wants, which are actually latent desires produced by a capitalist system. However, you now feel really isolated and alone.

I wish I was more of a sociopath like Tom. 

[Tadanori Oyama]

I wish I was more of a sociopath like Tom. 

Granted, you are now more like Tom, you poor fucker. As a side effect, Tom has become more like you and published a book on the specifics of the personality switch. The movie rights alone where 50 million. Luckily, your a sociopath and don't care.

I wish the Scion skill system made more sense, like nWoD's design.

[Wooberman]

I wish the Scion skill system made more sense, like nWoD's design.

Granted, but it now resembles Synnibarr.

I wish I was a superhero

[Tadanori Oyama]

I wish I was a superhero

Granted, you have to design your powers with Mutants and Masterminds 1st Edition Rules.

I wish there wasn't so much paperwork littering my desk.

[Dawnsteel]

I wish there wasn't so much paperwork littering my desk.

Granted!  Unfortunately, the purge-by-fire trick has eliminated the desk as well.  Also the carpet.

I wish my daughter would learn to walk.

[Wooberman]

I wish my daughter would learn to walk.

Granted, But she is accompanied by incredibly annoying theme music at all times.

I wish I am grammar speaking well

[Setherick]

I wish I am grammar speaking well

Granted, unfortunately the grammar and speech that you learn to do well is of a dead language, so dead in fact that it has never been named or studied. This not only makes you isolated from your friends and family, but linguists from around the world want to study you. You also can never regain the ability to communicate in any other language.

I wish (more of a hope) that my meeting about my dissertation with my advisor goes well.

[Melvar]

I wish (more of a hope) that my meeting about my dissertation with my advisor goes well.

Granted.  He didn't vomit.  http://www.phdcomics.com/comics/archive.php?comicid=690

I wish I didn't have to memorize my new licence plate numbers.  I feel like my life is just a bunch of numbers and letters that somehow identify me.

[Tadanori Oyama]

I wish I didn't have to memorize my new licence plate numbers.  I feel like my life is just a bunch of numbers and letters that somehow identify me.

Granted, your stylish new skull tattoo does the memorizing for you.

I wish I could drive.

[Melvar]

I wish I could drive.

Granted.  You can now derive better than anyone else, just be sure you don't drink and derive.

I wish my homebrew would brew faster.

[Setherick]

I wish my homebrew would brew faster.

Granted, but it tastes like a combination of PBR and sweaty gym socks.

I wish I had an army of grad students to do my bidding.

[Melvar]

I wish I had an army of grad students to do my bidding.

Granted.  But my army of undergrads are more dispensable and swiftly overtake your grad students, burying them in typos, bad math, and unbalanced chemical reactions.

I wish I didn't have to wear corrective lenses to see well.

[Tadanori Oyama]

I wish I had an army of grad students to do my bidding.

Granted, but they are all philosophy grad students and they have to finish debating the meaning of your bidding before they can do it.

I wish I didn't have to wear corrective lenses to see well.

Granted, your doctor gives you an eye transplant. However, he accidently gives you the eyes of a murderer and all you see are victims.

I wish I controlled the world's energy supply.